


High School Sweethearts to College Strangers

by isolatedwriter



Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: All the pairings in the relationship section are endgame, Alternate Universe - College/University, Angst with a Happy Ending, Breaking Up & Making Up, Bucky Barnes is an idiot, Bucky Barnes/Steve Rogers Feels, College, F/F, F/M, I can't write sad endings, I promise, M/M, Mentions of Cancer, Minor Bucky Barnes/Natasha Romanov (mentioned), Minor Natasha Romanov/Angie Martinelli, Minor Peggy Carter/Steve Rogers, Mutual Pining, Natasha Romanov Is a Good Bro, Pining, Post-Break Up, Protective Bucky Barnes, Slow Burn, Steve Rogers Feels, Steve Rogers Gets a Hug, Steve Rogers Needs a Hug, Stucky endgame, all the minor pairs break up though, eventually, long distance (kinda), minor Bucky Barnes/others
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-22
Updated: 2021-02-02
Packaged: 2021-03-08 21:48:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 15
Words: 70,200
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27153404
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/isolatedwriter/pseuds/isolatedwriter
Summary: Steve should be happy, he really should. He knew this was supposed to be a new start for him. He had gotten into his dream school, and incidentally one of the best graphic design programs in the country. NYU on paper was everything he could ever hope for. His roommate Sam seemed amazing from the few times he had texted him, and everyone he had met there so far he had gotten along well with. But Bucky had just broken up with him, and now he didn't know how he could feel happy when he hadn't wanted a new start to begin with.Also known as:Steve and Bucky college au with lots of pining, stupidity, and a happy ending. Also their friends are all much smarter than them, but they get there eventually.
Relationships: Clint Barton/Natasha Romanov, James "Bucky" Barnes/Steve Rogers, Peggy Carter/Angie Martinelli, Riley/Sam Wilson
Comments: 51
Kudos: 76





	1. Freshman Fair

**Author's Note:**

> The first chapter is in Steve's POV but that might change in the later chapters.

Steve should be happy, he really should. He knew this was supposed to be a new start for him. He had gotten into his dream school, and incidentally one of the best graphic design programs in the country. NYU was everything he could hope for. It was close to home, in the city he had spent his whole life in. His roommate seemed amazing from the few times he had texted him. Everyone he had seen so far today had a bright smile and was extremely willing to help him. Even moving in wasn’t as bad as he feared, a few trips in a crowded elevator with a fully loaded moving cart, and he was standing in his dorm room filled with boxes and his mom trying to hold back tears as they unpacked. 

“I can’t believe this is happening,” Sarah said, her shaky voice betrayed her attempt to conceal her emotions. Steve chuckled, but there was no real humor in it.

“I’m still in the city, it’s not like I’m that far away,” he replied, putting his clothes in the dresser. 

“I know, but…” Sarah started, but as soon as she did the door opened again. The first thing through was an extremely full moving cart. Sarah quickly went to hold the door open. 

“You must be Steve,” was the first thing the man pushing the cart said. Steve turned around and nodded, extending his hand.

“And you must be Sam,” Steve responded. Sam reached over the cart to shake his hand. 

“It’s so good to finally meet you, man,” Sam said, starting to unload his stuff from the moving cart. 

“Yeah you too. Are your folks around here somewhere?” Steve asked, noticing that no one was following Sam in.

“Nah, I drove up here myself from DC, we already did the whole tearful goodbye a few days ago,” Sam answered, motioning is head towards Sarah, who still looked like she was trying not to cry, “I’m guessin’ you’re his mom?” Sarah nodded and shook his hand as well.

“Sarah Rogers,” she said as she did so, “Do you need any help bringing the rest of your stuff up?”

“I’m good, I should only need one more trip,” Sam replied easily. 

“Okay, then I’m gonna go walk around campus a bit, let you two get acquainted. I’ve only ever really been here once for the tour, and I’ve heard it’s beautiful,” Sarah mentioned as she walked out the door, closing it behind her. Steve waved as she left, before turning back to the pile of clothes. His heart stopped when he saw the sweatshirt. He owned many sweatshirts, and when he was packing he just threw all of them in not really looking at what was what. He didn’t think he packed it, but there it was. 

_ He had been trying on his shirts for days now, many of which were too short for him now. For some reason his growth spurt took until senior year to arrive. He went from looking like a middle schooler to looking like he actually belonged on the graduation stage in a matter of months. Bucky kept laughing at him every time he outgrew an item of clothing.  _

_ “It’s not that funny,” Steve protested, throwing his now too-small shirt at Bucky, who was currently sitting on his bed. He caught it, still laughing at him. _

_ “It’s pretty funny,” was all he had to say in reply.  _

_ “Now I have to go out and buy a whole new wardrobe. I don’t have the time or the money for this,” Steve continued his rant from before, throwing his hands up in the air. _

_ “You could just keep wearing these,” Bucky held up the aforementioned shirt, “I, for one, think you look great in a crop-top.” Steve threw another shirt at him, which he dodged before coming up with an award-winning smile.  _

_ “Asshole,” Steve muttered, but went back to trying on shirts. Just as he pulled off yet another shirt which did not fit him, Bucky came up in front of him, wrapping his arms around his waist and pressing their chests together.  _

_ “Or, you know, you could just stop wearing shirts altogether,” he murmured, lips brushing his neck. Steve shivered, tilting his head back for more. Then he felt Bucky grin against him, before resuming the action. Steve could feel the tension leaving his shoulders. God, he had never understood why everyone who ever kissed Bucky raved about his mouth before they started dating, but now he was sure he could never get enough of it. _

_ “If you keep doing that I don’t think I am ever going to finish going through this pile of shirts,” Steve muttered, but didn’t make any motion to stop him.  _

_ “What if I don’t want you to go through that pile of shirts? What if I want you to show off your six-pack through all of your shirts?” Bucky pulled away long enough to say. Steve snorted at that. _

_ “Buck, I have about the same amount of muscle mass that I did when I was six. I don’t have much to show off. I look like an actual twig,” Steve responded. Bucky pulled back with a frown. _

_ “Steven Grant Rogers, that is not true, you are super hot, like the most attractive person I have dated,” Bucky said. At that Steve actually laughed. _

_ “I’m far from the most attractive person you have dated, you don’t have to lie. I’m just happy enough you can put up with my looks enough to stick around,” Steve replied. Bucky’s lips curved down deeper. _

_ “You’re an idiot, it is a good thing you are so hot otherwise I don’t know if I’d stick around.” Steve groaned.  _

_ “Bucky....” _

_ “I’m not kidding. I’ll tell you every day if I have to. It’s not just your big heart I fell in love with, you know. But your heart and your steller good looks, pretty much hit the lottery with you.”  _

_ “You are the world’s biggest sap,” was how Steve responded. Bucky looked mock-offended. _

_ “I thought after all that I could maybe get a kiss?” Bucky asked.  _

_ “You’ve been watching too many rom-coms,” Steve teased, but pecked him lightly on the lips. Bucky sighed when he pulled his lips back, but didn’t release his hold around Steve’s waist.  _

_ “One of these days you are going to believe me,” Bucky muttered, forgoing his usual teasing tone. Steve hummed in response. _

_ “Just like one of these days everyone is going to be seeing your face on the big screen and screaming about how much they love you.” Bucky blushed and buried his face in Steve’s chest.  _

_ “Shut up,” he said, his voice muffled by his position.  _

_ “And I’ll tell everyone I meet that he is even more amazing in person and that stunts are only the second best thing his hands can do,” Steve continued, not listening to him. _

_ “Oh my god, Steve,” Bucky groaned. _

_ “And that no one in the world could ever deserve to watch him, but he deserves everyone in the world to watch him. And everyone will agree with me and so you will become one of the most famous actors of the decade, and I’ll get to kiss you before you go up to get your Oscar, making everyone jealous…” _

_ “You know I hate it when you talk like that,” Bucky interrupted him.  _

_ “You mean when I tell you about how amazing you are, and how successful you are going to be?” Steve questioned with feigned ignorance.  _

_ “I’m not going to be that successful,” Bucky muttered. Steve quirked his eyebrow. _

_ “I guess only time will tell.” Bucky just sighed. They stayed in the embrace for a few moments before Bucky pulled away in a sudden burst of energy. Steve looked at him, confused. Bucky quickly grabbed his bag and pulled something out of it, keeping it from Steve’s view as much as possible.  _

_ “What are you up too?” Steve asked, the hesitation clear in his voice. Bucky chuckled, holding out the article to Steve as soon he was an arms length away from him. Steve grabbed it tentatively, unfurling it once it was in his hands. _

_ “Last time I was here…” Bucky started. _

_ “Yesterday,” Steve cut in, Bucky glared at him. _

_ “Last time I was here,” he started again, “you were going on and on about how none of your Camp Orion sweatshirts fit you anymore, and I have plenty extra cause I’ve gotten them the same size the past few years, so I figured you could get some use out of one of them.” Steve held the sweatshirt like it was made of the most precious material on earth. It was a simple enough design, with the words Camp Orion on the front, and Councilor on the back. But it was more than that. It was the memories of every summer together, some as kids enjoying the camp, and some as councilors attempting to keep the camp running smoothly. It was some of their best memories together. It was where they first got together, their first kiss under the starlight by the fire. That camp was the place where he felt the most at peace, and now the sweatshirt was what he had left of that time. It still smelled faintly of campfire, despite being washed, and like Bucky. Because it was Bucky’s. Steve was sure then and there that no gift would ever beat that. _

_ “Thank you,” he whispered, not able to fully articulate what it meant to him. Bucky smiled back at him, and Steve was pretty sure he knew. He pulled him into a fierce kiss, however, just to make sure he really did know.  _

Steve quickly re-folded the sweatshirt and buried it under everything else he had in that drawer. He didn’t need to deal with that right now. Or ever. Ever sounded better.

“Imma head back down for the rest of my stuff,” Sam called over his shoulder as he pushed the cart back out of the room. Steve was about to respond when the door shut behind him. Great. Barely a few minutes into his college experience and he had already managed to completely fail at his first major social interaction. Steve felt like he could blame Bucky for that. 

“Idiot,” Steve called himself under his breath before going back to unpacking. He had managed to finish putting away all of his clothes by the time Sam came back, with yet another overly full cart. Steve held the door open for him this time. 

“Thanks, man,” Sam said, sounding a bit out of breath. 

“No problem,” Steve replied, trying to seem cheerful. He must have at least somewhat pulled it off, because Sam smiled back at him. Bucky would have known, but Steve shook that thought from his mind. He didn’t need to think about Bucky and how well he knew Steve for ten years. Not when he was across the country and had made it very clear they were broken up. Fuck, he really needed a distraction.

“So Sam, psychology?” Steve asked, cringing at how it sounded. He could feel the blush on his face creeping down his neck. 

“Sorry, that was such a weird way to start a conversation, I’m not exactly the most outgoing person,” Steve quickly rambled an apology. Luckily, Sam just laughed. 

“It may not have been the most eloquent, but it got the point across,” Sam responded, no criticizing tone in his voice, “It’s not the most profound story. I took a class in high school and was hooked. I find the way our minds work fascinating, you know, I want to know as much as I can about it. Then I can take what I learned and help people. Might even go to med school, haven’t quite decided yet.”

“Oh, I’ve heard horror stories. I mean, my mom went to nursing school, but she has told me all the stories the doctors she works with like to tell her constantly. Plus she’s told me all about nursing school.”

“Yeah, and that is why I haven’t decided,” Sam chuckled, “Don’t know if I want to put myself through all that.” Steve snorted in agreement.

“I definitely wouldn’t. I mean, I think my own major is pretty telling on that front.”

“Graphic design, right?” Sam asked. Steve nodded. 

“Shit, our classes are going to be so different,” Sam said. Steve laughed, it was a little forced, but he did appreciate the joke. There was a bit of silence that followed, which Steve was attempting to think of a way to fill. Luckily he didn’t have to, Sam seemed much more social than Steve was. He supposed this was a good thing, considering he did need friends at some point. 

“You’re from around here right?” Sam asked. Steve nodded.

“Born and raised in Brooklyn,” he responded. 

“You’re gonna have to show me around sometime. I know nothing about the city, and the subway looks much more confusing than the one in DC,” Sam said. Steve snorted a bit. Sam shot him a look.

“What was that for?” He questioned quickly, no heat in his voice. Steve just shook his head a bit.

“Sorry, I’ve just been ridin’ the subway since before I could walk. Probably have the whole thing memorized by now.”

“See, that’s why I need you. I don’t want to look like some tourist.” Steve hummed in approval. 

“Good idea, less likely to get mugged that way,” he said in a flat tone. It was meant to be a joke, but he realized he didn’t know if it came across that way.

“I was kidding. Kind of. It is true, but I wasn’t trying to scare you or anything,” Steve hastily explained. Sam laughed again.

“You don’t have to keep worrying about driving me away with your sarcasm. Hell, we’ll probably get along well if you tone it up instead of down,” Sam replied. Steve smiled, he was pretty sure they were going to get along just fine. 

————————

A few hours later their room had been completely unpacked, boxes disposed of. They had also met a few different people in their hall, all of whom seemed like fine neighbors, at least for now. Steve had said goodbye to his mom, who would be back tomorrow for more orientation stuff anyways. The final event of the night was a first year fair of sorts, with a bunch of games and food so the freshman could mingle and get to know one another. Steve was glad he had Sam, because he didn’t know if he could have faced himself to go if he had to go alone. 

They left a bit later than they had meant, but still would have plenty of time. Steve was shaking a bit, his fingers wrapped around the inhaler in his pocket, just in case. He usually didn’t need it, but he didn’t want to risk it. As they were walking along the quad to get to the fair Sam started up a conversation again.

“So, you have a boyfriend, right?” It was meant to be a harmless question. In fact, it should have been a harmless question. Of course Sam had known about Bucky. It was kind of hard not to when he appeared in pretty much every single post Steve had on his Instagram, which was not many. Still, it didn’t stop Steve from freezing momentarily. Sam looked at him, a bit worried. Steve quickly shook it off, determined to make this as casual as possible. 

“Not anymore,” he said quietly. It didn’t sound as confident or as nonchalant as he wanted it to.

“Shit, sorry,” Sam immediately said. Steve shook his head, smiling slightly.

“It’s okay, it was really more of a mutual we are going on our separate ways kind of thing,” Steve explained, really not wanting to go down that path with someone he just met. 

“That’s good, I guess,” Sam replied.

“Yeah,” Steve lied, hoping it was convincing enough to drop it. Thankfully, Sam didn’t press the issue.

“So I’m guessing you aren’t looking for anyone right now,” Sam said instead. Steve couldn’t help the dry laugh that escaped him. He shook his head, not knowing if he would ever feel like looking again. 

“I’m guessing you are though,” Steve replied. 

“Hell, yes,” Sam answered immediately. Steve laughed a bit louder this time. 

“Listen, I’ve only dated like one person, and it was sophomore year of high school. I am so ready to get back out there,” Sam explained. Steve smiled at him. 

“I’m happy for you, man,” Steve told him honestly, “And even if I’m not looking, I’m happy to be your wingman. I can’t guarantee I’ll be a very good one though.” Now it was Sam’s turn to laugh. 

“Well, just letting you know I’m open to anyone. I don’t know if you are gay or whatever, and I honestly don’t care, but if your are going to be my wingman you should know that gender doesn’t matter to me at all,” Sam said. Steve nodded.

“Good to know,” Steve responded, as they began to walk into the crowd. He was going to correct Sam’s assumption that he was gay, but the shear number of people stopped his mouth from moving. There were so many people, all in groups of two or more, either sitting down with food or gathered around a booth or game. Steve was yet again very glad Sam was with him.

“Jesus Christ,” Sam said, looking around. Steve couldn’t help but hum in agreement. He didn’t even know where to begin. That was until he felt a hand on his shoulder. He whipped around, unable to stop the way he jumped. He was even more surprised when he recognized the face of the person behind him.

“Natasha?” He asked, still slightly uncertain. She gave him a smile, but it faltered when she saw the shocked look on his face.

“Didn’t Bucky tell you I ended up deciding on NYU?” She questioned. Steve shook his head, not even bringing himself to fake a chuckle. 

“Why would he?” He said instead, bitterly. Natasha’s eyes widened. 

“I’m going to kill him,” she responded, her voice completely serious. Sam looked slightly worried, which Steve supposed was warranted as Natasha’s glare could cause anyone to curl in on themself, and she did not sound like she was joking in the slightest. Steve may not have known her that well, but he knew her well enough that the threat was not empty, but she wouldn’t actually kill him. 

“It’s fine, it was just distance you know. We both agreed it was best,” Steve told her. Her eyes narrowed, but she didn’t comment on the obviousness of the lie. Instead she wrapped her arms around him. Having never been hugged by Natasha, Steve was not completely sure what to expect, but he hugged her back. It was not long, but it made Steve smile anyways. He had always assumed Natasha would take Bucky’s side in all this, but he was not complaining. He definitely did not want to be on her bad side. 

“Oh, sorry, Natasha, this is Sam, my roommate. Sam, this is Natasha. We went to high school together,” Steve explained, motioning to each of them in turn. They nodded at each other. 

“I feel like I should mention that admitting to murder in front of witnesses is probably not the best way to get away with a crime,” was Sam’s version of an introduction. Natasha only raised her eyebrow. 

“I never said anything about leaving witnesses,” is how she responded. Sam paled. 

“But even if I did, I know they would know better than to say anything,” she continued. Sam only nodded briefly. 

“Don’t go too hard on him, okay? I may not be happy with him right now, but he doesn’t deserve to feel like shit for just telling me how he felt,” Steve told her. Natasha turned to glare at him now. 

“He will deserve everything I am going to give him,” she replied coolly. 

“You are not actually going to kill him, right?” Sam piped up, “I just feel the need to clarify.”

“By the time I get off the phone with him, he is going to wish he was dead,” Natasha said, her tone of voice not changing. 

“You know what, I’ll take it,” Sam responded, “I’m feeling like some ice cream, anyone else?”

“Sounds good,” Steve answered, happy to be changing the subject. 

“Yeah, it does sound good,” Natasha agreed. Sam looked like he didn’t know how to feel about it, but before he could say anything else Natasha started speaking again. 

“I’m actually here with Peggy and Angie from my floor, would you mind if they joined us too?” 

“Not at all,” Sam said with a smile. He actually looked relieved it wouldn’t just be the three of them. Natasha looked behind her, presumably looking for Peggy and Angie, when suddenly she smiled and waved two people over. He noticed as the one closest to them looked him up and down as she approached. It was not very subtle, but guessing by her posture and bright red lipstick, she was not a very subtle person.

“I’m Peggy,” she said as she extended her hand towards Steve, who noted her British accent. He shook it quickly, trying to portray that he was not interested. 

“Steve,” he said shortly. She held out her hand towards Sam and well.

“Sam,” he introduced himself as he shook her hand. The women next to her merely waved at both of them.

“Angie,” she said as she did so. 

“We were about to go and get ice cream,” Natasha explained, as they all started walking towards the ice cream truck. The line was long, but Steve had expected that given how many students showed up to this. He was going to strike up another conversation with Sam or Natasha, but Peggy got to him first.

“So, what are you majoring in?” She asked, specifically at him.

“Um, graphic design,” Steve answered quickly. Her eyes widened. 

“Really? You must be good then, given the program here. I’m a philosophy major, political science and women’s studies minor, before you ask” Peggy responded, not put off by his short answers. Steve couldn’t help the disbelief that crossed his face for a second.

“I know it’s still four years away, but what are you planning on doing after college?” He couldn’t help but be curious, with a combination of subjects like that.

“Law school, I heard philosophy majors do well on the BAR,” Peggy answered immediately. Steve smiled a bit. 

“I had a feeling you already had a plan,” Steve said. 

“Is that supposed to be an insult?” Peggy challenged. Steve chuckled a bit. 

“The opposite, actually. I have no idea what I’m doing after college. I’m impressed.”

“Well, it’s easy to have a plan when the plan is just more school,” Peggy shrugged and Steve felt a bit embarrassed, but then she smirked, “And if I end up in the Supreme Court, well, who has to know I already knew I would get there now.” 

“Can you get into the Supreme Court?” Steve asked as he realized there might be a small flaw in her plan. She raised her eyebrows at him. 

“Why wouldn’t I be able to?” Her tone suggested yet another challenge. Steve shuffled a bit uncomfortably.

“I don’t know much about the Supreme Court, so correct me if I’m wrong, but aren’t you British?” Her lips upturned, amused. Steve felt even more uncomfortable. 

“You like the accent? I was born in the US, my parents moved to London when I was four. I am still a US citizen, and by the time I get there I will have lived here longer than I ever lived in England,” she explained, amusement still in her voice. Steve nodded, not sure what else to do. He quickly looked back to Natasha, but she was shamelessly flirting with both Angie, who was just blushing in return, and Sam. Sam looked a little dazed. 

“I see, Natasha? Or is it Sam?” Peggy asked, following his gaze, and he felt his face flash pink. He looked at his feet, shaking his head. 

“I’ve known Natasha for a few years, but no. And Sam is just my roommate,” Steve explained, still not able to look up. 

“Hey, not cool, man. I thought we were leaning towards friends. Also, I know you are not looking for anyone right now, but I am incredibly attractive, so don’t be embarrassed that she thought you were into me,” Sam cut in, moving from one conversation to the next. Steve sent him a quick thank you look for the explanation, however brief, and Sam winked in return. The wink was such a Bucky move Steve couldn’t keep looking at him so instead he glanced back at his feet. 

“I may not be looking, but Sam is very single and very much looking,” Steve said after a bit of silence, looking up again. He figured he could at least repay the favor. Peggy raised her eyebrows. 

“Is that so?” She asked, eyes turning towards Sam. 

“I don’t know how I feel about you calling me very single, but I guess it is true,” Sam responded. 

“Rogers, you really know how to talk up a guy,” Natasha turned towards them as well, amusement in her voice, “Very single? You got any lady sold.” Steve was blushing again, but that might just be a permanent state at this point. 

“Hey, he’s the best wingman I have, here,” Sam defended him. 

“You must not have any other wingmen here then,” Natasha retorted. Sam just shrugged. 

“I may not, but I’ll take what I’ll get,” Same responded. 

“See, this is why I called him very single,” Steve returned to the conversation, motioning towards Sam. He wasn’t sure where the boldness came from, but he was rewarded by the group around him cracking a few grins. 

“Alright, fair,” Sam said holding his hands up in surrender.

“But I’m sure he would be very willing for any of you you to rectify that situation,” Steve finished his thought. Sam pumped his fist in the air as everyone laughed.

“And that is why he is my best wingman,” Sam exclaimed. 

“Only wingman,” Peggy corrected. 

“Only one I need,” Sam replied easily. Natasha raised her eyebrow at that. 

“Is that so? How would you feel about three more?” Natasha asked, motioning at the three of them. Sam glanced at him. Steve just shrugged.

“I suggest you take her up on that. I can’t speak for Peggy and Angie, but Natasha is great at reading people. She’ll be able to tell who’s checking you out even if you can’t,” Steve told him. Sam nodded in return.

“I need all the help I can get,” he replied, turning back to Natasha, “and I can also help y’all out if you want it.” 

“I think I got it figured out,” Natasha said, eyes flicking up and down Angie as she said so. Angie blushed again.

“What she said,” Angie told Sam, motioning at Natasha. 

“I can see that pretty clearly,” Sam said to them before turning to Peggy, “What about you, I help you, you help me?” 

“It would be a pleasure,” she responded with a smile. And there, in line for an ice cream truck, he realized college might make him happy after all.


	2. Natasha's Movie Night

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I said I would update weekly but I finished early and got excited.... So here you go!

The first week was exhausting like nothing Steve had ever experienced before. Going straight from orientation and the club fest to classes filled with cheesy icebreakers and discussion of expectations meant that by the weekend he was ready to sleep for a week. He walked into his dorm after his last class on Friday and immediately face-planted on the bed with a groan. Sam, who was already done with classes for the week, looked over at him and chuckled. 

“Rough day?” Sam asked. Steve made an affirmative noise from where his face was still buried in the bedding. Before either of them could say anything else, Sam’s phone buzzed on his desk.

“Natasha told us to come to her room with snacks,” Sam said without looking up from his phone. 

“Did she say why?” Steve mumbled. 

“Movie night apparently,” Sam responded, typing on his phone, “Do you think she would mind if I invited Riley?” 

“No, just tell her,” Steve still didn’t get up when he answered. Sam had met Riley, another psychology major, in his first class of the semester on his first day. Apparently they were both from around the same area in DC, and so had hit it off immediately after that came out in the introductions. Steve had only met him a few times, but he heard about him all the time now. 

“She said that we better be there by five cause we have lots of movies to get through tonight,” Sam told him. 

“Should we head to the store now then? I take it we are buying snacks for everyone,” Steve replied. 

“Yeah, probably,” Sam answered, starting to get up and grab his wallet. Steve peeled himself off his bed as well, checking his pocket for his phone and wallet, as well as emptying out his backpack and slinging that over his shoulder, before following Sam out of their dorm.

They had gotten way too much food. His backpack was completely filled with bags of chips and cookies. Sam was also carrying two liters of soda. They made it to Natasha’s room around fifteen minutes before five, since Steve didn’t want to be late and Sam didn’t want to get on Natasha’s bad side. 

“Hello boys,” Natasha said with a smirk as she opened the door, “Where’s Riley?” 

“He’ll be here in a few, I only texted him about it like thirty minutes ago,” Sam answered easily, walking past her into her dorm room. Steve followed. Her room was smaller than theirs, but that was because she had a single. However, she also had a tv on top of her dresser, which was now connected to her laptop. Her dresser was pushed against one wall, her bed pushed against the other. Her desk was up against the back wall. 

“I’ll go get Peggy and Angie, I told them I would once you got here,” Natasha said, walking out the door. 

“How’d you think she scored a tv?” Sam asked, gesturing at said object. Steve just shrugged.

“I’ve never questioned Natasha’s methods,” he said simply, rolling the chair from her desk around to the foot of her bed, so it also faced the tv. He also opened up his backpack and began putting out all of the different snacks on the desk. Only a few moments had passed before there was a knock at the door. Steve sent Sam a confused look, which Sam returned, knowing that Natasha wouldn’t knock on her own door, before going over to open the door. Steve saw Sam’s face break into a smile as Riley was on the other side.

“I was fully prepared to ask if this is the right room, but I think I have the answer to that now,” Riley said, a smile also blooming on his face. 

“Definitely the right room, Natasha will be back with Peggy and Angie soon,” Sam replied, walking inside with Riley following him. 

“Hi, Steve,” Riley greeted once the door was closed. 

“Hey, feel free to come and grab some food. I think Sam and I went a bit overboard,” Steve told him, stepping aside to reveal the food. Riley let out a small chuckle. 

“You really did, how many people is this for?” Riley asked.

“Just the six of us,” Steve replied, a bit sheepishly. Riley let out a low whistle. 

“Think you got enough?” He questioned sarcastically. Steve blushed. 

“Seeing how much you eat, I really don’t know,” Sam teased and Riley slapped him lightly on the chest. 

“I don’t even eat half of what some of my teammates eat,” he grumbled, but did start to move towards the food. Natasha walked in with Peggy and Angie and two chairs not long after. 

“You must be Riley,” she said, seeing an unfamiliar man in her room. Riley nodded. 

“Alright, everyone, it has come to my knowledge that for some reason neither Peggy nor Angie have seen any of the Lord of the Rings movies, so we are watching them all tonight,” Natasha announced, bringing up the first movie on her computer and subsequently the tv. Sam whipped around and looked at them. 

“How have you never seen the Lord of the Rings?” He asked, flabbergasted. Peggy just shrugged. 

“It just never happened,” she replied. 

“Well, you are in for a treat, these are cinematic masterpieces,” Riley agreed with Sam, who was nodding next to him. 

“Alright everyone, get comfortable,” Natasha said, throwing herself on her bed. She had her back on the wall behind her, surrounded by every pillow she had on her bed, which was only two. Steve had already claimed Natasha’s desk chair, and Peggy and Angie brought their own chairs, so that left Riley and Sam also on the bed with Natasha. Though it was clear they were sitting closer to each other than Natasha. Natasha noticed too, subtly smirking at them. 

As the opening credits started to roll and the music soared, Steve felt the ache in his heart deepening. That was a first when watching this movie. Normally his heart soars with the music, heart rate increasing as he hears Cate Blanchett’s voice. He always used to watch this when he got sick as a kid because of that fact. The problem was Bucky, with his immune system better than anyone he had ever known, was generally always sitting next to him. And in his last few years of high school, curled up next to him, kissing his temple and forehead intermediately, making sure he stayed hydrated and fed. 

He was fine. He really was. The ache in his heart was present, but he was able to keep his face natural, chuckling occasionally when appropriate. That was until the prancing pony. The second he saw Aragorn he could feel his face fall. He worked quickly to fix it, but he knew Natasha noticed. She always noticed. 

_ They had been 15 and 16, Bucky a year older. Only a few months into his Sophomore year he had gotten the flu. Steve was angry at his body for not being able to keep it together for a few more goddamn weeks until winter break so he wouldn’t have to miss school. Sure, he liked not having to sit through class. But when he got sick Bucky insisted on not only picking up his homework, but completing it as well. Steve was grateful, of course he was. But he hated feeling like he couldn’t do anything himself. This time was no different.  _

_ “Hey, Steve, you awake?” Bucky whispered as he tiptoed into the living room that Friday after school. Steve made an affirmative noise from the couch, not wanting to move. Bucky was still putting away the set of keys he had to Steve and his mom’s apartment when he entered Steve’s line of sight.  _

_ “You bring me my homework?” Steve asked, his throat rough and burning. Bucky just flashed him a smile, pulling out a folder out of his backpack as he sat down. He set the folder down on the table.  _

_ “Just turn everything in once you get better,” Bucky reached over and pressed a hand to his forehead. Steve whined in protest.  _

_ “I’m not a child,” Steve pouted. Bucky just laughed as he flopped back on the couch. _

_ “Yeah, you definitely don’t sound like one,” he replied. _

_ “You are the one who does all my homework without me asking,” Steve continued to complain. Bucky just rolled his eyes. _

_ “Rogers, you are the only person I know who would complain about getting their homework done,” Bucky sighed exasperated.  _

_ “I’m not complaining, I just can’t ever pay you back” Steve mumbled. Bucky laughed.  _

_ “I’m not doing it for money, punk,” Bucky said and ruffled Steve’s hair. Steve just glared at him, but made no attempt to fix it.  _

_ “Anyways, when you are a famous artist I will be so good at forging your signature and handwriting that I will make thousands. That can be your payback,” Bucky teased. _

_ “Jerk,” Steve frowned even more. He turned his face back to the screen. He had started a Lord of the Rings marathon earlier that day, but because he kept falling asleep so he had just restarted the second movie. Well, also Aragorn looked great in the last two and Steve loved to look at him. From an artist perspective. And not an artist perspective. Aragorn was hot, okay? And he knew he liked girls. So what if some guys were hot and he wanted to draw them. Or kiss them. So Steve knew he was not straight, but he was dealing with that. For the most part. It was confusing, but that’s sexuality. _

_ He had realized that he wasn’t straight because of Aragorn last year. He began to realize that other guys his age didn’t look at male celebrities the way that he did. He always thought everyone felt that way, since he felt those butterflies and the attraction other boys described feeling about girls. Since the pull he felt towards boys and girls was a bit different he assumed that it was normal for straight men to feel that way about other men. To notice their beauty, to want to touch them. But then he realized other boys in his grade didn’t have hundreds of sketches of men, and that wasn’t just because they weren’t artists. That there was more than one way to be romantically attracted to someone.  _

_ “How many times do you think we have watched these movies?” Bucky asked after a few minutes of silence, jarring Steve from his thoughts. Steve snorted.  _

_ “I think I lost count around a hundred times ago, what do you think?” Steve restored.  _

_ “Yeah, that sounds about right,” Bucky chuckled, “You ever gonna get tired of them?” Steve shrugged in response. _

_ “I haven’t yet.” Bucky couldn’t argue with that logic it seems. Steve felt his eyelids closing again after a few minutes, and he knew better than to try and fight it. Steve’s breathing evened out as much as it could when he was sick as he drifted off to sleep. As soon as Bucky had seen the change he moved the chair he was sitting in just a bit closer, so that Steve’s head was within his reach. He rested his hand within the blond hair, stroking it softly. Steve hummed happily, and all Bucky could do was look down with a small smile on his face. If Steve opened his eyes he would have been able to see the love written all over Bucky’s face, because in moments like this that expression was hard to hide. Sufis to say, Bucky wasn’t paying much attention to the movie anymore. _

_ As soon as Bucky started to notice Steve stirring more and more he removed his hand, instead folding them on his lap. And if Steve had awake for a while before he began stirring, well, no one ever had to know.  _

_ Steve opened his eyes sleepily, sitting up just a bit so he could stretch his back which was sore from sitting on the couch all day. He looked over a Bucky who was watching the movie. Steve could see that he was not really paying attention though. He could also see the small smile still on his face.  _

_ “How long was I out?” Steve yawned. Bucky cleared his throat, snapping out of whatever trance he was in. _

_ “Does it matter?” Bucky countered. Steve shrugged. _

_ “I guess not,” he replied as he settled back into the couch. They fell into a comfortable silence, that was until Bucky broke it. _

_ “Do you think you will be better by Halloween?”  _

_ “I hope so, why?” Steve turned to look at him, curiosity in his expression. _

_ “Well I gotta know if I should come up with a costume or if I will be curled up in my pajamas watching horror movies with you,” Bucky said nonchalantly. Steve couldn’t help but notice how his heart stopped briefly at the notion of Bucky planning his life around Steve so casually. He got over it quickly though, he always did with all those moments with Bucky. After all, Bucky was the biggest ladies-man in school. So no matter what he felt about him, it didn’t matter. _

_ “Why, you have an idea I would be holding you back from?” Steve had given up trying to convince Bucky he didn’t need to put his life on hold whenever Steve got sick. Every time Steve brought up the argument which had existed for the length of their friendship, Bucky would glare at him and not back down no matter what Steve said.  _

_ “Nah, it would just be another thing I would have to come up with,” Bucky answered easily, turning back to the screen.  _

_ “You know, you look kind of like Aragorn,” Steve said before he could stop himself the next time Aragorn appeared on the screen. Bucky turned to look at him, eyebrows raised. Steve was very pointedly looking at the tv.  _

_ “Really?” Bucky asked, his voice held a bit of a suggestive tone, but Steve tried not to dwell on that. He turned to Bucky, hoping his stance and face both looked casual.  _

_ “Course, dark, brooding. Wearing all black, the guy every girl has a crush on,” Steve tried to keep his voice stable. He thought he succeeded fairly well.  _

_ “Yeah?” Bucky pressed.  _

_ “Yeah, you’re practically the same person,” Steve wanted to punch himself in the face. Maybe then he would finally be able to shut up.  _

_ “I don’t think so,” Bucky responded.  _

_ “No?” Steve couldn’t help but question. _

_ “No,” Bucky confirmed swallowing sharply before he started talking again, “because if I was Aragorn I would leave Arwin for Legolas without a second thought.” Steve stared blankly at him for a second not comprehending. Bucky put on a face, trying to portray confidence, but Steve saw past that. He saw the fear behind Bucky’s eyes. So much he must have felt nauseous. Steve understood how Bucky felt before he understood why. When he did his eyes went wide and Bucky's facade fell, leaving only fear on his face, his hands shaking ever so slightly. He looked like he was going to be sicker than Steve felt.  _

_ “Yeah, I can see the appeal of Legolas,” Steve could feel the blush covering his features as he spoke. His hands were shaking now too, and it wasn’t just because of the flu. He felt his own nerves coming up, making it harder and harder to keep the contents of his stomach within himself. Bucky’s own expression changed too, to one of hesitancy. Like he didn’t want to get his hopes up.  _

_ “Are you saying you are gay too?” Bucky asked, more timid than Steve had ever heard him. Steve froze on instinct, but quickly felt the need to clarify when he saw Bucky’s face fall again in misunderstanding.  _

_ “I think I might be bi,” he admitted, too scared to meet Bucky’s eyes. Bucky’s face slowly morphed into a smile. _

_ “Well, you know what they say, the gays flock together,” his old cockiness started to come back into his voice. Steve did meet his eyes then, a smile forming on his own face.  _

_ “Yeah, I guess they do,” Steve said softly. That made Bucky’s eyes light up, and he was still grinning as he looked back at the movie. Steve couldn’t help but watch that expression on Bucky’s face for a few moments before turning back to the movie as well, his face split in a matching grin.  _

Steve was sure he had been zoning out for a while, because the last thing he remembered was seeing the light from Aragorn’s pipe and now Frodo was already stabbed. Natasha looked over at him briefly, a hint of concern on her face. So Steve just smiled at her, and she seemed satisfied, looking back to the screen. At least she did for a little bit before her phone rang. She picked it up quickly and paused the movie, only staying a few affirmative statements before hanging up. 

“Alright, the pizza is here, Steve can you help me grab it?” Natasha had already started walking towards the door. Steve only nodded and got up. 

“Are you okay?” Natasha asked as soon as the door was closed. Steve forced a smile on his face.

“I’m fine,” he replied, meeting her eyes only briefly. There was a moment of silence. 

“So how long before Sam and Riley get together?” Natasha blurted out. Steve raised his eyebrows. 

“It's been one week.” Steve said quizzically. 

“It’s gonna happen, the question is when,” Natasha told him flippantly. Steve opened his mouth to respond but realized he didn’t really know what to say to that. Luckily they reached the door where the pizza delivery person was waiting, and the brief exchange with him gave them a change in topic. 

“And I thought that I got too many snacks,” Steve said as he saw the amount of pizza she ordered. 

“I have eaten a whole pizza in one night, so I would be more worried about not getting enough,” she argued, giving all three of the pizza boxes to Steve. 

“Is that all I’m here for?” He asked, adjusting the boxes in his arms slightly as she paid the delivery person. 

“You got a problem with that?” Natasha quirked her eyebrow, opening the door so that Steve could walk through first. Steve shook his head as he was walking. 

“Not at all,” he huffed, slightly breathless as they started walking up the stairs. Bucky would have killed him for not asking for help, yelling at him for being some self-sacrificial little shit who ignores his asthma. Steve always brushed him off, this time being no different, even if Bucky was only scolding him in his head. 

When they opened the door from the stairwell to Natasha’s floor the smell of weed hit him in the face. As soon as he saw the hints of smoke he knew what was about to happen. He felt the familiar tightening in his throat. He tried to control his breathing, so not to freak Natasha out with his wheezing. Luckily the sounds of people laughing in their dorms kept her from noticing while they were in the hallways. However, once the door was closed to her room she spun around to face him, grabbing the boxes from him and shoving them at Peggy who was closest to the door. 

“Why didn’t you tell me you were having an attack, idiot,” Natasha sounded worried as she pulled out her phone, “Do you have your inhaler?” Steve shook his head. 

“Idiot,” Natasha muttered again, “Where is it?” 

“In my desk, first drawer,” Steve got out, not having a bad enough attack to be unable to speak. She nodded, turning to Sam. 

“Go get it,” she commanded. Sam’s hast to get up brought Steve’s attention to how everyone in the room was watching him. He felt his heart rate put up at that, hating to be the center of attention. So he went to his chair and sat down, straightening his back as much as he could. He focused instead on the screensaver Natasha had, the default rotation of moving colors. He started to try and regulate his breathing as he watched the screen. 

He noticed Natasha looking up from her phone and beginning to move around the room. Some music started playing, he could only assume that was Natasha. After only a few moments she came to rest next to him, picking up his hand and putting it on her back as she moved through the breathing exercise he was attempting to go through. He began to match her breathing, letting the music calm him. 

He did not know how long they sat there in silence, but it was as long as it took for Sam to come back. He was breathing slightly heavily, but was carrying Steve’s bag of inhalers in his hand. Steve grabbed for it, opening it up and taking out his rescue inhaler. As he began to go through his normal rescue inhaler steps, everyone seemed to calm down. As he took puffs of his inhaler he realized that there was a breeze going through the room, which was coming from a window Natasha must have opened. When he finally was able to breath again he turned to her. 

“Thank you, Nat. Really. I can get through an attack on my own but it’s easier if I don’t have to,” Steve told her, meaning every word. She smiled back at him.

“I know,” she replied. Steve couldn’t help the look of confusion on his face. He didn’t think he had ever had an attack in front of her. She must have seen his confusion, silently cursing under her breath.

“I know people who can deal with asthma, I asked them,” she explained. Steve nodded, understanding. Then suddenly he stopped, remembering. The breathing they had done. That wasn’t any of the normal breathing exercises, it was the one Bucky made up when they were young. The first time he had seen him have an attack without an inhaler, he knew enough to keep him breathing. He tried to remember the breathing exercise from his mom's old yoga tapes, but he didn’t get it right. He knew they were counts, but he didn’t remember exactly what they were. He thought it was five in, hold for six, seven out, repeat. So that is what they had done. It had taken a while, but since the attack was luckily very mild, they managed to get it down. Steve just started using that by default on accident. But the only other person who knew that was Bucky. Everyone else would do 4,7,8 if they were counting, or a different technique altogether. 

He looked at Natasha and her face was already tense, frozen in a type of grimace. He was sure his face was easy to read at the present moment. He tried to fix that with little success. He couldn’t believe she asked him of all people. And furthermore, that he replied. He and Steve hadn’t talked in weeks, but now that he needed protecting Bucky was there. As always. It was infuriating. 

“Why him?” He asked, unable to keep the bitterness from his voice. She winced. 

“He was the only person I knew who had helped someone with asthma attacks,” she tried to explain but Steve was shaking his head.

“You have all of the Internet in front of you,” he snapped, putting his hand over his mouth as soon as he did. 

“I panicked, okay? I have never seen anyone have an asthma attack, I didn’t know how bad it was and I knew he would. I’m sorry, but he still knows you better than I do,” she said. He let out a dry chuckle, and then signed.

“I know. Thank you, Natasha, really. And I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have yelled at you like that,” he apologized. She cocked her head.

“You are allowed to be angry, you know,” she replied. Steve just smiled tightly. 

“Not at you. Seriously, thank you,” he repeated, “We can start the movie again, sorry about all that.” Everyone else, looking fairly confused, just went back to their seats as the movie started. Steve couldn’t pay much attention though, breath ragged for a different reason now. Natasha kept sneaking glances and looking at him, occasionally typing on her phone. He knew she must still be texting Bucky, and he was angry about it. Not about her, but about Bucky. He couldn’t even text Steve, but he still needed to make sure he was okay. Steve just wanted to be able to physically push him away. 

However, he was really in the wrong place if he wanted to stop thinking about Bucky. Not only was Natasha obviously still texting him, but he had made the mistake of checking instagram to try and take his mind off her and the movie, both of which reminded him of Bucky. He should have known better, because Bucky was very active on instagram, and before he had always liked every picture, even commenting on some. So the algorithm picked one of Bucky’s pictures to show him first. 

Steve’s breath caught in his throat. There was another man. It shouldn’t have been that surprising. Bucky was known to be a player before they started dating. He was almost always dating a new girl, and guy once he came out sophomore year. Rarely single for more than a few weeks, only keeping each relationship for at most a few months. Hell, he had only been single for like three weeks before they started dating. But Bucky had always told Steve he was different. And Steve had foolishly believed him. 

So even though they had been broken up for two weeks, and Steve had no claim to him anymore, or really any reason to be jealous, he could feel the emotion rising in him. The other man had his arm around Steve’s, well, not Steve’s, Bucky, and his lips were pressed firmly against his cheek. He could tell Bucky was drunk, his smile not all genuine and his eyes unfocused. He was still the most attractive man in the picture, or anywhere and that also made Steve furious. He didn’t know why he thought once he broke up with him he would just stop being attracted to him, but that was the furthest thing from the truth. 

Even just looking at this stupid drunken picture he could still remember how Bucky felt. The way Steve had been shorter for the beginning of their relationship, so he always had to bend his elbow while they were holding hands. Then as he grew taller his elbow would bend less and less until they were pretty much even. His hands were calloused from work and guitar, his arms toned from wrestling. And his lips. God, Bucky’s lips were always soft, which Steve considered a miracle given how dry the winters could get. 

Steve shook his head, trying to clear his mind from thoughts of Bucky. He closed instagram and shut off his phone. Instead, to distract himself he filled a plate with food and poured his attention into eating it. Managing to alternate between distractions of food and playing mindless games on his phone he didn’t notice the first movie ending and the second movie beginning. When he looked up and saw what was happening his heart sank, this had been Bucky’s favorite one of the three.

_ It was the summer before they were both going to college. Bucky was 19, Steve 18. Bucky had gotten the afternoon off from the job he had managed to keep throughout his gap year. Steve always used to tease him about the gap year.  _

_ “Just couldn’t go a year without me, huh,” he would say. Bucky would blush, something very rare. Then he would just playfully shove him and say something along the lines of: _

_ “You know I need the money, punk. Scholarships only go so far.” _

_ Then one time it was different. One time he said something so completely different he never teased Bucky about it again. Bucky had been romantic and mushy all day, making Steve blush the majority of the time. Steve wanted to get him back, make him the one turning pink, so he said it. This time Bucky’s eyes just went soft and he reached up to cup Steve’s cheek, rubbing his thumb back and forth just under his eye.  _

_ “I haven’t lived without you in almost ten years, and I wasn’t looking forward to that happening anytime soon,” he replied softly. Steve felt the heat rising to his cheeks again. _

_ “You can’t just say things like that,” Steve muttered. Bucky chuckled slightly. _

_ “You asked,” he said, “and it’s true. Long distance is gonna be the hardest fucking thing, but we can get through it. We have to, because I don’t think I can live without you. I know we are so young, and it’s probably stupid to think that way. But I mean it. I did need the money this year, but I would be lying if I said you didn’t factor into the decision at all.”  _

_ Steve’s face evolved from an unheated glare at the first snarky comment, to blushing again, to wonder, to love. So much love that all Bucky could do was pull him into a kiss. They never discussed his gap year again.  _

_ But this afternoon they had both taken off specifically to spend on a date night together. They had planned to see a movie, maybe get some dinner. However, Steve had gotten food poisoning from the takeout his mom had gotten the night before. So instead they were half sitting, half laying on Steve’s bed, curled up watching Lord of the Rings, again.  _

_ “You know I never understood this part,” Bucky broke the silence. Steve had not really been paying attention to the movie. He was laying against Bucky’s chest, Bucky’s hand running unconsciously through Steve’s hair. Steve had closed his eyes to get lost in the feeling. Now Steve looked, seeing Arwin and her father talking about giving up her immortality for Aragorn.  _

_ “What do you mean?” Steve asked, no accusing tone in his voice, just curiosity.  _

_ “Like, she knows that Aragorn will die before her. She knows there will be years of pain after he does. I mean, has she even dated anyone else? How can she be so sure about him?” Bucky wonders aloud. Steve pushes himself up so he can look at Bucky.  _

_ “I understand it. Because I know you have dated many people, so you may forget this, but I have never dated anyone else. And here I am with my very own Aragorn,” Steve told him. Bucky blushed faintly, but Steve could see it. He could also see the small pleased smile on his lips.  _

_ “Shut up,” was how he replied, however.  _

_ “You are just mad because you want Aragorn to end up with Legolas,” Steve said matter-of-factly.  _

_ “Maybe,” Bucky grumbled, looking down, and Steve laughed at that.  _

_ “You’re a dork,” Steve said fondly and pecked his forehead, “But I would still give up my immortality for you.” _

_ “Steve…” Bucky started warningly. Steve just shook his head, shutting him up.  _

_ “You are the one who said you couldn’t live without me, so you are listening to this. I don’t care what elf I would be in Lord of the Rings…”  _

_ “You would be an elf?” Bucky questioned.  _

_ “I’m being romantic, shut up,” Steve snapped. Bucky laughed, but did as he was told. _

_ “I wouldn’t matter what elf I was, if you were Aragorn I would give up my immortality for you without a second thought. I wouldn’t care how much it would hurt later, as long as I got you for a while. I love you, Buck, and I don’t see that changing any time soon.” Bucky closed his eyes at the speech.  _

_ “And people call me the romantic one,” Bucky huffed. “You say all that, but you don’t even know what you’re missing when it comes to other people.”  _

_ “Well, that’s the best part, I don’t even know what I’m missing, so you don’t have anyone to live up to. You could be the worst date ever and I’d never know,” Steve joked and Bucky laughed, though Steve thought it sounded distracted. He looked back at the tv to see Legolas doing an impressive flip and just sighed.  _

_ “I guess I would have to be Legolas, in order to keep your attention,” Steve grumbled. Bucky laughed again.  _

_ “Yeah, well you said Aragorn was your gay awakening…” Bucky began. _

_ “Bi,” Steve corrected. _

_ “Yeah, well Legolas was mine.” Bucky continued.  _

_ “Asshole, you know when I said Aragorn I meant you.” Steve told him.  _

_ “Yeah, well Legolas was mine,” he repeated. Steve blushed again, burying his face in Bucky’s chest. There was a muffled noise of Steve trying to talk. _

_ “What was that?” Bucky asked. _

_ “When?” Came the muffled reply.  _

_ “I mean in middle school…” Bucky started. _

_ “Middle school!” Steve exclaimed and sat upright, “I looked like shit in middle school.” _

_ “Let me finish, Stevie,” Bucky interrupted. Steve huffed, but laid back down.  _

_ “In middle school I realized I looked at you like I didn’t look at anyone else. I just assumed it was because we were best friends. I always knew that I didn’t look at you the way I thought about girls, but then freshman year I realized that I looked at boys more than I looked at girls. And I looked at you most of all. Then it sort of hit me. It wasn’t just a crush like I had on other boys, I was fully in love with you. It was more than I had ever felt about anyone, and it scared me. Sophomore year as I started dating guys I thought I would get that feeling for them, but it was only ever you,” he finished.  _

_ “You are definitely the romantic one,” Steve replied, propping his chin on Bucky’s chest. Bucky laughed.  _

_ “Suppose I am,” he said with a cocky grin.  _

_ “Don’t worry, I love it,” Steve muttered, holding himself up so that he can maneuver his body to kiss Bucky. Bucky returned it easily, his hand threading through the short hairs at the base of Steve’s skull, pulling him closer. They didn’t watch the rest of the movie.  _

Steve didn’t think he could do this. He couldn’t sit through his favorite, the third, because it was the one with Aragorn’s main arch. That used to be the reason he loved it, but now when he saw Aragorn all he could see was Bucky. And he couldn’t watch that ending wedding scene. He had never in his wildest dreams imagined that Bucky would leave him or marry someone else, so it never bothered him before. But now he would see Bucky marry someone else, even if it was only in pictures and secondhand stories. It would still happen. And Steve didn’t want to think about that now. 

He stood abruptly. Everyone turned to him, questioning looks on his face. It was only then he remembered he was in a room filled with other people. He tried for a smile, the fake one which only Bucky could see through. Natasha paused the movie. 

“Sorry, everyone, I am really just not feeling all that great after my attack. I thought the food would help, but I think it’s made it worse. I’m just gonna head back to my dorm and go to sleep,” he explained. 

“Are you sure?” Peggy asked, he nodded wordlessly. 

“I’ll see you back at the room then,” Sam said. 

“And Natasha, thank you for everything. We should definitely do this again next Friday, I’ll actually remember to bring my inhaler next time,” he smiled, picking up his backpack. She nodded.

“Will do,” she replied, and with that Steve left her room. He was sure they would all be talking about him in there now, but right now that didn’t matter. He just made his way back to his dorm, and despite it only being around nine, he changed into pajamas and got into bed. He knew he wouldn’t be able to fall asleep, so instead he just watched something which couldn’t remind him of Bucky until he felt sleep come to claim him.

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hahaha two flashbacks are a fun time. Please let me know what you think!


	3. Out In LA

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just a warning there are mentions of cancer in this chapter (during the flashback), not any death, a diagnosis of a family member. I added it to the tags as well because I forgot to do that when I started. I'll do a quick summery of the flashback in the end notes.

Well, here he was. Bucky supposed he probably should have had a more extreme reaction to stepping into his dorm for the first time, but after the travel it had taken to get there he couldn’t think much beyond that. The whole thing felt surreal, from waiting in the airport, both planes, the Lyft he had taken to get here. The fact that his entire dorm was somehow going to come out of three suitcases (which were very hard to deal with at the same time). At least his room was on the first floor so he didn’t have to pull them all upstairs. 

Right now the room looked a bit like a cell. Cinder block walls painted white. And he realized the problem with having a room on the bottom floor, the windows were very heavily shaded and did not offer much light. Despite the blinds being open, he flicked on the overhead light, which cast an orange-yellow hue on the room. Perfect. 

Since the room was empty he opted to take the left side, rolling his suitcases over that way. He opened the one which held his bedding and a few personal items onto his desk. The sheets had gotten quite wrinkled on the journey over, but otherwise it seemed fine. He pulled them out and started putting them on the bed. He just had some sheets and two throw blankets, but he figured as it was over 90 degrees and there wasn’t any air conditioning in the dorms, he wouldn’t be needing those for a while. 

He also took out his one pillow which had been flattened in his suitcase, and attempted to fluff it up, throwing it on his bed. With his bed made he moved onto the other two suitcases with his clothes, opening them on his bed and unpacking them. The few items of clothing which needed to be hung up were all wrinkled as well, but he put them in the closet anyways, figuring he would deal with them later. 

It ended up taking him another few hours to completely unpack, mostly because his roommate showed up and they had a few brief conversations, drawing out the time it took for both of them to unpack. Not that Bucky minded, he was a bit too out of it to mind much of anything. His roommate seemed nice enough, but he was also from LA, so he already knew a bunch of people here. This was also a bonus to Bucky, who was planning on getting so drunk tonight he could forget everything currently happening in his life. His roommate seemed on board with that plan, no questions asked. 

When they finished setting up their dorm Bucky realized how different their sides looked. His roommate had a car, and had brought a bunch of posters, some disco lights, and like a tv. So his walls were covered. Bucky had nothing on his walls. His roommate offered him some lights, which he took, just to have something. 

They had eaten dinner together with a few of his roommates friends from high school. Bucky was able to laugh along with them, earning a few slaps on the back, but he didn’t really blend in. He honestly was just ready for this all to be over, so when the sun started setting and his roommate invited him over to his upperclassmen friend’s off-campus apartment, Bucky was more than ready. He knew he was about to be drinking to forget Steve, but he hadn’t forgotten yet, which compelled him to take out his phone. 

He couldn’t text Steve. Not yet, so instead he opted to text his second closest friend at NYU, the only other person he would trust with this. 

To Natasha:

Could you check on Steve tonight? I know this whole situation is overwhelming for him and it might be nice to see a familiar face

Natasha:

Do you really think my familiar face is the one he wants to see?

To Natasha:

I don’t think it will matter. And I don’t know who else to ask

Natasha:

God, you two are so in love it’s sickening. Did you just see him like yesterday?

To Natasha:

Please, Nat

Natasha:

Fine. But I’m not passing along any sexy messages or anything like that. You’re on your own there. Let me know how the phone sex goes

To Natasha:

Thanks, just let me know how he’s doing. I know he won’t tell me if anything is wrong

Natasha:

Don’t you two tell each other everything?

To Natasha: 

You’re the best Nat, gotta go

Bucky quickly put away his phone, ignoring the rest of the buzzing coming from it. He also ignored the rising heat behind his eyes, because he would not cry, not here and not ever. He puts his phone on silent as soon as he walks into the apartment. It is not much and there are only around like fifteen people there, but there is plenty of alcohol and that is what mattered. 

The rest of the night was a blur. Well, it probably wasn’t a blur for the beginning, but by the time he woke up the next morning on a strange couch, he couldn’t remember much of anything. He definitely smelled like someone else’s cologne and there were a few hickey’s on his neck, but that didn’t surprise him. He tended to make out with random people when he was drunk. Well, the past few years it was just Steve, but now he was back to random people. And at least his clothes were still on and he was asleep in a public place surrounded by a few other people, so he figured it didn’t get much farther than that. 

He didn’t see his roommate though, so he opted for just texting him and heading outside to get a Lyft back to campus. The Lyft driver, upon seeing how much of a mess he was, most likely pieced together what was going on, and didn’t say anything the whole ride back. 

His dorm room was empty, so presumably his roommate had stayed over with his friends too. Finally he took out his phone to actually check it, not just do the one action he planned. He saw he had five missed calls from Natasha, as well as a series of texts. 

Natasha:

Pick up your phone goddamn it

If you think we are not talking about this you are very wrong

Wtf were you thinking

Call me as soon as you can

You fucked up big time

Bucky leaned back on his bed and closed his eyes. He had known she was going to find out last night, but that didn’t mean he wanted to deal with it. The pounding behind his eyelids and in his skull did not encourage him to respond either. But he had to know how Steve was doing, even if it meant listening to Natasha yell at him while his head felt heavy enough he wasn’t sure he would be able to sit up anytime soon. She picked up on the first ring.

“James Buchanan Barnes, you are a complete and utter dick, you are lucky I am even willing to talk to you,” she said as a greeting.

“So you are not even going to ask for my side of the story?” Bucky questioned, as cocky as he could manage in his current state. Given Natasha’s unimpressed sign, it did not sound cocky at all. 

“Given how broken up Steve was, there is no way he was the one who ended things,” she replied, her voice stone cold. Bucky paled, very glad that Natasha can’t see him. 

“What do you mean? How bad?” Bucky immediately, unable to keep the panic out of his voice. 

“You don’t have any right to be asking,” she snapped.

“Natasha, please,” he knew he was begging. He didn’t care. 

“He’s not doing well, thanks to you. Fuck, he’s trying to hide it. I don’t know him that well, so I can’t tell exactly how bad it is, but it’s bad. Barnes, what on earth did he ever do to deserve this?” She growled. 

“He didn’t do anything,” Bucky whispered. 

“Then what the hell happened Barnes?” She asked, voice laced with venom. 

“God, Nat, I can’t talk about it, I just can’t,” he said, hoping his voice didn’t sound as shaky as it felt. 

“If this is some self-punishment I swear I will fly out to LA and beat sense into you myself,” she promised.

“It’s for the best, really,” he responded. 

“For who? Cause it sure as hell isn’t Steve, and it doesn’t sound like it is for you either,” she questioned. 

“Sometimes things just aren’t worth it, okay?” He finally yelled, breaking his forced calm. The line went silent. 

“I never thought there would be a time when I would side with someone over you, but I guess we have found it. God, I don’t even know Steve that well, but all I can see is how broken he is. He didn’t break up with you, so that means you are the one that broke him. From everything I have heard about him over the years, mostly from you I will add, he is a complete and utter sweetheart. And I have heard you say you want to marry this boy, so I feel like I have a right to know what the fuck happened.”

“It’s not that simple Nat,” 

“Yeah? Well I have all day,” There was a pause.

“Just make sure he is okay,” Bucky eventually broke the silence. 

“Why don’t you just call him?” Natasha asked. 

“He doesn’t want to hear from me right now.”

“I think you are the only person he wants to hear from right now.”

“I just can’t. I know you have no reason to help me on this, God knows I don’t deserve it, but please. At least do it for Steve. When he is this broken he tends to retreat inward into his own head. He won’t want to spend time with anyone. There will be a voice in his head telling him everything is his fault, that he deserves to be alone, isolated. I know you aren’t going to be able to stop that from happening, I couldn’t magically make it better when we were…” Bucky swallowed, “but he needs social interaction. He won’t search it out, and sometimes it's best he has time to himself, but he needs it. God, just don’t let him be alone. Please Nat, I can’t stand to think of him alone like that. He doesn’t deserve it.”

“I will, for him Bucky, not for you,” Natasha promises. 

“Thank you Nat, that means more than you can possibly know,” Bucky sighed in relief. 

“Why did you end things,” Natasha asked again. Bucky just closed his eyes.

“I gotta go,” he replied quickly.

“Do not hang up on me, I swear to God, Bucky…” Natasha started, but was cut off by Bucky ending the call. His phone started buzzing again, but he ignored it. Just like he ignored the excess of moisture building up in his eyes. 

_ Bucky took an unsteady breath as he entered the apartment. Steve had texted him as soon as he got the news, but he hadn’t heard from him since. He immediately had offered to leave work, but Steve convinced him not to, something he was really regretting right now. He clenched his fists to stop them from shaking, he needed to be the strong one right now. He heard a quiet sniffle from Steve’s bedroom, so he tried to collect himself before opening the door.  _

_ He opened the door slowly so as to not startle Steve. He honestly expected him to look worse given the circumstances. He was seated on his bed, his feet planted on the ground, still wearing the same outfit he had been earlier. His eyes were red from crying and there are wet tracks down his cheeks, but there were no more tears falling from his face now. He barely looked up when Bucky came into the room. _

_ “Baby,” Bucky breathed out before crowding between Steve’s legs and quickly wrapping Steve in his arms. He could feel the wetness of his cheeks against his stomach. He was dropping kisses in quick succession into the hair on the top of Steve’s head. Bucky didn’t know how long he stood there, legs pressed against Steve’s bedside, Steve quiet crying in his arms. He didn’t know what to say, because nothing he could say could change this. It couldn’t make it better. All he could do was hold him.  _

_ “I’m gonna go get you some water, sweetheart,” he murmured, starting to withdraw from Steve. Before he could even move an inch, Steve’s arms flew up around his waist.  _

_ “Please don’t go,” he whispered, barely auditable. Bucky had to close his own eyes to keep the tears at bay.  _

_ “I’m not going anywhere, baby, not if you don’t want me to,” Bucky promised, “but we should at least lie down, this has got to be hurting your back.” _

_ “My pain doesn’t matter, not right now,” another whisper. Bucky felt his arm’s tightening reflexively around Steve. He wanted to tell Steve just how wrong he was, but he knew Steve couldn’t hear that right now.  _

_ “That’s not true,” was all Bucky said, “Now come on, Stevie.” He gently pushed Steve down against the mattress. Steve went completely limp against the movement, and Bucky tried to work through the way it made his heart ache. He gently maneuvered Steve so he was lying with his head on his pillow, before joining Steve himself.  _

_ Bucky laid on his side and Steve turned so he could face him. Steve opened his mouth to speak, but nothing came out. Fresh tears began to pour down his face. Bucky reached out and pulled Steve into his arms again. Steve tucked his face into Bucky’s neck and wrapped his arms around Bucky as well. _

_ “I don’t know what to do,” Steve confessed, voice muffled by his position.  _

_ “You don’t gotta do anything right now, Stevie. And when she gets back from the doctor’s I’m gonna be here with you, I’m gonna stay here all night, so even if you feel like you need to be strong around her, you don’t need to be strong around me,” Steve whimpered against him. Bucky started stroking his hair with one hand.  _

_ “I’m gonna be here as long as you want me to be,” Bucky told him.  _

_ “What if she doesn’t make it? I’m not ready, I don’t think I can live through that,” Steve whispered. _

_ “She works for a hospital, they are gonna take good care of her. Your mom is a fighter too. And it is only stage 2, she has a good chance of surviving,” Bucky treasured him. _

_ “But what if she doesn’t? I won’t have any family left.” _

_ “Then I’m gonna be here. I can’t fix it, but I’ll be damned if I can’t at least hold you through this. I’m not going anywhere. No matter what. You are my family, Stevie. You and your mom are both my family. Nothing is changing that. So no matter what happens, you will always have a family with me.” _

_ ——————— _

Natasha doesn’t contact him at all until Friday. He tried texting her once at the beginning of the week, but she never replied. No, she waited until Bucky was at his first frat party to text him. It was round 10, so he was just pleasantly tipsy. 

Natasha:

Steve’s having an attack and he doesn’t have his inhaler

Bucky felt his heart stop. Steve had never been careful about his asthma, which had always been a cause for tension in their relationship. Bucky had even taken to carrying one of this emergency inhalers, because Steve never had it with him when he needed it. He ran outside, leaning against the outside of the house.

To Natasha:

How bad?

Natasha:

He can still talk, but he is wheezing pretty bad

Bucky breathed a bit of relief. At least he could still talk.

To Natasha:

It helps him to match his breathing to someone. 5 in, hold for 6, 7 out. Put his hand on your back or something

And put on music

Also what caused it?

Natasha:

There was some smoke in the hallway

To Natasha:

Open the window

He didn’t get a reply, presumably because she was doing what he told her to do. He couldn’t help the way his breath quickened as he waited. The happy, numb feeling brought on by the alcohol long gone. Finally after what felt like years, he got another text.

Natasha:

He got his inhaler

He’s breathing is back to normal

Bucky choked up a bit, relief filling his body, bringing the high back a bit. He wasn’t done though, he needed to be sure. 

To Natasha:

How is he doing?

Natasha:

He looks pretty shaken up

To Natasha:

Is he focused on anything?

Natasha:

He looks like he’s trying to watch the movie

Wait now he’s trying to look at his phone

To Natasha:

Trying?

Natasha:

I think he’s zoning out

Bucky closed his eyes, leaning back against the wall. He wished he was there to try and get him out of his head. He had seen this happen too many times, but he also knew that Steve would leave before he let any of them help him. Hell, it had taken him years before Steve would let him help. 

To Natasha:

He’s probably going to leave soon

Natasha:

Are you telling me to stop him

To Natasha:

No, let him go. Don’t make a big deal out of it

Bucky hated the idea of Steve being alone, but he also knew how much Steve hated seeming weak. He knew that if they made a big deal he would stay, and he would keep all his emotions bottled up. It was better for him to be able to fall apart by himself, then to keep it inside indefinitely. 

Natasha didn’t reply again, so he went back inside. Despite it being early in the night, he couldn’t bring himself to get back into it. So instead of rejoining beer pong, which is how he got tipsy when he first got here, or dancing as he had been before Natasha texted him. He opened a fresh beer and sat on the couch. 

He opened his phone, ignoring the instagram notifications he had for a tagged photo, and instead going straight to Steve’s contact. It had only been a few weeks since he texted him. His contact photo was still the same. It was a picture from Steve’s senior prom. Bucky had convinced him to take a bunch of cheesy photos, this being one of them. Bucky was holding Steve’s hand from behind the camera, Steve’s arm outstretched in front of him. He was blushing, mid-laugh at the ridiculousness of the picture, his eyes filled with so much love it had made Bucky’s heart stop the first time he saw it. 

Even now it made Bucky smile. It was his favorite photo he had of Steve, a close second being the one which used to be his lock screen, them kissing in their suits with the Brooklyn bridge in the background. He looked over the last few lines of their last conversation. 

To Steve:

When are you going to be home?

Steve:

Idk, probably around 30 minutes

Is everything okay?

To Steve:

Yeah

I just want to talk to you about something

Steve:

I’m not doing anything important, you can tell me now

To Steve:

It’s fine, I’d rather say it in person anyway

Steve:

Okay, love you

Now Bucky’s hands were shaking as he tapped the screen to begin typing again. He typed out a simple message, his hand trembling as his finger hovered over the send button. 

To Steve:

Are you okay?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ummmm so, sorry about all that angst, but he's going through it. I know this is kinda a hurt no comfort chapter, but the next one should be better!
> 
> Flashback summery: Steve's mom is diagnosed, Bucky comes over and comforts him. Bucky calls Steve his family.


	4. Clint’s Apartment and Drunken Shenanigans

Steve was doing better. He was not okay, not by a long shot, but he was better. He realized why Bucky liked Natasha so much, because once she was on your side she was completely on your side. She wouldn’t let him wallow in self pity every night, on the weekends at least coming over to his dorm once to make sure he was not just laying in bed all day. Or at least offering to sit with him. She was always happy to hear how much he was going to the gym with Sam, coming with them a few times. So, generally, he liked her.

However, this particular Saturday night he was regretting ever having met her. Or Sam for that matter, they really just encouraged each other sometimes. In fact, it felt like everyone but Angie was ganging up on him. 

“Steve, you promised me a party, we are going,” Natasha stated, her arms crossed over her chest. Steve flashed a look to Sam for help, but he just shrugged. 

“Look, man, Clint’s the captain of our ultimate league, I'm not going to decline an invitation to his apartment,” Sam said. Steve turned to Riley.

“What he said,” Riley replied, motioning to Sam. Steve signed, it really looked like he wasn’t getting out of this. 

“You can go without me, I’ll come to a party later in the year. I mean it’s only the third week of class, we have time,” Steve protested. Natasha narrowed her eyes.

“Come on, we are not leaving you alone on a Saturday night,” Natasha responded. 

“Maybe I just don’t feel like breaking any laws,” Steve tried.

“And what law would you be breaking?” Sam asked, eyebrows raised.

“Drinking?” Steve answered sheepishly. 

“Oh my god! How dare we corrupt this all-American law-abiding boy with our scandals,” Sam mock fainted, putting the back of his hand against his forehead. Riley laughed and caught him, hauling him upright again. 

“Steve, we are not asking you to drink. And you don’t have to come if you really don’t want to, but we would all love for you to come. You might just have a good time too,” Natasha told him, the others nodding in along to what she said. Steve signed again.

“I know, I know,” Steve replied, staying silent for a few moments. He didn’t know why he was holding back so much, he had gotten drunk before with his friends in high school. They had always had a great time, and Steve was ignoring the fact that a certain someone had always been there, so this might be the same. 

“Fine, I’ll go,” Steve finally broke the silence. Sam and Riley cheered, while Natasha just smirked. 

“That’s what I like to hear Rogers,” she said, uncrossing her arms and walking out of the room. Sam and Riley followed right behind her, Steve bringing up the rear. 

Clint’s apartment was off-campus, but was only a five minute walk away. Natasha had the directions pulled up on her phone and was leading them all the way to the apartment. She was also the one to knock, despite not being the one of the two people who were actually invited to this party. Clint opened the door only a few moments after Natasha knocked. He looked momentarily confused by seeing her there, but as soon as he saw Sam and Riley his face lit up.

“Sam, Riley, I’m so glad you two could make it!” He greeted, “I’m guessing you two are the friends I have heard so much about?” He gestured at Steve and Natasha.

“That would be us,” Natasha confirmed, “I’m Natasha, and this is Steve.” Steve gave a wave. 

“Well, come on in,” Clint stepped back to let them in. It wasn’t a huge place, only a two bedroom that was split between him and three other guys on the team, but the living area was pretty big by New York City standards. 

Natasha immediately went to the kitchen to make herself a drink, and Steve not knowing what else to do followed her. Sam and Riley, however, had stayed back to talk with Clint. On the short walk to the kitchen he caught sight to two familiar faces dancing among the crowd. Peggy had just said something to make both her and Angie laugh hysterically. 

“Can I fix you something?” Natasha asked. Steve hesitated, not sure if getting drunk would make everything he was feeling better or much worse. Considering the one time he had gotten drunk because he was sad he had spent most of the time curled up in Bucky’s lap, avoiding eye contact and trying not to cry, he was betting on worse.

“Can I just get a cup of lemonade or something?” He asked sheepishly, but Natasha just smiled and nodded, fixing lemonade for him and mixing vodka and sprite in a cup for herself. When she handed him the cup, she noticed Peggy and Angie too. And of course, as she walked towards them, Steve followed. 

“You come here often?” Natasha asked as soon as she was in eyeshot. Angie snorted and turned to her.

“That the best you’ve got?” She challenged. Natasha raised an eyebrow and smirked. 

“Not for you,” she replied easily. Angie rolled her eyes, having been on the receiving end of Natasha’s pickup lines since the beginning of the year. However, that didn’t stop her from dragging Natasha in to dance. Now Steve was just awkwardly standing a bit to the side watching them.

“Don’t you dance, Steve?” Angie asked. Suddenly he could feel Bucky’s arms around his waist, his cheek pressed against Steve’s hair, Steve’s face buried in Bucky’s neck. Steve shook his head, both in response and to rid the image from his brain. 

“I’m not much of a dancer,” Steve replied. 

“Want me to teach you?” Peggy offered. Before Steve could open his mouth to deny her, Sam came running over. 

“Steve, you gotta come over here, we are about to start King’s cup,” Sam said, pulling him towards a group of people sitting down. Sam flopped down on top of Riley, who was sitting in an armchair. Steve sat on the floor in front of them. 

“Alright, so here’s how this goes. You pick up a card, and each card corresponds to an action you have to do. Honestly look up what card corresponds to what on your phone if you don’t know them already, cause there are so many to explain. Just know if you get the king, pour a bit of your drink in the cup. If you get the fourth king you have to drink it. Alright, let’s get started,” Clint explained. Natasha, Peggy and Angie came over, Natasha and Angie ended up draped all over each other, Peggy sat down next to Steve. 

“You ever played before?” She asked. Steve shook his head. 

“Me either, I guess this will be a first for both of us then,” she laughed. Steve smiled back at her.

Clint drew a card first, it was an ace of spades. Steve quickly pulled out his phone to look at what that meant.

“Starting off strong, waterfall,” Clint announced, tipping his glass back and starting to drink. The person next to him then did the same, each person going in turn and not stopping. Clint stayed drinking until he managed to get everyone drinking, which was quite impressive as there were like 20 people there. Someone wolf-whistled once everyone finally stopped drinking. 

Natasha was next, picking up a five of hearts. Never have I ever. Everyone put up their hand. 

“Never have I ever cried in public,” Natasha said. Steve didn’t put down a finger, but Sam, Angie and Clint did. Riley also didn’t, neither did Peggy. 

“Never have I ever gone through someone’s phone without them knowing,” the next person said. Natasha, Angie, Steve and Clint all put down their fingers. Sam, Peggy and Riley did not. 

“Never have I ever forgotten my lines for a play,” As Angie was the only theater major of the people Steve knew, she was the only one that put her finger down. 

“Never have I ever shot a gun.” Natasha, Clint, and Peggy all put a finger down. 

“Never have I ever had sex on a first date.” Natasha, Angie, Clint, and Riley all but a finger down. 

“Never have I ever been walked in on by my parents.” Natasha and Clint put their fingers down.

“Never have I ever been choked, sexually or not.” Multiple people had all their fingers down at this question, causing them to drink. Natasha and Clint were both in this group. Therefore, Steve just relaxed his hand, not having to show anyone that he would have to put a finger down. 

Angie went next, drawing a 4 of diamonds. All the women drank. The next person, the other ultimate frisbee co-captain, drew a three of spades, and promptly drank. Sam went next, drawing an 8 of diamonds. He had to pick someone to drink every time he drank.

“Alright, Riley, you’re my mate,” Sam smiled. Riley rolled his eyes. 

“Big surprise there,” Natasha commented. 

“Shut the fuck up,” Sam snapped back, but with no heat. Riley drew a 9 of diamonds, which meant everyone would go around in a circle rhyming and the person who stopped drank. 

“Time,” Riley started. 

“Mime,” Steve continued. It managed to get all the way back to Clint, who then promptly exclaimed ‘shit’ and drank. 

Steve drew a jack of hearts. He quickly checked his phone to see what that meant. He had to come up with a new rule. In his haze all he could think of was when Bucky challenged him to do this the first time he got drunk.

“Every time you drink, you have to lock your elbows to your side and try to drink that way. T-Rex arms,” Steve blurted out. Everyone laughed.

_ Bucky had been the one to ask. Steve had stayed late at school that day, just an extra hour to talk to his pre-calculus teacher about the most recent exam. He had thrown his backpack down as soon as he closed the door, not paying much attention to his surroundings.  _

_ “Bucky, I swear to god, this class is going to be the death of me,” he complained, kneeling down to get something out of his bag, “I’m going to be a fuck’n art major, why do I need pre-calculus. But of course, if I want to get into NYU I better have at least a B. How am I going to do this Bucky?”  _

_ Steve finally turned around, holding a folder in his hand. Bucky was standing in the living room, a bouquet of roses in his hand, with a banner behind him which said, ‘Prom, punk?’. Steve dropped the folder.  _

_ “I was wonder’n when you were gonna notice. So, what’da say?” Bucky asked. A huge grin took over Steve’s face.  _

_ “‘Course,” he replied, throwing himself into Bucky’s arms. Bucky grinned back, one arm wrapping around Steve, the other holding the forgotten flowers.  _

_ The day of prom itself had been hectic. Steve and Bucky had gone to Bucky’s junior prom together, but then they had just gone as friends. Now they were going together, together. And there seemed to be a lot more expectations.  _

_ Sarah had a night shift that day, so she was determined to get all of her photos in before she had to go to work. Bucky’s mom hadn’t been much better, determined to get the best pictures possible. They had to make sure to get plenty of pictures of the boutonnière exchanged, and of the two of them all over Steve’s apartment and outside of Steve’s apartment. By the end Steve’s face actually hurt from smiling, but it was worth it for the snarky comment Bucky kept whispering in his ear to make him laugh.  _

_ The prom itself was a blur. Loud music and talking to pretty much everyone he knew there. Also dancing. Steve did not like dancing as he was not very graceful, but Bucky loved it. So Steve let Bucky drag him onto the dance floor and tried to move in time with him. Slow dances were better, where he could just wrap his arms around Bucky’s neck and sway to Bucky’s lead. Those were much easier.  _

_ They stayed until the end, wrapped in each other’s arms for the last few songs, even if they are upbeat. When the dj finally shut down, Bucky pulled back, looking down at Steve. _

_ “Let’s go home, Stevie,” he whispered, and Steve nodded.  _

_ They made it back to Steve’s apartment fairly quickly. Bucky had already been over there, so his overnight bag was sitting in Steve’s room, filled with clothes and a bottle of vodka. Bucky grinned wickedly as he pulled it out.  _

_ “I cannot wait to see what kind of drunk you are,” Bucky commented as he unscrewed the cap. Steve raised his eyebrows.  _

_ “What kind of drunk are you?” Steve’s asked. Bucky laughed.  _

_ “Do you wanna know or do you wanna find out?” Bucky smirked mischievously.  _

_ “Kinda wanna know if you are about to start yelling or crying or something,” Steve said, rolling his eyes.  _

_ “Well, I am not either of those kinds of drunks. I’m more of the wake up with damning bruises on my neck kind,” Bucky replied easily.  _

_ “Who are those bruises normally coming from?” Steve questioned, a bit suspicious. _

_ “Before you, I never knew,” Bucky shrugged but then grinned, “now though, I think I’ll have a pretty good idea.” Steve rolled his eyes at that. _

_ “You better,” he snapped.  _

_ “Now, do you have any juice in this house or are we just drinking straight vodka?” Bucky asked. Steve wordlessly led Bucky into the fridge, throwing it open with a flair.  _

_ “Ta da,” he said flatly. Bucky chuckled and grabbed two glasses, a shot glass and the bottle of lemonade.  _

_ Bucky had suggested they do two shots at a time mixed with the lemonade, and Steve didn’t exactly know better. After his second drink he was starting to feel a bit lighter. He noticed he was laughing louder and talking more, but he had really expected to feel more different. Then about halfway through his third drink, and he realized what everyone was always talking about.  _

_ Bucky, on the other hand, at three drinks was acting no different. Steve found this annoying, and was very quick to voice it.  _

_ “I’m just sayin’, you don’t have to fake being sober,” Steve said for the third time, louder than he would normally be. Bucky just laughed.  _

_ “I should’ve known you’d be a lightweight,” Bucky responded. Steve pouted, attempting to stand up to put his hands on his hips, but he almost fell over. Bucky laughed again and moved to catch him.  _

_ “Shut up,” Steve grumbled, but it was undercut by the way he was still leaning against Bucky, “You just have some superhuman tolerance for alcohol.” _

_ “Hate to break it to ya, but I’m pretty normal, maybe a bit more tolerant than the average guy our age,” Bucky told him. Steve made a noise of disbelief.  _

_ “You may want to sit down again,” Bucky tried to move Steve toward the couch again, Steve grasping at him, pulling Bucky down on top of him. Bucky laughed.  _

_ “Let me up, I’m gonna go get you some water,” Bucky said, pushing himself off.  _

_ “You cutin’ me off?” Steve asked, mocked offended.  _

_ “I’m cutin’ you off, honey,” Bucky told him simply, “Maybe another night you’ll get more, but I think you’re drunk enough for the first time.” _

_ “It’s not fair that I’m like this and you’re just all… that,” Steve motioned up and down Bucky’s body as Bucky was walking back from the kitchen. Bucky cocked his eyebrows.  _

_ “I’m all that, huh?” Bucky teased and Steve shook his head. _

_ “That’s not what I meant, jerk, I mean you’re like all sober and shit,” Steve pouted. Bucky just raised his eyebrows.  _

_ “So you would prefer me drunk?” He asked. _

_ “You know what, jerk, right now I would,” Steve snapped back. _

_ “I dunno, seems like you are just trying to take advantage of me,” Bucky teased. Steve sighed unhappily.  _

_ “Yeah, that’s what I’m doing, not trying to hold you to your promise that you would get drunk with me for the first time when it was my first time,” Steve growled back. Bucky rolled his eyes fondly.  _

_ “Fine,” he said, going over to the bottle of vodka, pouring out and taking down one shot after another until he had taken three more, “Happy?”  _

_ Steve was looking at him with his mouth open. Bucky licked his lips to get the rest of the vodka off of them. He smirked afterward. Steve swallowed dryly.  _

_ “Um, yeah,” Steve replied in shock, blush creeping over his features, “Are you gonna be okay?” _

_ “I’m gonna be drunk, is what I’m gonna be,” Bucky muttered, signing as he sat down next to Steve. Suddenly he got a wicked grin on his face.  _

_ “I betcha you can’t drink upside-down,” he said. Steve raised his eyebrows at him.  _

_ “You think you didn’t get me with that when we played truth or dare in seventh grade? I know all your secrets,” Steve wiggled his fingers mischievously for emphasis.  _

_ “I could get you with it again, if you are up for a rematch?” Bucky hinted.  _

_ “Can you have a rematch of truth or dare?” Steve questioned.  _

_ “Does that really matter?”  _

_ “Why do you want to? You already know everything about me, and lord knows you could probably get me to do anything you wanted to,” Steve told him.  _

_ “Anything?” Bucky asked, leaning in close, his voice notably lower. Steve could feel his breath pick up. Bucky moved even closer, his warm breath coated Steve’s lips. There was a promise to his stance and words.  _

_ “What if I wanted you to play truth or dare?” Bucky mumbled against Steve’s lips, he could feel them move. Steve pulled back and glared at him. _

_ “You are a menace James Barnes,” Steve snapped. Bucky just grinned.  _

_ “Truth or dare, Stevie?” He didn’t stop grinning. Steve rolled his eyes, giving in.  _

_ “Dare.” _

_ “Drink…” Bucky started. _

_ “I should’ve seen this coming, I am not drinking upside-down again, Barnes,” Steve warned.  _

_ “You don’t know for sure that's what I was gonna ask.” _

_ “Yes I do,” Steve replied easily. _

_ “I was gonna have you drink with t-rex arms,” Bucky resorted.  _

_ “I’m sure you were,” Steve drawled, but obliged him, tucking his elbows against his side, picking up the cup and raising it to his lips. He managed it easily, so Steve didn’t really see how it was a challenge, then he saw Bucky trying not to laugh. Steve rolled his eyes.  _

_ “You just tryin’ to get me to embarrass myself now?” Steve asked, only a bit of heat in the words.  _

_ “I don’t have to try for that, baby,” Bucky said with a wink. Steve had no idea what that combination was supposed to mean, and he didn’t get a change to think about it before Bucky started talking again.  _

_ “Alright, give me a dare.” _

_ “Got something to prove?” Steve asked, quoting Bucky. _

_ “Nah, that’s all you. I’m just gettin’ bored sitting here,” Bucky said.  _

_ “Oh are you? We barely even started the game, the one you suggested, I might add,” Steve retorted.  _

_ “Gotta turn everything into a fight, only my luck to end up with an aggressive drunk,” Bucky muttered.  _

_ “Why don’t you break up with me then, if you don’t want to deal with me,” Steve snapped.  _

_ “Is that my dare?” Bucky asked, his voice calm.  _

_ “Fuck if I know, do you want it to be?”  _

_ “Is it?” _

_ “Sure, whatever!” Steve’s arm flew into the air to make his point. Bucky wordlessly took off his shirt and threw it in Steve’s face.  _

_ “What was that for?” Steve asked, throwing the shirt back at Bucky.  _

_ “I ain’t breakin’ up with you punk,” Bucky chuckled moving closer, “Ask me for a dare.” _

_ “Isn’t that against the rules? Don’t I need a truth first?” Steve questioned, but didn’t back away.  _

_ “Fuck the rules, ask me for a dare,” Bucky repeated.  _

_ “Fine, give me a dare jerk,” Steve said.  _

_ “Kiss me,” Bucky told him.  _

_ “We’re dating Bucky, you don’t need a dare to kiss me,” Steve snorted. _

_ “What is this, Steve Roger’s backing down from a challenge?” Bucky taunted.  _

_ “You’re not a challenge, Bucky,” Steve told him _

_ “Are you sayin’ I’m easy?” Bucky sounded mock-offended. _

_ “Maybe a challenge to put up with,” Steve amended. _

_ “I’m givin’ you a different dare,” Bucky said, but Steve shook his head.  _

_ “Too late for that,” Steve replied, and closed the distance between them. It was meant to be a chaste kiss, a quick press of the lips, but as soon as Steve tried to pull back Bucky grabbed the back of his head and brought their lips together again. Much less chaste this time. _

Natasha and Angie stumbled away first, giggling with their arms around each other, faces very close together. After them the rest of the group slowly filtered out, in pairs or small groups. Eventually it was just Riley, Sam, Peggy, Steve, Clint and his roommates. Steve looked over at how Sam and Riley were huddled in the corner, talking in low voices, he signed. 

“I think I’m gonna head back to my dorm, it doesn’t look like Sam will be joining me anytime soon,” he said to Peggy, who he had been talking to along with Clint ever since Nat and Angie left. 

“Let me walk you home then,” Peggy replied, standing up, offering Steve her hand. He smiled and took it.

“I’ll see you guys around, thanks for coming!” Clint called after them. They gave him a wave, and nodded at Sam and Riley before heading out. 

“Thanks for this Peggy, I know you are probably looking forward to going to an empty dorm room a lot less than I am,” Steve said sincerely once they closed the door. 

“Who says my dorm room will be empty?” Peggy quirked her brow. 

“I mean, Nat and Angie looked like they were gonna be pretty busy all night,” Steve blushed. 

“So my room will be empty because I don’t have a roommate?” Peggy pushed. 

“Um, yeah? I guess? I mean unless you have someone coming over, which is fine, I just assumed. I guess I shouldn’t have,” Steve rambled. 

“Christ, Steve, I was kidding. My room will be plenty empty for the foreseeable future,” she told him. 

“Oh, um, good?” Steve said as if it was a question. 

“How were you in any kind of relationship?” Peggy asked under her breath. Steve tensed up, but tried to force himself to relax. It seemed to work as Peggy didn’t say anything directly about it.

“Sorry, I shouldn’t have said that,” she backtracked. Steve sent her a half-smiled. 

“It’s alright, I ask myself the same thing all the time,” he replied. 

“No, don’t do that, I was teasing. Anyone would be lucky to date you. Even I wanted to when we first met,” Peggy told him. 

“I noticed,” Steve smirked.

“Well, I am not known for my subtlety,” Peggy shrugged. 

“I admire that confidence. And honestly, if everything with Bucky hadn’t just happened, I would’ve wanted to date you too,” Steve responded truthfully. Peggy smiled at him. 

“Do you want to talk about him? Bucky, I mean,” Peggy clarified, “I know he was important to you, but that’s about it. I’m here if you do.” 

“I’d rather not,” Steve said shortly, “Sorry, it’s just, he was always right with me for so long. And now, I just am trying to figure out life without him.”

“I’m sure you will Steve, and I’m proud to help as a friend if that’s what you need,” Peggy replied. 

“You are already helping as a friend,” Steve smiled at her, “Well, this is your dorm, right?” He pointed at the building in front of them. She nodded and leaned up to kiss him on the cheek.

“Goodnight, Steve,” she told him.

“Goodnight, Peggy,” he responded back. She squeezed his arm one before going inside. 

The walk back to his dorm was short and brisk, the September air holding only the faintest hint of a chill. He quickly grabbed his shower kit once he was in his room and walked back down the hall to the shared bathroom. He showered methodically, and after he finished he brushed his teeth before heading back to his room. 

Still damp from the shower he changed into his pajamas, lying down on his bed at last. He considered leaving the light on for Sam, figuring he would probably be asleep by the time he got back. He quickly got up and turned on Sam’s desk light before burying himself in the covers. 

_ It was the day after Bucky’s graduation. Steve’s mom had another shift that night, so she let him have Bucky, Dum Dum, Jim, James, and Gabe over. Bucky was of course the first to arrive, multiple hours before anyone else. He helped Steve get ready, and by that he helped him barely clean up and brought the alcohol. _

_ One by one the other’s arrived. Steve greeted them all with a smile, but slowly his heart sunk. These were his closest friends at school, and every single one of them graduated yesterday. As soon as Bucky saw his expression he came up behind him and wrapped him up in his arms, kissing his neck softly.  _

_ “It’ll be okay, let’s just have fun tonight, yeah?” He whispered in Steve ear. Steve nodded, turning around in Bucky’s embrace and pecking him lightly before letting go and closing the door. They walked over to the others hand and hand.  _

_ “Ah, the lovebirds come to join us!” Dum Dum exclaimed. Bucky and Steve ignored them.  _

_ “Okay, so this is Steve’s first time getting drunk with people who aren’t me, so just be prepared, he might be a bit unpredictable,” Bucky warned them. _

_ “Gee, thanks, Buck,” Steve said dryly. Bucky just shrugged.  _

_ “Alright, I got vodka and tequila, who wants what?” Bucky asked as he produced both from his bag. Steve wrinkled his nose. _

_ “Why did you bring tequila? It’s disgusting,” Steve said.  _

_ “I happen to like tequila,” Dum Dum responded.  _

_ “Me too,” James seconded. Steve merely shook his head at them as Bucky poured them both a shot. The rest of them all did a shot of vodka, leveling out the playing field. Then they all mixed their own drinks, settling down in the  _

_ “Alright, everyone, we are playing Monopoly, so prepare yourselves. Every time you pass go you sip your drink. You can get $50 at any time if you are willing to do a dare or take a shot.You can also get out of jail immediately if you take a shot,” Bucky explained while Steve set up the board.  _

_ They had only made it around the board once before someone decided to take advantage of the new rules. _

_ “Aw, hell, I ain’t going to jail,” James said, pouring himself out a shot and downing it. Next to use it was Jim, who was dared to eat a spoonful of mustard. Then Steve landed on the Boardwalk but was 100 short.  _

_ “Give me the glass,” was all he said, Bucky passed it to him as well as the vodka. He poured one out and downed it, picking up his bill afterward. As he began to pour the next one Dum Dum interrupted him.  _

_ “You really don’t want to do a dare that bad?” He asked, eyebrows raised.  _

_ “Well, I was trying to get drunk, but y'all are welcome to dare me if you would rather,” Steve offered. Dum Dum grinned.  _

_ “I would very much rather, I dare you to pick up the bill with your mouth,” he replied. Steve rolled his eyes, but did what was asked, putting his hands behind his back and he used his lips to grab the bill.  _

_ “I’m sure that was very sexy,” Steve deadpanned, and returned the bills to the piles, paying for the Boardwalk, “At least I hope it got you in the mood, cause ya’ll are about to suck it!” _

_ “I think that’s Bucky’s job,” Gabe said, and Dum Dum gave him a high-five. Steve rolled his eyes.  _

_ “Damn right it is,” Bucky replied with a grin. Dum Dum opened his mouth to say something else, but James interrupted him. _

_ “Wait, Steve, did you just put back the bill you had in your mouth?” He asked, pointing at the bill on top which had wet spots on it. Steve nodded, all innocence.  _

_ “That’s gross!” Jim exclaimed, the others joined in. _

_ “I mean, I’ll take it back,” Steve offered sweetly.  _

_ “Just move it to the side, I don’t think anyone else is gonna want to use that,” Gabe said.  _

_ “That wasn’t part of the deal,” Steve replied in a sing-song voice.  _

_ “Oh for the love of Christ,” Bucky muttered, exasperated, picking up the bill himself and moving it away from the board, “There.” _

_ Gabe did the next dare, letting James text anything to anyone on his phone. Jim took another shot, as did Dum Dum and Bucky. James had to do a shot of olive oil, which he swore burned and was worse than any alcohol.  _

_ Four more times around Steve and Jim had taken two more shots, Gabe had only taken one, and the rest had taken three. Dum Dum also had sharpie all over his face, Jim and James had traded outfits, and Gabe was wearing his socks on his hands.  _

_ “Fuck!” Steve exclaimed as he landed on a railroad. Bucky had managed to get all of them early on, and now it cost quite a lot to land on any of them. And right now it was more than Steve had, he signed, already grabbing for the bottle. Bucky grabbed his hand to stop him.  _

_ “I’ll let you stay rent free for a kiss,” he said. The other players all groaned.  _

_ “Is it really free then? Feels more like I’m selling my body,” Steve argued. He didn’t give Bucky a chance to reply though before he turned towards him and captured his lips with his own. The kiss lasted all of two seconds, but before Steve could pull back completely Bucky grabbed his waist to keep him from moving too far. _

_ “You call that a kiss?” Bucky teased. _

_ “What else would you call it?” Steve retorted.  _

_ “Yeah, we know you can do better than that,” Dum Dum called. _

_ “Or maybe we can see who can,” James offered. Steve rolled his eyes.  _

_ “Alright, you asked for it,” he told him all before climbing into Bucky’s lap, straddling his hips. Jim wolf-whistled.  _

_ “Yeah, I did ask for it,” Bucky muttered only for Steve to hear. He rolled his eyes again, cupping Bucky’s face with both hands and angling it so he was looking up at Steve, their noses bumping.  _

_ “Sap,” he replied, in just as low a voice before joining their lips together again. Bucky’s hands came to hold either side of Steve's hips. Steve ignored the catcalls from their friends as he moved his lips against Bucky’s, a motion Bucky was happy to reciprocate. They didn’t deepen it, Bucky was at least sober enough to figure their friends would not be excited to watch a full-blown make-out session in the middle of monopoly.  _

_ “Better?” Steve asked when they pulled back, glancing around at their friends.  _

_ “It was better,” James said with a shrug. Steve just sighed and got off Bucky’s lap finishing his turn. Then Bucky went, landing on the boardwalk. Steve smiled evilly and opened his mouth to say something, but Jim beat him to it. _

_ “I dare you to add a shot to your drink for every 50 dollars you need to take,” He got out. Bucky looked over at Steve, who just shrugged.  _

_ “Sorry,” he said innocently.  _

_ “Why am I dating you again?” Bucky asked, grabbing the bottle and pouring out a shot before just taking it. And repeating the process, before handing Steve over the money.  _

_ “Because you love me,” Steve smiled sweetly.  _

_ “God help me, I do,” Bucky signed. After that turn Bucky had a stroke of bad luck, landing mostly on other peoples properties and having hardly anyone land on his own. The result of this being many shots. Finally he landed on one of Gabe’s properties, and with his head starting to spin, asked Gabe for a dare. _

_ “I dare you to let us dump ice water on your head,” Gabe said. _

_ “Good luck with that.” James commented. Bucky signed, but stood up to get the materials. Steve grabbed his hand before he could.  _

_ “Real brave coming from a guy who’s never done it himself,” Steve growled. Bucky’s eyebrows shot up at Steve’s words.  _

_ “Yeah, cause I don’t want to do it,” Gabe replied easily.  _

_ “I doubt Bucky wants to either,” Steve snapped back.  _

_ “That’s kinda the point of a dare, you know,” Dum Dum said, which turned Steve’s glare to him. _

_ “You want to do it too?” Steve’s words were eerily calm, fists clenched like he was ready for a fight.  _

_ “Are you okay, Steve?” Jim asked, concerned.  _

_ “Just peachy,” Steve replied, sounding anything but, “Here.” Steve handed Bucky the extra money he needed.  _

_ “I gotta do anything for this?” Bucky asked carefully. Steve tapped his cheek twice, but instead of complying Bucky cupped his chin and kissed him softly.  _

_ “I’m just gonna say, this feels like cheating,” Gabe sounded exasperated.  _

_ “You’re all welcome to kiss each other for money if you want,” Steve shrugged. James was the one who rolled next, landing on one of Steve’s properties.  _

_ “How about it?” He asked with a grin. Bucky narrowed his eyes, wrapping an arm around Steve. Steve pretended to contemplate before shaking his head and holding out his hand for the money. James grumbled, but fished out the cash. Bucky smiled and kissed Steve on the forehead.  _

_ The displays of affection only increased the longer the game went on. The next time Steve asked for a dare, Bucky had him sit on his lap. From that angle Bucky was able to pepper kisses along his shoulders and neck, which Steve leaned into.  _

_ Steve began glaring at anyone who dared to say anything bad about Bucky, or at anyone who dared him to do something which may hurt him in any way. It shouldn’t look that menacing as it did, since he was practically curled up against the older’s chest. It was for this reason that the two of them ended up alone on the board.  _

_ “God, I thought Barnes was a touchy drunk normally, but I never thought I would have to see it like this,” Jim complained as Bucky and Steve got up after removing the last person from the game that was not them, Gabe, and moved into the seat in the corner.  _

_ “No shit,” James replied.  _

_ “Hey, at least I called being Steve an aggressive drunk,” Dum Dum chimed in.  _

_ “He’s like having a chihuahua as a guard dog,” Gabe agreed. Jim began searching for the remote, trying to figure out the differences in the remotes and which of the tv boxes to turn on.  _

_ “Hey Steve, how do you work the tv?” Jim called out to them. Steve grumbled, but left Bucky’s lap and quickly set up the tv so it was showing the Netflix homepage.  _

_ “Have fun,” he stated, before crawling back on top of Bucky. The group just sighed, but began flipping through the options, eventually settling on a spy movie that came out a few years ago. Steve and Bucky were too distracted to notice the others snapping a few photos of them, something which would have embarrassed them once they sobered up, if they were ever going to be embarrassed about being wrapped up in each other.  _

_ However, that was something neither of them felt shame about.  _

Steve rolled over so he was facing the wall. He had been scrolling through his phone, looking for a distraction but coming up empty. Unable to stop himself, he pulled up Bucky’s contact. The picture was of Bucky smiling wildly as Steve kissed him on the cheek. It was a simple picture, just the two of them sitting on the couch in his mom’s apartment, but that didn’t stop a sad smile from forming on his face. 

He purposely didn’t read their last conversation, the last thing sent still being him saying he loved Bucky. It was from the day of their breakup, and Steve didn’t want to think about that right now. He had a much stupider plan in mind. 

To Bucky:

I miss you.

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, this was kinda a long one (with so many flashbacks I'm sorry). Also, next week is gonna be a two upload week, so be on the lookout for that! As always I love to hear your thoughts or any feedback you may have, even if it is just to feel at me for everything I'm putting these characters though! I'll be back in a few days....


	5. Queer Cinema Club

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In celebration of today, I'm uploading! (And I'm excited so this chapter is kinda happy, like more happy than the rest of this has been so far???? Crazy right?)
> 
> Also, the trigger warnings are in the end note

Steve woke up at his usual six am to head to the gym. He was sure Sam would complain about that if he knew. Sam was a deep sleeper, and Steve had enough practice that he knew how to be quiet. He headed out with his workout bag, filled with his clothes for the day, a water bottle, his inhaler, and a toothbrush.

He arrived just as the gym was opening, immediately heading to the bathroom to use it and brush his teeth. He then immediately put his stuff in a locker and headed to the treadmill, bringing only his water bottle and inhaler. He ran as fast as he could until he could feel his lungs tensing, his vision beginning to blur at the edges. He kept pushing, breathing began to be painful, vision almost completely unfocused. Only when he was afraid he might pass out did he stop, not wanting anyone to find him there. 

He quickly grabbed his inhaler, used it, and let his body calm down for a few minutes before moving on to the weights. He did the same routine as he did on the treadmill, pushing himself so hard it hurts and then some. Only stopping when he really had to stop, using his inhaler again. 

He knew he had started building up muscle unlike he ever had before. He had only just started to notice a bit of the difference. He had never gone to the gym particularly often, mostly because his mom would have yelled at him knowing how much he would do. He knew it wasn’t healthy, but he didn’t care. It helped keep his mind off anything, all he was thinking about was his body and what it was physically experiencing. 

Natasha and Sam would probably be concerned if they saw how much he was doing, and how hard. Whenever they went with him he stayed within a range that he wouldn’t be close to passing out. He had only done it once, and completely scared the other two. They told him never to do it again, so he never did it in their presence. 

Now though, he was free to make his body feel, even if what it was feeling was pain. 

He showered before he left, and got ready as much as he normally did, which was really just putting on clothes and deodorant, running some product through his hair, and spiriting himself with cologne. When he got back to his dorm room Sam was still asleep. That was unsurprising, so Steve just filled up his backpack with work and headed out to the library.

He stopped on the way to get a protein smoothie which would be his breakfast. He sat down in the nearly empty library, taking out some homework to do. He stayed there until his first class, then just going through the normal routine of his Thursdays. He finally saw Sam again when Sam walked into the dorm at the end of the day. 

“You ready for tonight?” Sam asked when he saw Steve lying on his bed. 

“I’m excited,” Steve replied honestly. 

“I’m about to go out and grab dinner with Riley before the meeting, do you want to come?” Sam offered. Steve shook his head. 

“I already promised Natasha, Peggy and Angie I would eat with them at six,” Steve answered. 

“Okay, Imma head out now then,” Sam said as he dropped his bag and headed back towards the door. 

“Have fun,” Steve called after him, resisting the urge to wink. Steve stayed in his dorm until he went down to the dinning hall to meet up with the other three. He was the first one there, so he opted to sit down and wait for them before getting food. 

They all came together only a few minutes later, taking among each other. Steve saw them and waved when he caught Natasha’s eye. She motioned for him to come and join them. He quickly headed over.

“Where’s Sam?” Angie asked.

“He is having dinner with Riley,” Steve replied simply, not missing Natasha’s smirk. 

“They’re too good for us, huh,” Natasha said. Angie giggled, sharing a knowing smile with Natasha and Peggy elbowed her lightly. 

“Just because they haven’t figured it out yet doesn’t mean that we have to make fun of them,” Peggy scolded lightly. Angie just shrugged.

“It’s fun though,” she responded. Peggy just sighed. By the time they all got their food and had eaten it, they still had a few minutes before the club started at seven. They all settled in a few rows from the front, though they were some of the first people there. 

The two people who were sitting at the front next to the board waved at them when they came in. Steve waved back, though he didn’t recognize either of them.

“Hi guys, are you here for queer cinema club?” One of them asked. 

“Yeah,” Natasha replied for them. 

“I’m sorry, we missed the first meeting,” Steve explained. Both of the people waved their hands in dismissal. 

“We are not the type of club that is strict about attendance, it is very come and go. We are the co-presidents and founders of this club, my name is Carol,” Carol said. 

“I’m Maria,” Maria added, “and welcome to queer cinema club!” They all introduced themselves in turn quickly. 

“How long has it been running?” Peggy asked. 

“Since our sophomore year, so three years,” Maria answered. It was during that sentence that Sam and Riley walked in. 

“Ah, here they come!” Carol exclaimed. They both shook their heads. 

“I see you have met our friends,” Riley motioned to the three of them sitting down. 

“But you didn’t come with your friends,” Natasha insinuated. 

“You are one to talk,” Sam retorted, motioning between her and Angie. Natasha nodded. 

“We had a good time,” Natasha agreed. 

“You’re not denying it?” Riley asked, a bit surprised. Angie snorted.

“Why would we, you all saw us leave together. It’s not like I am ashamed of it,” Angie answered nonchalantly, “Plus, Natasha’s hot.”

“Exactly,” Natasha affirmed.

“So are you two together, now, or what?” Sam pressed. The two of them giggled, shaking their heads. 

“Nah, that was just a casual thing,” Angie replied easily. Natasha made a noise of agreement. Over the course of the conversation other members started joining. There weren’t a massive amount of people, but Steve had expected that. They ran through some intro games before starting the movie. Steve noted how close the two presidents were sitting in the front row. He assumed they were a couple, something confirmed by Carol putting her arm around Maria and kissing her briefly. 

After the movie was over they had a brief discussion of the film, before Maria invited them over to their apartment to play some games. So that is how Steve found himself sitting on the floor playing card games with a very friendly cat climbing all over him at 1am on Thursday night. 

“So how long have you two been together?” Natasha asked Maria and Carol. 

“Well, we met freshman year, but it took until last year for me to get my shit together to ask her out,” Carol replied.

“So you have only been together for a year?” Angie questioned, sounding slightly shocked. 

“It’s what? September?” Carol asked, turning to Maria.

“Nope, hun, first week of October already,” Maria replied. Carol whistled. 

“Yeah, then, a year and a month or so,” Carol turned back to Angie. 

“You guys act like you have been together a lot longer,” Riley sounded impressed. Maria chuckled. 

“I guess that’s what happens when you are close friends first,” Carol shrugged it off. 

“And when you have an apartment and a cat together,” Maria amended, “We were both planning on staying in the city over the summer and decided to just try it out. It worked a lot better than we were hoping.” 

“And Alpine is mine, brought her from home now that we are able to have a pet in the apartment,” Carol added, “It just feels right. I know I would miss coming home to her if I didn’t.” Sam and Angie awed. 

Steve only stayed for another thirty minutes after that, excusing himself because he always got up early, something Sam could confirm. Steve did the same routine the next morning, so he didn’t see Sam again until when he got back to their dorm room that night. Sam was sitting at his desk with his back straight, an unusual sight for a Friday night.

“You okay, Sam?” Steve asked as he walked in. Sam jumped, clearly not hearing him come in. 

“Do you think Riley is into me?” Sam blurted out. Steve blinked at him in response, in shock. 

“Uhhhh,” he said intelligently, “Probably?”

“You really think so? Like he’s not straight?” Sam pushed. 

“He’s in queer cinema club with you, so I am guessing he is not straight,” Steve still sounded unsure, “Where is this coming from?” Then his eyes widened with understanding.

“Natasha?” He asked. Sam only nodded. 

“If Natasha says he’s into you, he’s into you,” Steve says simply. 

“So you think I should go for it?” Sam asked. Before Steve could answer there was a knock at their door. Curious, Steve went over and opened it. Natasha stood with a phone in her hand and fury in her eyes. She stormed past him and made a beeline for Sam. In the small space it took her two steps. 

“Samuel Wilson, you will send that text right now or so help me,” she demanded. 

“What text?” Steve asked hesitantly. 

“The text he has been working up the nerve to send for the past hour,” Natasha replied without looking back at Steve, “Just send it, you are Riley are close enough that even if he doesn’t feel the same, which he does, you will make it through it.”

“I agree with Nat, just go for it, you don’t want to send up wondering what if,” Steve encouraged. 

“Are you sure?” Sam asked again and Nat just groaned. 

“Send it already!” Natasha exclaimed. Sam hesitated for a few moments and no one else said a word. He tapped his screen once. 

“Okay I sent it,” he closed his eyes immediately, turning his phone off and throwing it on his bed. Natasha grinned. Sam put his face in his hands. 

“I hate you, Nat,” Sam muttered, muffled by his positioning. 

“You won’t soon,” Natasha promised. 

“You ever regret listening to her?” Sam questioned Steve. 

“I’ve never listened to her,” Steve answered. 

“Then how the hell do you know she’s so good at this?” Sam demanded. Steve blushed.

“I’ve seen her work before,” he replied after a moment. Natasha smirked. 

“He sure has,” she said. 

“I feel like I’m missing something,” Sam looked between the two. 

“I’m the one who gave Bucky the talking down that convinced him to make the first move,” Natasha reported simply. 

“Yeah, and that worked out so well for you,” Sam replied sarcastically. Steve flinched and Sam grimaced. 

“Shit, sorry, man,” Sam apologized. Steve waved his hand in dismissal.

“Well, she was right. And she has been about many people at our school,” Steve continued to defend her. Then Sam’s phone buzzed. All three of them turned their head to look at it, but Sam did not make any more to retrieve it. 

“Well?” Natasha demanded impatiently. Sam looked over it, and grabbed it quickly before either of the other two could get it. He looked at it and his face fell.

“What is it?” Natasha looked concerned. 

“He says that I am also his best friend here,” Sam sounded defeated. 

“And?” Natasha pressured. 

“Well, that makes it pretty clear, doesn’t it?” Sam laughed, but there was no humor in it, “Sorry if I don’t want to read the full rejection.”

“Just read it,” Natasha commanded. Sam sighed, but obliged. Then his face lit up and he gave out a ‘woop!’, pumping his fist in the air. 

“And there it is,” Natasha stated, “You’re welcome.” Sam was furiously typing on his phone, not looking at either of the other people in the room. They waited in silence until Sam talked again. 

“We are going out Saturday night,” Sam announced triumphantly. 

“My work here is done,” Natasha said, and with that she left. Sam was practically jumping up and down. 

“I’m happy for you,” Steve told him sincerely. 

“God, I mean I’m excited, but I am also realizing that I have no idea what to do,” Sam replied. He had started pacing. There was not really enough room to even pace, but he was trying his hardest. 

“Well, you are gonna meet him, tell him how good he looks, talk to him like you normally do. Maybe hold his hand as you are walking, kiss him before you say goodnight if he wants you to, and then come back here and tell me how it went,” Steve walked him through it.

“I haven’t kissed someone in two years, what if I am terrible at it?” Sam started to sound panicked.

“I’m sure Riley will tell you,” Steve joked. Sam glared at him.

“Not cool dude,” he shot back. 

“Sorry,” Steve blushed, “Honestly, I don’t think he will care. The way he looks at you, he will be happy if you just give him a sloppy peck, just cause it’s from you.” That made Sam blush. 

“Yeah, I hope you are right,” Sam concedes. 

“Do I need to call Natasha to reaffirm that statement?” Steve raised his eyebrow. Sam chuckled and shook his head.

“I think I have had enough of Natasha’s reaffirmations for tonight,” Sam said. 

“I understand that,” Steve agreed, turning back towards his side of the room. Sam started humming behind him.

All day Saturday Sam was practically buzzing with energy. Natasha had also come over in perpetration for the date, helping him pick out the perfect outfit. Natasha was doing her best to calm him down while Steve smiled watching. 

“Go get your man!” Natasha exclaimed and she forced him out the door, a string of insults following that comment from Sam. Steve chuckled as the door closed. Natasha swung around to face him. 

“Got any fun plans tonight?” She asked, hopping up on his bed.

“Hearing about Sam’s date,” Steve answered, “You?” 

“Same,” her eyes glistened. There was a bit of a pause. 

“So how have you been? Anything actually happening with Angie?” Steve questioned, but Natasha just shook her head.

“Nah, we were telling the truth. We were drunk, I offered her to stay over in my room. We made out a bunch before we fell asleep, too tired to really do anything. In the morning we hooked up, but we both kinda knew it wasn’t anything serious. I mean, it was fun, but we are better as friends,” Natasha explained. 

“You guys are always flirting though,” Steve pointed out.

“Yeah, but that is just play flirting, doesn’t really mean much. She has her eyes on someone else, and I am fine with casual flings,” Natasha brushed off. Steve’s eyebrows shot up. 

“She likes someone else? Why haven’t you told her to go for it?” Steve pressed, knowing how Natasha generally operated. Riley and Sam were a prime example. 

“Yes, but I keep my promises so I won’t tell. And it’s complicated, something I understand quite well. So I won’t pressure her,” Natasha said simply, “What about you?”

“What about me?” Steve countered. Natasha rolled her eyes. 

“Anything exciting happening?” 

“I have a midterm next week,” Steve replied easily. Natasha groaned.

“That sucks, but it’s not exactly exciting,” Natasha said. Steve sighed. 

“I don’t know, nothing super exciting is happening,” Steve told her. 

“I’m guessing that means that Bucky has not replied to you?” Natasha asked gently. 

“No, he has not,” Steve confirmed. 

“I’m sorry, Steve,” she sounded genuinely disappointed. 

“I mean it’s not like I expected him to reply, just kinda hoped, but it’s been like two weeks, I don’t think it’s coming. But I think it was good, I mean that night I was a complete mess, but I think I needed to be,” Steve responded. Natasha nodded. 

“I’m glad. You seem to be doing better,” Natasha said. Steve paused for a moment, thinking about how he had been this week compared to the beginning of the school year. He shrugged. 

“Yeah, I think I am.”

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> tw: the first few paragraphs describe Steve using exercise as a form of self harm by pushing himself to an unhealthy degree and triggering asthma attacks. If there is anything else I should add please let me know!
> 
> Next chapter is gonna be really important and im super excited to post it, it also might be long again....


	6. Halloween

When Bucky had awoken to a text from Steve, his first instinct had been to reply saying the exact thing Steve said to him, but he held himself back. There was a reason he hadn’t texted Steve before, and he was keeping to that reason. Every single day since then he had thought about it. Thought out how he could excuse the time he had taken to reply. 

He got to his lowest point yet around mid October. He had been drinking, and he typed out a response. He would have sent it if his phone hadn’t died. He had managed to get a charger, but had thankfully he passed out before it started up again. In the morning he was faced with panic, thinking he had actually sent it, relieved when he hadn’t. 

The weeks passed in a sort of haze, he noticed he wasn’t paying much attention in his classes, but luckily he was still getting by. All the weekends blurred together, he remembered most of what happened, but the few blackouts didn’t bother him. Nothing seemed to bother him anymore. 

His roommate was adamant that he dress up for halloween, so he decided to go low effort with a vampire. He didn’t have much with him out in LA and he didn’t want to buy a costume, so he was just working with what he had. Most of his clothes were black, so really all he had to do was slick back his hair and put in fangs with some blood on his chin for added effect. 

Halfway through a game of beer pong he made the mistake of opening his photo app to show someone a picture he had taken of the campus the other day. As soon as he did he saw the memories from a year ago, which were pictures of him and Steve dressed up as Aragon and Legolas, a favorite costume of the two. 

He had enough alcohol in his system that he couldn’t really help what happened next. He mumbled his apologies to his partner before stumbling out of the house. He walked down the street so the noise of the party wouldn’t disturb him, and before he could change his mind he called Steve. 

As the line began to ring Bucky closed his eyes, leaning against a streetlight. The longer it rang the more regret he felt pooling in his stomach, he was tempted to just abandon the whole idea, deal with the fallout later, but then he heard a familiar voice in his ear. 

“Buck?” Bucky felt a tear start to slip down his face. He sounded so concerned, so hurt. It was a voice that Bucky had been longing to hear for so many weeks. He had teetered on the edge of this so many times, and now that it was finally happening he couldn’t keep the emotion from his voice. 

“Hey, Stevie,” he said, his voice shaking. He heard a loud exhale from the other side of the line.

“Give me a second,” Steve’s voice sounded muffled, that sentence clearly wasn’t meant for him. 

“Just let me get outside, it’s loud in here,” Steve told him. Bucky cursed silently. It was halloween, of course Steve would be out with his friends. He shouldn’t have called. He was once again tempted to hang up, the thought ricocheting around his head until the background noise quieted. 

“Sorry about that,” it was such a Steve thing to apologize for something so little that wasn’t his fault.

“God, no, Steve. You don’t have to apologize for anything,” Bucky knew that Steve knew what he was really talking about. He was greeted with silence on the other end.

“Why did you call?” Steve asked softly, there was no accusation there. Bucky didn’t deserve that. Bucky had to take a stabling breath before he continued. 

“I missed your voice,” Bucky said truthfully. Steve let out a shaky laugh. 

“I missed you too, Buck,” Bucky could hear the tears in Steve’s voice, which made his own tears fall more rapidly. 

“How’ve you been?” Bucky asked tentatively. 

“I’ve been better,” Steve replied, “But I’ve also been worse.” Bucky closed his eyes again. 

“Me too.” There was another silence. Bucky couldn’t stand it, they had never had these awkward silences. 

“I heard about your attack, please tell me you are at least taking care of yourself,” Bucky heard the begging tone in his voice, but he couldn’t do anything about that now. Steve chuckled, but there was no real humor in it.

“I have my inhaler with me right now,” Steve assured him, but it wasn’t an answer. Which meant the answer was no. Bucky sighed as he squeezed his eyes tight before opening them again.

“God, Steve,” he started, but Steve interrupted him. 

“Buck…” Bucky ignored him, unable to stop his mouth now.

“I fucked up. God, I fucked up so bad, Stevie,” Bucky could hear Steve’s shaky exhale but he continued, “I miss you every second, I can’t stop thinking about you or staring at your text. It seems like everything reminds me of you, reminds me that I still love you. I love you so goddamn much it hurts, Steve. I know this is all my fault, and I don’t expect forgiveness or any of that shit. I just couldn’t stand not talking to you.”

“I’ve missed talking to you too,” Steve added, but Bucky kept going.

“And I need you to take care of yourself, because I don’t know what I would do without you, Stevie, and it is killing me that I can’t help.” 

“Bucky…” Bucky couldn’t stop, the words were just pouring out of him now. He didn’t know where all of the courage was coming from, but he couldn’t stop if he tried. He needed Steve to know, to understand that he was so important. He needed to take care of himself because the world would be a worse place without him in it. 

“No, Steve, I would give anything to undo what I did to you, I love you so much, and I know I’ll never stop. I know I don’t deserve a second chance, I don’t deserve you, but I just miss you so much and I would kill myself if I didn’t tell you. Right now I have literally nothing to lose. So before I lose my courage, I just had to ask, could you…?” Bucky got choked up and couldn’t finish the question, but from the sharp intake of breath he knew that Steve understood. He felt more exposed than he had ever felt waiting for Steve’s response, not sure he was able to hear Steve say he hated him, but expecting nothing different. 

Bucky could hear the hesitance in the silence. He didn’t know what he expected, but he knew what he hoped. Steve would yell at him, tell him how much of a jerk he was, but that he never stopped loving him either. That he was willing to try and move forward. He knew it was far-fetched, but he couldn’t help the swell of hope in his chest. 

There were a few calculated breaths from the other side before Steve replied. 

—————————

The campus was buzzing with anticipation as halloween approached. Clint had started planning a halloween party, which he made very clear that costumes were required. Maria and Carol scheduled an off-campus excursion to go see  _ Rocky Horror _ , Natasha’s movie nights had turned into horror movie nights. Honestly this is the most Steve had ever prepared for halloween. 

“Do you have a costume yet?” Natasha asked him a week before halloween. 

“Is it bad if I say no?” He responded. 

“Yes,” Natasha said at the same time Peggy said, “No, we can help then.”

“Ooooo, yes, Steve you should let us pick out your costume,” Angie announced.

“I don’t know if I would trust them, they have been suggesting couples costumes non-stop,” Sam told him, “Including puzzle pieces, two peas in a pod, a peanut butter and jelly sandwich, I could go on.” 

“If you are a couple on halloween you have the perfect excuse to coordinate costumes, you should take advantage of that,” Peggy commented. Steve turned to her.

“Do you want to coordinate costumes?” Steve asked her. She raised her eyebrows.

“Are you offering?” She questioned. Steve blushed. 

“If you want, I was actually going to suggest a big group costume,” Steve answered, motioning among the four of them that are single. 

“I mean, I already have the costume all planned out to be the assassin from the new _ Familiar Stranger _ movie, so you are welcome to jump aboard with some other characters,” Natasha said. 

“I was gonna be a zombie, cause I have been practicing my stage makeup, but I could just go as one of her victims. The tattered clothes I have will work for that too,” Angie added. 

“I guess that means we are being the agent and his boss,” Peggy announced, turning to Steve, “I have plenty of suits, so I guess you are the captain.” Steve groaned a bit.

“Does that mean I have to wear that stupid tight outfit?” He asked, Peggy smirked.

“Well, you’ve got the body for it now,” she motioned as the muscles that had begun to show through his clothes. He blushed but nodded. 

“Alright, fine, let’s do it,” Steve conceded. The other three cheered. 

It took Steve a while to find all of the various items needed for his costume. He went out shopping with Peggy and Natasha to try and find everything, with moderate success. The suit was supposed to be very dark navy blue, and almost skin tight. It looked good on the actor in the film, but everything that Steve tried on felt ridiculous. 

“It doesn’t look that bad,” Peggy encouraged. Steve just groaned. 

“No, she’s right,” Natasha agreed. They had managed to get him into the tightest pair of navy blue joggers, and a tight long-sleeved shirt of the same color, both of which he already owned. So what he was trying on now were various vests that at least somewhat matched the one from the movie, and a pair of combat boots that matched the movie. 

“Why did I let you talk me into doing this?” He asked no one in particular. 

“Everyone will know what you are going for, especially with all of us around you,” Natasha responded. 

“Fine, let’s just go with this before I change my mind,” Steve gave in, walking over the the counter to pay. Natasha and Peggy smiled as they walked out of the store. 

“How would you both feel about grabbing some lunch while we are out?” Peggy asked. 

“Sounds good,” Steve said with a shrug. 

“It does, but unfortunately I told Clint I would meet him at the gym,” Natasha replied. They both looked at Natasha with confusion. 

“With Clint?” Peggy was the first to ask the obvious question. Natasha shrugged. 

“He’s a nice guy. We met a few years back, have gotten along well ever since,” Natasha acted as if this wasn’t news whatsoever. Peggy’s eyebrows shot up.

“A few years back?” She pushed. Natasha sighed. 

“We’ve been going to the same gym for a few years. Spared a few times,” Natasha said. Peggy looked like she wanted to ask more questions, but Steve beat her to it this time. 

“Should we head back to campus then?” He asked her. Natasha shook her head.

“The gym we go to isn’t the on-campus one,” Natasha answered, “I’ll see you guys later, but don’t go back to campus on my account, go eat lunch. I heard there is a really good new cheap fondue place just down the street.” Natasha pointed in the direction, “I can walk you there if you want.” Steve shrugged in response while Peggy nodded. 

The place looked pretty unassuming from the outside, but the inside was large for a cheap restaurant. They seemed to know their demographic being so close to a college campus, because there were plenty of options that were pricier, but there was also a few cheaper options. The one that caught his eye was basically just a pot of one kind of change, and a variety of different things to dip in it. They said it was perfect for two. 

“What do you think, Steve?” Peggy asked, causing him to look up from the menu. 

“You feel like splitting something?” Steve answered. Peggy laughed softly.

“I think that’s the point of a fondue place,” she replied. Steve couldn’t help both the smile and the blush that crept across his face. 

“I’ve never actually been to one,” Steve admitted. Peggy smiled at him.

“Why don’t I order then? I promise it will be both cheap and good,” Peggy told him. Steve nodded, also smiling. 

“Sounds like a plan,” Steve responded. Steve didn’t exactly understand what she ordered when the waiter came over, but Steve wasn’t complaining. The waiter took their menus and walked off. There was a bit of an awkward pause before Peggy started the conversation. 

“So, you’ve known Natasha since high school?” Steve nodded, “Did you ever hear her talk about Clint?” Steve laughed a bit. 

“You are still hung up on that?” He teased lightly. She rolled her eyes. 

“I just found out about that, I don’t think that counts as ‘hung up on’,” Peggy retorted. 

“No, to answer your question,” Steve said. Peggy hummed. 

“I haven’t heard anything about her from Clint either during ultimate practice,” Peggy added, “I wonder if something is going on?” 

“Maybe that is why she didn’t want the thing with Angie to be anything more,” Steve made the conclusion right there. Peggy nodded. 

“That would make sense, those two really do get along well. For all her talk about Sam and Riley, I always thought it was strange that she never went for it with Angie,” Peggy agreed. 

“I guess that puts us on a mission for the halloween party,” Steve suggested. 

“Find out what is going on?” Peggy confirmed. 

“Try to find out, try being the key word. Generally when Natasha has a secret you are not finding it out unless she wants you too,” Steve warned her. 

“Well, luckily I’ve got someone who knows her on my side,” Peggy said softly. Steve cleared his throat a bit awkwardly. 

“Yeah, I mean, I don’t know her that well,” Steve stumbled through the sentence. 

“You know her better than me,” Peggy shrugged, “Speaking of knowing people, I have known you for just over two months now, and I still feel like I barely know you.” Steve chuckled a bit awkwardly. 

“That’s because there’s not much to know,” Steve replied. 

“I severely doubt that,” Peggy said so sincerely Steve had to look down at the table for a second, before he cleared his throat and looked up again. 

“What do you want to know?” He asked her, and she smiled. 

That is how Peggy learned about his childhood, how his dad was out of the picture when he was so young he didn’t remember him. How his mom was basically his whole world throughout his youth. He told her all about the apartment he had been in his whole life, the way he started using the subway alone in middle school. 

When the fondue came he learned that she was also an only child, that the only memories she had of the states were from when she was so little they have a dreamlike quality to them. She hadn’t ever thought about coming back to the states until she saw all the problems, and realized how much good she could do on the courts here. And since she was born in the US she would actually be able to do it. That is when she decided to come over. 

Steve hadn’t even noticed how long they had been sitting there until he looked around the restaurant and noticed that all of the other customers that were there when they sat down had left. He checked his phone and realized they had been sitting there for two and a half hours. He looked up at her, shocked. 

“It’s almost 3:30,” he told her. Her eyebrows raised in shock. 

“I hope you didn’t have anywhere to be,” she responded. 

“No, no I didn’t,” Steve said softly. Her own face softened at that. They stayed quiet for a few moments after that, Steve really only had one thing on his mind. 

“This felt like a date,” Steve blurted out, Peggy tensed up. 

“Steve, we don’t have to…” Peggy started but Steve cut her off. 

“Would you want this to be a date?” Steve asked hesitantly. Peggy didn’t answer right away, trying to read his face. 

“Yes, but only if you do,” she finally decided on. Steve nodded.

“Then I do,” Steve replied, and her face lit up in a smile. 

“Then can I interest you in a second date, Steve Rogers?” Peggy asked. 

“You can, Peggy Carter,” Steve answered, also smiling widely. 

Steve took her hand when they left the restaurant. It was smaller than Bucky’s had been, and less calloused, but just as warm. She squeezed his hand lightly as he did it, reassuring him that she wanted this too, and it caused him to smile at her. He walked her back to her dorm, kissing her on the cheek once they reached her room. 

“You call that a kiss?” She cocked her eyebrows at him, but before he could reply she pulled him into her and kissed him fully on the mouth. He couldn’t stop the noise of surprised which left his lips, but he returned the kiss easily out of habit. It only lasted a few seconds before she pulled away.

“See you around, Rogers,” She said before going into her room and closing the door. As he walked back to his own dorm all he could think about was that kiss. It was strange, enjoyable, but different. He hadn’t kissed anyone but Bucky, so he assumed that must be it. He tried to stop dwelling on the difference, not wanting to compare the two for obvious reasons, but it kept worming his way back into his mind. 

To shake that thought he started watching the most recent horror show that came out on Netflix. Generally he was not a big fan of horror, but it was definitely an effective way of captivating his entire attention. That is how Sam found him when he came in. 

“Man, I didn’t take you for a horror guy to that extent,” Sam sounded impressed as he walked in on a huge jump scare and Steve barely flinched. Really, Steve’s heart rate had risen considerably and his fists were clenched, but he just shrugged at Sam. 

“How did the costume selection go?” Sam asked, and Steve couldn’t help the blush that covered his face. 

“That good, huh,” Sam nodded. Steve shook his head. 

“I can’t believe I am going to be wearing it in front of people,” Steve told him honestly. Sam just laughed.

“That’s on you man, you are the one who gave in to them,” Sam did not sound even a little bit sorry for him. 

“What are you and Riley going as, anyways?” Steve asked. 

“Why does everyone assume that we are dressing up as a couple?” Sam grumbled. 

“You guys always seem to have a plan whenever we ask about it,” Steve answered, “Also, you two are being all secretive, so it seems like you are in it together.”

“I feel like we are gonna let everyone down then, we don’t have a big plan, we were pretty much just gonna dress up like cowboys,” Sam said. 

“I mean, you are gonna be gay cowboys, so that’s pretty good,” Steve commented. 

“Yeah, tell that to Riley, he is trying to talk me into getting prosthetics and be zombie cowboys because people are raising their expectation,” Sam told him. Steve snorted. 

“Good luck with that,” Steve replied. 

“Any help?” Sam asked. Steve chuckled.

“You are the one dating him, if you can’t get through to him what makes you think I will?” Steve countered. 

“You’re not dating him,” Sam retorted. 

“Listen, I will do you a solid and let you take a picture of my costume so that he will let up, but only if you promise to never send it to anyone else,” Steve gave in. Relief was clear on his face. Steve reluctantly put on his costume, and he noticed Sam struggling to keep the grin off his face. Steve sighed.

“Just let it out, I know it is ridiculous,” Steve told him, and Sam immediately burst out laughing. 

“Thanks, man,” Steve grimaced. 

“You honestly don’t look that bad, just you look so defeated when you put it on,” Sam was still laughing. Steve rolled his eyes. 

“You gonna give me that hero grin?” Sam teased as he raised his camera. Even though he knew Sam was joking, he embraced it, giving the full movie theater pose. Sam took the picture quickly before he burst out laughing again. 

“Yeah, he is definitely not going to feel the need to impress anyone after that, you have us all blown away,” Sam’s voice was dripping with sarcasm. He was furiously texting on his phone Steve reconsidered his choice. After a few moments Sam cheered. 

“Ha, he has agreed to just stay as cowboys! Thank you for that,” Sam clapped him on the shoulder. 

“Glad I could help,” Steve said through gritted teeth while Sam continued to chuckle at him. 

————————

Halloween came quickly, the campus preparing a few events in celebration. They all met once they got dressed, stopping by the booths quickly before heading over to Clint’s. Once he met up with Peggy she gave him the mask/helmet that completed his outfit. He smiled at her, a bit overwhelmed that she had taken the time to get it, even if it must have been fairly cheap. Steve still felt completely ridiculous, but a bit less so, however he still stayed by those he had dressed up, as they made it obvious what was going on. 

Angie also definitely knew about him and Peggy, Natasha did too going by the looks she was giving the two of them. He figured this was not something that was going to be all that secretive, so when Peggy came over to him and asked him to dance, he took her hand and let her lead him to the dance floor. 

Natasha came back over a little while later extending a cup to him. He gave her a questioning look, but when she nodded he took the cup and tentatively sipped it. It was just plain lemonade, he gave her a smile. 

“So when did that happen?” She motioned between the two of them. Peggy rolled her eyes.

“Like you don’t know,” she replied. Natasha chuckled a bit. 

“The fondue was that good, huh,” Natasha said, eyebrows wiggling. Steve groaned. 

“I could say a cheesy line about the conversation being better, but I won’t,” Peggy threw back at her. Steve groaned again.

“You knew what you were doing there,” he told her.

“Of course I did,” Peggy replied with a smile. 

“You guys are gonna be great,” Natasha said with a thumbs up, Steve rolled his eyes and took Peggy’s hand, walking them away from Natasha and sitting down on the couch. 

“Are you okay with people knowing?” Peggy asked him. Steve chuckled. 

“What, do you think I’m embarrassed of you?” Steve teased. 

“No, I just know this is really new. I told Angie cause she’s my roommate, but that’s it. I wanted to make sure we were on the same page,” Peggy told him seriously. 

“Yes, I’m okay with people knowing,” Steve replied, “Not that we would have much of a choice anyways.” Steve pointed over to Sam and Riley who were looking between them, smiling, and nodding. 

“I mean, that whole move was pretty obvious,” Peggy waved at them, “But I bet I can make it even more obvious.” Then Peggy was kissing him. His hand came up to cup her face gently for the few seconds it lasted before pulling away. Sam and Riley were cheering in one corner, Natasha, Clint, and Angie in the other, which caused the whole party to erupt into cheers, realizing this must be some kind of big moment. Steve blushed, feeling like he was vibrating. It took a couple moments before he realized it was actually his phone ringing. 

When he took it out of his pocket he almost dropped it. It was Bucky, his contact picture taking up the entire screen. Given that it was him kissing Bucky, it was probably not the best thing for Peggy to see right now. She looked at him questioningly, but he just shrugged, moving away from her and answering the phone. 

“Buck?” He asked into the phone. The rest of the party had gone back to normal, but his friends were still looking at him.

“Hey, Stevie,” he heard from the other side of the line. He closed his eyes, Bucky’s voice being even more calming than he remembered. He thought once that he could listen to that voice forever, and now he remembered why. He tried to rebalance himself. When he opened them again Natasha was in front of him looking concerned. Steve held the phone to his chest.

“Give me a second,” he told Natasha before starting to walk out the door, putting the phone back to his ear.

“Just let me get outside, it’s loud in here,” Steve explained to Bucky, who stayed quiet until he got confirmation from Steve that he was outside, just a simple:

“Sorry about that,” was all it took for Bucky to start talking again. 

“God, no, Steve. You don’t have to apologize for anything,” Bucky immediately replied. Steve could hear the emotion in his voice, making his heart ache like it hadn’t in weeks. 

“Why did you call?” Steve asked softly, slightly worried about him. Bucky had been the one avoiding him, not answering his text. Never in a million years would he have thought Bucky would be the one to call him.

“I missed your voice,” Bucky said simply, and Steve felt a laugh come up as he started crying, unable to help himself. Because God, he missed Bucky’s voice too. He missed everything about him. 

“I missed you too, Buck,” Steve tried to keep the tears from being obvious, but he knew he had failed. Bucky always knew when he was crying. 

“How’ve you been?” Bucky asked, as though he was afraid of breaking Steve. He couldn’t decide how to answer that, or how to react to Bucky’s tone. Bucky had always taken care of him, but he had never treated him like he was broken. 

“I’ve been better, but I’ve also been worse,” Steve eventually decided on, not wanting to give too much away. 

“Me too,” Bucky replied immediately. Steve didn’t know how to answer that, didn’t know if he could. He had tried to reach out, it was Bucky who had been ignoring him. 

“I heard about your attack, please tell me you are at least taking care of yourself,” Bucky eventually broke the silence. Of course that’s what he would say, always so worried about Steve. And even though it drove him mad sometimes, it had been months since someone sounded so worried about him, and until now he hadn’t realized how much he missed it. 

“I have my inhaler with me right now,” Steve told him, unable to admit to him what had really been happening. He knew what Bucky had really been asking him, and he wasn’t going to answer that.

“God, Steve,” Bucky started, but he didn’t feel like getting a lecture right now, especially not from his ex-boyfriend. A word he loathed. 

“Buck…” He interrupted him, but Bucky didn’t seem to notice. 

“I fucked up. God, I fucked up so bad, Stevie.” And that was not what Steve was expecting at all. He couldn’t help the emotion which changed his breathing, or the way the tears started rolling down his face again.

“I miss you every second, I can’t stop thinking about you or staring at your text. It seems like everything reminds me of you, reminds me that I still love you. I love you so goddamn much it hurts, Steve.” Just hearing that made his heart stop. It had been so long since he heard Bucky’s voice, and all he wanted in all that time was for Bucky to say that. Now that he was, Steve felt like his heart might shatter. 

“I know this is all my fault, and I don’t expect forgiveness or any of that shit. I just couldn’t stand not talking to you.” Steve felt the need to say something, anything, to get him to stop or keep going he didn’t know, but he couldn’t stand to be silent. 

“I’ve missed talking to you too,” Steve wasn’t as eloquent with words as Bucky, he never had been. Bucky didn’t respond yet again.

“And I need you to take care of yourself, because I don’t know what I would do without you, Stevie, and it is killing me that I can’t help.” That was it for him, his resolve broke, interrupting Bucky yet again, this time he was going to comfort him, something he would not have imagined even 30 minutes ago doing. 

“Bucky…” Steve tried, but Bucky just continued. 

“No, Steve, I would give anything to undo what I did to you, I love you so much, and I know I’ll never stop. I know I don’t deserve a second chance, I don’t deserve you, but I just miss you so much and I would kill myself if I didn’t tell you. Right now I have literally nothing to lose. So before I lose my courage, I just had to ask, could you…?” Bucky made a choking noise, and Steve knew he wouldn’t be able to continue. But he also knew what Bucky was asking, and that broke his heart more than anything so far. He tried to get his thoughts together, breathing deeply. 

“Bucky…” he started once again, but he didn’t have it in him yet to continue. He couldn’t tell Bucky this right now. Not when it was the first time he was talking to him, and Bucky was crying on the other side of the line. 

“Buck, I…” he tired once more, still not able to put it into words though. However, Bucky seemed to know, at least he guessed he did from the sharp intake of breath which came through. 

“There is someone else,” Bucky said, his voice devoid of emotion. Steve closed his eyes, tears falling again. 

“Bucky, I can explain…” he started, wanting to tell Bucky everything, that it had literally been a day. It wasn’t serious, and depending on what Bucky was really asking, it could be short lived. 

“No, Steve, I shouldn’t have called. It’s okay, I don’t want to get in the way of anything. You should go have fun,” Bucky told him sincerely, “I’m drunk anyway, just ignore that all. Go back with your friends.”

“Wait, don’t hang up yet. I still miss you and I don’t want to go back to not talking. Please, Buck,” he could hear the begging tone in his own voice, but he didn’t care. He was desperate. When they broke up he had also lost his best friend, someone he never thought he would have to be without. 

“I don’t want to go back to not talking either,” Bucky assured him, “It’s been hell without you Steve, I mean that. Like, the other day I was talking about how I feel like I’m in a time loop or something because the seasons aren’t changing, and no one had any idea what I was talking about. I make so many references that no one even notices. At this point I don’t even bother.” And then Bucky was laughing. It sounded somewhat forced, but it was still a magical sound since Steve hadn’t heard it is so long. 

“Yeah, well, you can always text those references to me. I’ll get them, you know I will,” Steve almost demanded. 

“I do know,” Bucky agreed. There was another silence before Bucky talked again. 

“I suppose this is where we would normally catch up, but it was Halloween, so go out and get drunk. I’ll call you later this weekend and we can really catch up.”

“That sounds great, Buck,” Steve smiled. 

“You are gonna tell me all about this new person you are seeing alright?” Bucky told him rather than really asked him.

“If you want me to, I don’t want it to be awkward,” Steve could feel his growing apprehension at that.

“Nah,” Bucky dismissed, “If it’s you I want to know. I’ll talk to you later, okay. I love you.”

“I love you too, Buck,” Steve said, a few tears slipping out as he hung up. He quickly tried to pull himself together, so that no one inside would know he was crying. The mask helped, so did the darkness, but he still waited a few moments before going back in. He was glad he did too, because only a few seconds after the call ended he got a text from Bucky. 

Bucky:

Since it’s halloween, I thought you might want to see what I was going as. 

Attached was a selfie that he had clearly just taken as it was night out and Steve could tell he had just been crying, despite him attempting to make it seem like he didn’t. God, he was beautiful. Even in terrible street-lamp lighting with slightly red eyes and smeared blood around his mouth, he was the most beautiful man that Steve had ever seen. He quickly fixed his face so he could send one back, taking a few tired before he got one good enough to send. 

To Bucky:

I am guessing this was just to get me to show you what I was wearing

(attached image)

Bucky:

Guilty, but hey it worked

Also, did you get jacked or is that just a part of the costume?

Steve blushed at that.

To Bucky:

Um, the first one. I’ll explain this weekend

Bucky:

You better

Have a good night

Steve:

You too

Steve finally calmed down enough to go back inside, walking over to Peggy where she was talking to Angie. 

“I’m so sorry about that,” he apologized as soon as he came up to her.

“What was that all about?” There was only a hint of accusation in Peggy’s voice, and yeah, he deserved that.

“Nothing, he was just wishing me a happy halloween, we always used to spend it together,” he lied easily, the last part being true. He didn’t want to worry Peggy, especially this early on in the relationship. Peggy looked suspicious still, but didn’t say anything.

“Alright then. I bet I can beat you at darts,” she claimed, pointing over at the dart board.

“Oh, you are so on,” Steve grinned, walking over with her. Peggy beat him, but that didn’t wipe the smile off his face. Peggy was laughing next to him and Bucky was talking to him again, so he figured he had a reason to smile, even if a part of him was still wondering what could have happened if him and Peggy hadn’t agreed it was a date. He supposed now he would always wonder, what if?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Look! They finally talked!
> 
> Also, I have actually finished (for the most part) planning out this whole fic, and I have updated the number of chapters to be 15. There will probably be like one more for an epilogue or something, but you will have the conclusion of the story by chapter 15 at the latest! As always, thank you so much for reading, your support means so much to me!


	7. Double (Triple?) Date

It was only two weeks into his relationship with Peggy, and he thought he was doing alright. Since they were in almost all of the same clubs they didn’t have to rearrange their schedules to see each other, they would just grab a meal before or after the meetings. His friends kept commenting on how happy he seemed and that they were glad they got together, but Steve knew that his relationship with Peggy was not the only reason he was smiling more. 

Ever since Bucky called him the weekend after Halloween, sober this time, they had started to fall back into their old routine slowly. They weren’t talking as much as they were before, but they were talking, and that was a start. So, yes, Steve walked a little lighter these days, took a day or two off from going to the gym. 

“Steve, come on, it’s been weeks, are you ever going to actually introduce me, or I don’t know, even send me a picture of her?” Bucky asked. Steve sighed into the phone, he was alone in his room, lying on his bed with his phone to his ear. 

“How am I supposed to introduce you? It’s not like we can meet up at a coffee shop or something,” Steve replied. Bucky laughed at him.

“Yeah, because in this wonderful digital age there is no way to meet except in person,” Bucky commented dryly. Steve could practically see the smirk on his face now. 

“Shut up,” Steve threw back, but he wasn’t angry, “I don’t know, I just don’t want it to be weird.”

“I get it, but I don’t know, it might make her feel better to see that I am not coming onto you or anything,” Bucky reasoned. 

“Well…” Steve started.

“Yeah, yeah, I know. I hit on you when I was drunk, I’m sorry. You know how I get when I am drunk, and it’s not like I’m trying to steal you away or anything.” All Steve could think was how he did a bit more than hit on him, but he figured it would be easiest to leave that part unmentioned. 

“Why don’t I introduce you guys over thanksgiving break?” Steve suggested. There was a pause from the other end. 

“Steve, I’m not coming home for thanksgiving,” Bucky told him. Steve’s face wrinkled in confusion. 

“Where are you going instead?” Steve asked. 

“I’m not going anywhere, I’m just saying here in LA,” Bucky answered. Steve was almost afraid to ask the next thing on his mind.

“Alone?” He managed to get out.

“Stevie, I’m gonna be fine. Thanksgiving was never my favorite holiday, and they have a thanksgiving meal thing here for international students so I’ll be able to go to that,” Bucky explained. 

“Call me, alright? I know you are gonna call your family, but call me too,” Steve demanded, “Otherwise I’m just gonna spend all day thinking about you sitting alone in your dorm room.” Bucky chucked.

“Well, first, I am not going to be alone. And second, of course I’ll call you, you’re my family too remember?” Bucky told him and Steve felt close to crying again. Which was really just unreasonable, the only times he had cried recently were because of Bucky. 

“Okay, good,” Steve said, trying to play it cool. Bucky snorted.

“You worry too much sometimes,” Bucky replied. Steve couldn’t help the dry laugh that escaped him.

“Says you,” he retorted, “I swear, trailing after me, keeping me for doing anything potentially asthma causing. You are really one to talk.”

“Yeah, what can I say? You’re a lot more stupid than me. Speaking of that, are we gonna talk about the fact that there is no way it is heathy for you to be putting on all that muscle yet?” 

“No, we are not going to talk about that,” Steve replied instantly, “Instead why don’t we talk about what you are doing.”

“Oh, you know me, straight A’s are the only straight thing I’m doing,” Steve could hear the wink. He rolled his eyes.

“That’s a terrible line,” Steve said flatly. 

“It worked on you, if I remember correctly,” Bucky insinuated. 

“God, Bucky, if you really think your lines are why I dated you, you either have too much confidence in them or think I have really bad taste,” Steve replied. 

“No, you have amazing taste, you dated me,” Bucky said back instantly. Steve didn’t know what to say to that, not even a little. So he stayed silent, and so did Bucky. It was like they were slowly realizing the line they crossed and neither knew how to backtrack it. But Bucky was always better at conversation, so he was the one who broke it. 

“So, what are your plans for thanksgiving?” He cleared his throat. 

“You know, just having dinner with my mom,” Steve replied lamely. They were back to the awkward dynamic that never existed before. 

“That’s good, say hi to her for me, will you?” Bucky asked. 

“Say hi yourself, when you call me,” Steve replied. He could tell Bucky was smiling now. 

“You always were stubborn,” he said fondly. 

“Exactly, so you better call,” Steve demanded. 

“I will, I don’t need an excuse to want to talk to you,” Bucky told him.

“Well, good. Cause I’m holding you to that,” Steve warned. 

“When have I ever let you down?” Steve couldn’t answer that. Bucky seemed to know that and backtracked. 

“I gotta go now, but I’ll talk to you later, yeah?” 

“Of course, Buck, just let me know,” Steve responded instantly. 

“You know I will,” Bucky said just before he ended the call. Steve signed and looked down at the phone in his hand. At least they were talking. 

After a few seconds Sam texted him.

Sam:

Do you and Peggy want to go on a double date with us?

To Sam:

I’ll ask her but him sure she will want to

Sam:

Sweet, we were thinking of going to the movies like Friday or something

To Sam:

Sounds good!

—————————

By the time Friday had come around Natasha and Clint were also coming with them to the movies. Steve wondered if there was something more going on there, especially with the secret looks they would give each other. Over dinner they kept sharing secret smirks, like the entire conversation was filled with inside jokes. Sam and Riley also seemed to be sharing their own space, though theirs was more physical, Sam had his arm around Riley and Riley was resting his hand on Sam’s thigh. 

“You should see Natasha in the ring, I don’t think I have ever seen someone fight like her,” Clint commented. Natasha smirked.

“Have you ever fought her?” Riley asked. Clint snorted. 

“I won’t dare,” he replied, “I would rather just watch her beat up someone else.”

“The only time we came close was when some scholarship scouts came to a competition, they put me up against him and he threw the round because he knew how much the scholarship meant to me. It’s now I ended up going here,” Natasha told them. 

“Yeah, and you wouldn’t talk to me for weeks afterwards because you said you could have beaten me no matter what. I didn’t doubt that, I just didn’t want you to have to worry about out round,” Clint shrugged.

“Well now we will never know,” Natasha threw back. Clint just sighed. Steve couldn’t help comparing his and Peggy’s relationship to the people around them. Both pairs, even if Clint and Nat weren’t together romantically, seemed to have an ease and comfort that Steve just didn’t feel with Peggy. 

Like, after Sam said something funny Riley just leaned over and kissed him. It wasn’t anything big, it lasted all of about one second, but even then he couldn’t imagine doing that to Peggy. He didn’t know why, he had interrupted Bucky with his fair share of kisses, but that didn’t stop him from feeling nervous at the thought of doing something like that to Peggy. Thinking back on it, he didn’t think he had initiated any of their kisses so far, not that they had many. He supposed it was just because he had only ever kissed Bucky, so starting fresh with someone new would feel weird, he would probably get over it soon. 

As if to prove something to himself he looked over at Peggy, who smiled back at him, and once she did he leaned in and kissed her lightly, just as Riley had done to Sam a few moments before. She seemed a bit shocked but didn’t protest. She smiled at him again when he pulled away. 

“You gotta do that in front of us, man?” Sam asked, a teasing tone of voice. Peggy snorted. 

“Do you really want to be the one saying that?” She questioned, raising her eyebrows as she looked between him and Riley. 

“She’s right, you two were all over PDA before you were even dating,” Natasha pointed out. Sam blushed, but only a little. Riley just smiled. 

“Yeah, but they’re  _ straight _ ,” Sam said with mock disgust. 

“I’ll have you know, we’re both bi,” Peggy corrected him. 

“Oh, I’m aware, being bi is great. But what’s the point of having friends if you can’t make fun of them?” Sam questioned, throwing a piece of bread at them. 

“We are not starting a food fight in the middle of this restaurant,” Steve told him sternly. 

“Yeah, cause you know I’d win,” Sam smirked. Steve just sighed at him.

“I’m not taking that bait, and none of you better either,” Steve warned. 

“I may not take it now, but you are in for it once we get back to the dorms,” Natasha challenged.

“You are so on,” Sam smiled. 

They did manage to keep it together throughout dinner and the movie. Since Steve didn’t particularly care about the movie they were seeing so he let himself get distracted by Peggy siting next to him. Even in the low light of the theater he could see how beautiful she was. He was kind of taken aback by the fact she would ever be interested in him. She noticed him looking and he blushed. 

“Are you okay?” She whispered. Steve nodded, reaching over and taking her hand. 

“I was wondering when you were finally gonna make a move,” she teased.

“Oh, really, I didn’t peg you as the type of person who needed the guy to make the first move,” Steve teased back. 

“I’m not, I think I’ve made that very clear, I just wanted to make sure you are still interested,” Peggy was suddenly serious, “You know, after everything with halloween.”

“Of course I’m still interested,” Steve replied immediately, “We are just talking as friends. He keeps asking to meet you actually.” 

“Oh, good,” she seemed at least sort of surprised. 

“He’s not coming back over thanksgiving, so it will have to be over winter break or something,” Steve informed her. 

“I’m going back to London, but maybe we can meet before I leave?” She suggested. 

“Yeah, I’d like you too,” Steve said, not quite sure he believed it. He couldn’t place his finger on exactly why he didn’t want them to meet. They would probably get along well, and he obviously like spending time with both of them. It seemed too weird though, like two parts of his life overlapping. 

“That is assuming we are still together then,” Peggy added.

“Yeah, I’m assuming,” Steve smiled at her. And even though he couldn’t see very well in the darkened theater, he could tell she was smiling back.

“Listen, I know y’all are having a moment or whatever, but can you please shut up,” Sam whispered to them. Steve chuckled, but shut up and turned back to the screen, Peggy’s hand still in his. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, it happened again and I posted early! Also, I know this chapter is kinda short but the next one will be back to the regular length.


	8. Bucky's Thanksgiving

Bucky woke up Thanksgiving morning with a throbbing in his head and a dry mouth, but at least he was in his own dorm room. His roommate had gone home for Thanksgiving, like a good portion of the campus. Bucky was honestly looking forward to the quiet that the break would bring, not having had much of it for the rest of his time on campus. 

He stayed in bed for a while, not having any real reason or motivation to get up. The campus seemed so quiet, even just looking out the window he didn’t see very many people, which was unusual for the time of day. When he eventually did get up it was just for basic necessities in the bathroom, using the toilet, brushing his teeth, washing his face. He didn’t see any reason to actually change out of his pajamas, so instead of changing, he just went through his food bin and got cereal for his breakfast/lunch as it was eleven am. 

By the time it reached noon he realized that it was already three for Steve, so if he was going to call him before dinner now would probably be the best time to do it. He was probably helping his mom, so that made him hesitate to call, but he knew it would be better to interrupt that than dinner. Steve picked up on the first ring.

“Happy Thanksgiving!” Was Steve’s greeting. He could hear the smile in Steve's voice, practically being able to picture his face. Bucky chuckled. 

“Happy Thanksgiving, Stevie,” Bucky replied, “You’re mom makin’ that cheesy broccoli dish she makes every year?”

“You know she is,” the smile was still on his face.

“God, I might miss that more than anything else,” Bucky told him, only partially joking. That dish was really one of the best things he had ever eaten.

“Yeah, I don’t blame you,” Steve laughed, “If it wouldn’t get destroyed in transit I would send some to you.” 

“At least I will get some on Christmas,” Bucky reminded him, “You should tell her to make extra because I have to make up for not having it today.”

“Yessir,” Steve mocked, he knew if they were talking in person Steve would be saluting right now. That caused him to roll his eyes. 

“Also, I fully expect a picture of your spread, I’m planning on living vicariously through you tonight,” Bucky let a bit of a warning tone reach his voice. Steve chuckled. 

“I thought you had a big Thanksgiving meal planned on campus,” Steve teased, though there was an element of actual concern in his voice.

“If you think whatever they have is gonna be as good as you and your mom’s cooking you are sorely mistaken,” Bucky told him, “Might even be better than my ma’s, but don’t you ever tell her I said that.”

“Oh your secret's safe with me, I’m sure my mom will love to hear that. She was always jealous of your mom's cranberry sauce” Steve replied. Bucky hummed in agreement.

“Yeah, in that way she has Sarah beat.” Steve laughed at that. 

“You are talking to them too, right?” Steve asked. 

“Yeah, Becca promised to call right after dinner,” Bucky answered. 

“Aw, tell her hi from me. I haven’t talked to her since this summer,” the ‘since we broke up’ was implied. 

“I will, I’m sure she misses you. Sometimes I think she likes you more than me,” Bucky commented offhandedly. 

“Well, yeah, who wouldn’t,” Steve joked. 

“You got me there,” Bucky threw back.

“Have you been up to anything exciting today?” Steve questioned innocently. He was tempted to lie, but he figured Steve probably wouldn’t appreciate that.

“Well, I’ve had one meal today and it consisted of cereal, so if that doesn’t spell out a good time I don’t know what does,” Bucky said sarcastically. 

“Buck,” Steve’s voice broke.

“Jesus, Stevie, I’m fine. I was just joking, it’s only 12 here and the dinner isn’t until tonight,” Bucky tried to reassure him. 

“You might be joking, but knowing you it was completely truthful,” Steve said, which was true, but also unnecessary to point out. The continued concern in his voice made Bucky bite back the  _ baby  _ that was on the tip of his tongue. He knew that would make everything worse, but he couldn’t hold back the instinct completely, changing it only slightly to  _ Stevie _ .

“Stevie, I’m fine, really. I could easily go get more food or see people, I just wanted to talk to you,” Bucky continued to assure him, not caring that it wasn’t completely truthful, “Why don’t you tell me about what you’ve been doing, I’m sure it’s a lot more interesting than what I’ve been doing.”

“I mean, that’s a low bar, but sure. We have just been cooking all day, really,” Steve shrugged it off. 

“I’m sure,” Bucky said, “I mean, that’s what you do on Thanksgiving. It’s really no wonder I haven’t had anything to do today, I haven’t had to cook.”

“Yeah, no kidding, I don’t know what I would do if I didn’t have to cook,” Steve agreed. 

“If I know you, which I do, you would be cooking even if you didn’t have to. You couldn’t stand to just do nothing,” Bucky told him. 

“I could,” Steve challenged. 

“I’m sure,” Bucky chuckled.

“Sometimes I hate you,” Steve muttered. Bucky laughed again.

“It’s only because you know I’m right,” Bucky replied. 

“No,” Steve snapped back. 

“If you keep on like this you are going to walk yourself into a place you cannot get out of,” Bucky warned. 

“I can get out of anything,” Steve continued to press. 

“One of the days over break I’m gonna hold you to that promise,” Bucky vowed.

“I’m sure you will,” there was entirely too much doubt in Steve’s voice for Bucky’s liking. 

“I feel like at this point you are just baiting me,” Bucky told him. 

“So what if I am?” Steve taunted. 

“You know what, over break you are gonna have a day of literally doing nothing, and if you can’t do it I will tie you to your bed,” Bucky realized what that sounded like, “But like, not in a gay way. I mean the like gay sexy way. Not in that way.”  _ There, he fixed it _ , he thought sarcastically while his cheeks flushed with embarrassment. He was really glad his roommate wasn’t around to hear that. Steve huffed. 

“Great save,” Steve said dryly, “But sure, Buck, whatever you say.”

“Damn right,” Bucky replied, but it lacked confidence due to his previous statement. Steve chuckled. 

“I should let you get back to helping your mom,” Bucky tried to back out of the conversation, way too flustered to get back into any witty banter. Steve just laughed again.

“I know all your tricks Barnes, so you don’t have to use them on me,” Steve said easily.

“Yeah, well, do you think that you can come back from telling someone you are gonna tie them up without any tricks?” Bucky asked. He knew he had stumped Steve, because the only responses he could think of quickly to that would be sexual. He knew he had trapped him. 

“Fine, you are probably right, I should help, right now all my mom’s got is Peggy,” Bucky smiled, he had won. Even though it wasn’t a fight, he knew it took a lot for Steve to back down. Then it dawned on him what he said. Peggy was there, the person Steve was dating. Of course she would be there. His face was burning, but should it be? If he wanted to change how he was talking to Steve in the presence of Peggy that was not a good sign. So he hadn’t done anything wrong, right? He couldn’t decide if he should bring it up or just move on from the topic.

“Yeah you should, it was really good talking to you Steve,” Bucky decided on, completely sincere. 

“It was good talking to you too, Buck,” Steve replied. He hung up before he could change his mind, still having multiple hours to kill before Becca called. 

He still couldn’t stop thinking about Peggy being over at Steve’s apartment. He knew he had no right to be jealous, but that didn’t stop the emotion from bubbling up in his chest. He realized he didn’t actually know how long they had been dating, so it is possible it had gotten serious since the last time they talked. Steve didn’t feel very comfortable talking about their relationship, and considering how tense he had gotten at just the thought of Peggy being at his apartment for Thanksgiving, he understood Steve’s hesitation. 

Last Thanksgiving he had been the one helping Steve cook Thanksgiving dinner, though he supposed that was because he was the one dating Steve last Thanksgiving. His mom had not been able to be up and moving around that much at that point, so he had volunteered to help Steve cook instead. They had spent the whole day in the kitchen, messing up a few times, but they had managed to make an actually good dinner. 

_ “Are you sure about this? It’s not too late if you want to go with your family instead,” Steve asked when he opened the door. Bucky could tell he was trying to stay neutral, but his eyes gave him away. Bucky still held the bags of last minute groceries he had gone out to get before the stores got too crowded. _

_ “Of course I’m sure,” Bucky replied easily, savoring the way Steve’s whole face lit up, “Besides, my parents have Becca, and I don’t trust you alone in a kitchen.” Bucky walked inside and Steve closed and locked the door behind him. _

_ “I’m a good cook,” Steve defended as they made their way to the kitchen. _

_ “And I don’t doubt that, but I would be worried sick all day that you would burn something and have enough smoke to cause an asthma attack, but then have no one to help you with it,” Bucky told him, washing his hands and face. _

_ “Jeez, is that what it is like in your head all the time? Are you ever not worrying about me?” Steve teased.  _

_ “Hey, I have reason to worry, okay? One of us has to,” Bucky answered, knowing Steve knew how little he actually paid attention to his various medical restrictions, “I’m going to take a shower, can you put away everything?” _

_ “Of course,” Steve said, already moving to unpack the bags. Bucky smiled, watching him for a moment before heading to Steve’s bathroom to shower. He washed himself quickly and methodically before walking back out to the kitchen fully dressed. _

_ “So where do we start?” He asked Steve, who was already laying out the ingredients.  _

_ “Well, we don’t have a turkey because that is way too much for just the three of us to eat, so I mean I guess we can just start with the chicken,” Steve said, opening up the packages. Bucky helped him, falling into an easy rhythm together, having been cooking together for many years.  _

_ It took them multiple hours in the kitchen on and off to finish all of the food. It took less time than cooking on Thanksgiving normally took because they didn’t have as much to make. They had most of the traditional Thanksgiving dinner dishes, and when they laid them out on the table it looked similar to all the years prior.  _

_ Steve and Sarah had spent the last few years going over to Bucky’s family’s apartment for Thanksgiving. As soon as Bucky’s mom learned that they were going to be alone with just the two of them for Thanksgiving, she invited them over. Every year since then it had become a tradition, they would cook together and eat together.  _

_ This year Sarah’s immune system was compromised so being around the amount of people both traveling and at the house was something Steve hadn’t been willing to change. Bucky immediately offered to spend Thanksgiving with them instead, staying with Steve for the week beforehand too so he wouldn’t be in contact with any of his out of state relatives.  _

_ Steve and Bucky helped his mom from her bedroom to the table, showing off the meal they had been able to create. She smiled at them, a few tears welling up in her eyes. Steve and Bucky smiled back at her, and Bucky insisted on taking a picture before they started eating. That had been his phone background for a few months afterwards.  _

_ “Alright, boys, tradition is tradition,” Sarah told them, “One thing you are thankful for.”  _

_ “I’m thankful that you are able to sit out here and eat with us, telling us we have to uphold traditions,” Steve said with a smile. Sarah reached for his hand and squeezed it lightly.  _

_ “I’m thankful for both you letting me stay with you so I could be here today, and for my family being understanding as to why I wanted to be here. There is really no where I would rather be,” Bucky added. Sarah squeezed his hand as well.  _

_ “I’m thankful for both you boys. Steve, you have really gone above and beyond for me. And Bucky, thank you for being able to take care of him when I can’t. You have made a bigger difference than even Steve would like to admit,” Sarah seemed to hold their hands even tighter as they spoke.  _

_ “No need to thank me, like I said, there is no where I would rather be,” Bucky replied, placing his other hand on the table for Steve to hold. Steve blushed, but put his hand in Bucky’s, so now all of their hands formed a circle. Bucky stroked his thumb back and forth over Steve’s hand as Sarah squeezed their hands one last time before letting go.  _

_ “Alright, let’s eat,” Sarah announced, starting to reach for one of the dishes. Bucky shot Steve one last smile before letting go of his hand and grabbing some food.  _

_ ———————— _

_ Immediately after dinner Steve and Bucky had gone into the kitchen to pack up the leftovers and wash the dishes. Sarah turned on a Thanksgiving cooking show in the other room, so they could hear it as they washed up. Almost an entire episode had passed by the time they finished, making it out in time to see the final judging.  _

_ Sarah was sitting on the reclining armchair, so Bucky and Steve sat down on the couch. Bucky pulled Steve into him, his arm around his shoulder. Steve let himself be supported by Bucky, leaning into the touch when Bucky placed a kiss on his temple.  _

_ They sat for a few episodes, each person becoming more tired the longer they sat there, until Steve noticed his mom falling asleep. He gently woke her up and helped her get comfortable in bed before walking back out.  _

_ “You ready to go to bed?” Bucky asked, looking over the back of the couch at him.  _

_ “It’s like nine thirty,” Steve replied.  _

_ “That’s not what I asked,” Bucky told him pointedly. Steve signed, deflating a little.  _

_ “Yeah, Buck,” he answered. Bucky smiled softly, turning off the tv and getting up. They both got ready for bed, tucking themselves together under the covers once they were finished with their routines. Steve’s head was on his chest like a pillow, Bucky wrapping his arms around him completely. He placed a kiss in his damp hair. _

_ “I’m thinking of staying with you guys a bit longer, if that would be okay,” Bucky told him softly.  _

_ “Of course it’s okay, Buck, stay as long as you want, we always want you here,” Steve muttered sleepily against him. Bucky smiled into his hair, keeping his breathing and heart rate steady so that Steve would have something constant to fall asleep to, knowing it would help him. After a while Bucky assumed that Steve had fallen asleep on him, given the way his body was completely relaxed against him. Bucky could feel his own eyes closing when he felt Steve shift against him.  _

_ “You know what my mom said is true, right?” It was barely a whisper, but Bucky heard him.  _

_ “Yeah, I do,” Bucky replied, keeping his voice quiet and low.  _

_ “I’m so thankful for you, Buck. I don’t think that I could have gotten through this without you. I love you so much.” Steve had never been great with words, that was more Bucky’s area, choosing to use his art or actions to convey how he was feeling. Bucky never cared though, he always knew, but he couldn’t help but grin at his words, holding Steve even tighter.  _

_ “I’m so thankful for you too, Stevie. You mean more to me then you will even know. I feel so lucky every day that you love me, and I know I will never get over that feeling. You are just the best, Steve, and I don’t think there is any way that I could ever stop loving you. Even if you hated me, I would still love you with all that I am,” Bucky whispered. Steve pressed up so he could look him in the eye.  _

_ “James Buchanan Barnes, you get this in your head, I could never hate you. I will always love you, nothing could ever change that,” Steve responded fiercely before kissing him hard, with much more energy than Bucky thought he possessed at this moment. Bucky responded with equal force, changing the angle slightly so that it would put less strain on his back. _

_ “I believe you,” Bucky said when Steve pulled back and laid down on his chest again.  _

_ “You better,” Steve snorted.  _

It was hours before Becca called him. Their dinner normally ended around eight thirty or so, and with the time difference that meant it was around five thirty when Becca did FaceTime him. Everyone around the table waved and he said a few hellos, but there was a lot of background noise to actually have a conversation, so Becca moved into a more quiet room before she actually was able to start talking. 

“I suppose this is where I should say happy Thanksgiving, though I have a feeling yours hasn’t been all that happy considering the fact that you are still wearing pajamas in bed,” Becca said. 

“Well, happy Thanksgiving to you too,” Bucky grumbled, already regretting letting Becca be the one to call him. 

“I thought you were going to the international Thanksgiving or something,” Becca asked.

“It’s not for another hour,” Bucky defended, but Becca just sighed.

“You’re not going, are you?” Becca told him more than was really asking a question. 

“I don’t know,” Bucky replied. 

“Bucky, you can’t be alone all Thanksgiving,” Becca reprimanded. Bucky rolled his eyes at her.

“I’m across the country, you have no control over what I do,” Bucky snapped back. 

“I could just start talking about Steve, god knows you talk my ear off about him for years. I’m sure you would love to hear about him right now,” Becca threatened, a glint in her eye that Bucky wanted to erase from existence.

“I will hang up on you right now,” Bucky warned, not caring how much that made her point. 

“Or I could just tell him you are alone, I’m sure he would be really happy about that,” she continued. Bucky was seriously considering hanging up on her at this point. 

“Don’t tell him, you asshole,” Bucky growled, “Also, I already talked to him today so it is not like there is anything else he can do.”

“Oh, so you are back on speaking terms?” Becca questioned, an insinuating tone in her voice. Bucky was regretting everything about this phone call now. 

“This is why I never call you anymore,” Bucky replied in lieu of an answer. 

“But I can spy on him, I’m still in the city,” Becca offered. Given Becca’s dedication, he wasn’t actually sure if she was joking or not.

“Please don’t,” he answered, just in case, “Besides, you have too much going on. You have finals to study for, and last call you spent the entire time complaining about your model UN partner.”

“Yeah, and I stand by everything I said,” Becca defended, “But also, it is my senior year, time to make some mistakes!”

“That is a bad idea,” Bucky said. 

“But I’m a reckless teen, I can do what I want,” she responded with flare. 

“Nope, not how that works,” Bucky shook his head.

“Speaking of that, there is nothing you can do to stop me from texting Steve and telling him you are not going to the dinner,” Becca picked up the conversation Bucky had tried very hard to drop. 

“We’re not dating, you can’t do that kind of stuff anymore,” Bucky groaned. 

“Yeah, but that just gives you more incentive,” Becca wiggled her eyebrows. 

“I hate you so much,” Bucky told her. She looked at him fondly. 

“I love you too,” she replied cheerfully. 

“Well, if I’m going to go I have to leave and get ready I guess,” Bucky conceded. Becca cheered. 

“And you said I had no control over what you do. Next time you challenge someone, make sure they don’t know your weak spot,” Becca smiled. 

“What’s my weak spot?” Then realization dawned on him, only having to take a few seconds given the context of the conversation they were having, “Are you talking about Steve?” There was horror in his voice. 

“Who else?” Becca rolled her eyes as she talked. 

“I’m not even going to take the time to tell you how wrong you are,” Bucky started, but Becca interrupted with a simple, sarcastic “uh huh”, which shut him up pretty quickly. It was hopeless to argue against her like this. 

“I hate you,” he repeated instead, “I’ll talk to you later.”

“I’ll see you in like two weeks! I’m so excited, I have so much to tell you,” Bucky could tell she was about to start on a story, which he really didn’t have time for right now.

“Well, you can tell me all about it when I get home. Bye, Becks,” he ended the conversation before she could go farther.

“See you soon!” She replied just before he hung up. 

Bucky only ended up seeing a few people he knew at the dinner, but he had a few short conversations before heading up to his dorm. And at least he ate something other than a microwaved meal, which was his plan. So it might have been his worst Thanksgiving yet, but at least he got to eat some decent food. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We are halfway done! Look at how the time flies, I have had so much fun writing this story, so I hope you all are enjoying reading it as well. 
> 
> Also, happy early Thanksgiving if you are celebrating! And if you are please please please be safe! Covid is out of control again in the US, so even thought the holiday season is coming up, please practice social distancing and wear masks, not just to keep you safe, but to keep your family and friends safe too. 
> 
> As for this story, don't worry, I will still be updating next Thursday as normal on Thanksgiving itself. I just knew that this chapter was gonna be sad so I didn't want to post it on a holiday. I will be back next week with more of the drama!


	9. Hell Week

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am so sorry this is late, but I'll put the rest of my notes at the end so you can get right into it!

Halfway through finals week and Steve just wanted to take a nap. He felt like every day dragged on, spending most of his time pouring over his textbooks and canvases for his final projects and exams. He had spent most of the day in the digital art lab finishing up his project that was due tonight. He had originally planned to go to lunch with Peggy, but canceled right before once he realized he needed more time.

He could feel his head start to throb from the amount of time he was looking at the screen. He forced himself to pull back, standing up to stretch. Only then did he notice the pain in his back, shoulder, and neck. He rolled it out, trying to gain some relief, but the soreness stayed. He started pacing back and forth as he moved his neck and shoulders around. After a few minutes of just trying to loosen out his muscles he picked up his phone, knowing Peggy has probably texted him by now. 

Peggy:

It’s okay, I get it, finals are tough

You still owe me a lunch before I leave though

To Peggy:

You got it, same time tomorrow

The other text he saw was not one that he was expecting, though it wasn’t exactly unexpected, they talked multiple times a day at least now.

Bucky:

When are you done with finals?

To Bucky:

Unfortunately I have one on friday

Bucky:

Let me know when you get out, we can go celebrate

Steve immediately felt his heart rate increase. He was so caught up in everything he hadn’t even thought about Bucky coming back for break.

To Bucky:

When are you coming back

Bucky:

I get in tomorrow night

Steve could barely still his hands enough to type, he had not prepared for the possibility of seeing Bucky to be so soon. 

To Bucky:

When?

Bucky

Around like 8:30 your time I think

To Bucky:

I can meet you at the airport

He answered before even really thinking about it. Bucky was clearly suspicious too. 

Bucky:

You don’t have to do that, its not like I need a ride or anything

To Bucky:

Yeah, but Im going to be there anyways to say goodbye to Peggy. I might as well stick around for you

It wasn’t a lie, he was going to the airport tomorrow with Peggy. Her last final was Thursday morning, so she booked her flight for that evening, wanting to get home and see her family as soon as possible. Steve offered to go and help her with he bags, also so they could have a goodbye moment at the airport instead of on campus. The only thing he was omitting was that her flight wasn’t until 7:30 and they were planning on getting there at 5. So he would be waiting three and a half hours in JFK. 

Bucky:

I mean I would love to see you

So im not going to say no

To Bucky:

Thats the right answer

I’ll see you tomorrow then

Steve couldn’t wipe the stupid smile off his face as he typed the last text. He supposed it was normal to miss your best friend, so seeing them again after months of only texting and calling was a good reason to be happy. He didn’t have to feel the guilt that began welling up in his chest about being so happy Bucky was coming back. 

He shook his head, trying to clear his thoughts before he sat back down to work. He was still smiling as he started again, not fully being able to concentrate on what he was doing. His mind kept flipping through what Bucky’s reaction to seeing him again might be. He could already feel his heart beating out of his chest as he searched the crowd for Bucky’s face. See Bucky’s face light up once their eyes meet, coming in close to wrap him up in a hug. 

He really needed to stop thinking about this if he was ever going to finish his project. He sighed as he looked at it. It still felt unfinished to him, but he didn’t know what else he could do. He had been making small edits, but he supposed he could be done. He never felt like anything was finished, so he never really knew when to stop. But if he wasn’t going to get any more inspiration then he might as well just turn it in. 

When he submitted it some of the tension drained out of him, but he couldn’t help but second guess everything he did. He forced himself to exit out of everything and just leave. He had submitted it, there wasn’t anything else he could do now. 

———————

Steve spent the rest of Wednesday studying for the art history final he had on Friday, knowing he wasn’t going to be able to concentrate on much while he was sitting in the airport. He luckily didn’t have anything on Thursday, so he figured he could take a bit of a break from the relentless studying. 

By the time he had to leave for the airport with Peggy he was feeling pretty good about his exam, so he only brought one of the books he needed to study for the class. They took the subway over, which was a very squished ride due to her bags and the number of people going various places for the holidays. With how close they were standing he could feel the energy radiating off her. He squeezed her hand and gave her a smile. 

“What are you looking forward to the most?” He asked. She returned his smile easily. 

“Family, of course, but I mean after that probably just walking around my neighborhood. Everyone always goes overboard with the decorations,” she answered. 

“You better send me pictures then,” Steve said in a jokily warning tone. 

“Oh, believe me, now that you’ve asked for it, you will be tired of how many pictures I will send you,” Peggy responded. 

“I’m counting on it now,” Steve told her. 

“What are you looking forward to?” 

“Oh, just seeing my mom and doing all our traditions. Nothing too exciting,” Steve shrugged.

“Traditions are exciting,” Peggy protested. 

“Yeah, I guess they are,” Steve conceded. 

The airport was also crowded, but JFK always was. The floor was slippery and covered in muddy melted snow, making controlling the wheels of suitcases difficult. Peggy started to slip as soon as they walked in the door, so he encouraged her to grip his arm for support. He walked her all the way to security. She let go of him and turned so they were face to face. 

“I’m gonna miss you, I feel like I have gotten so used to seeing you almost every day, it’s gonna be weird going a whole month without it,” Peggy said. Steve blushed. 

“We at least have facetime,” Steve offered.

“You better call me,” she warned, poking him in the chest repeatedly. 

“I will, scout’s honor,” Steve mock saluted with a dopey grin. Peggy rolled her eyes, but pulled him in close to plant a firm kiss on his lips. 

“Bye, Steve,” she said once they parted. 

“Text me when you get in,” Steve told her. She nodded in response before heading towards the line. She smiled back at him and waved once she stopped moving, he returned the gesture before heading back towards the sitting area by the doors. With three and a half hours to kill, he really had no idea what he was going to do. 

He spent the first hour going over his notes in the book he brought, but that became too repetitive. People watching also took up a good part of his time, imagining where they were going, the relationships between each group based on conversation and body language, what could be in their bags. There was a coffee shop down a little ways which he grabbed a drink from at some point. The minutes really just seemed to blend together, giving a sense of timelessness. 

Steve couldn’t help his mind from wandering to what seeing Bucky again would be like. The last time he had seen him both of their faces were covered in tears, which was not exactly what Steve was hoping would happen this time around. He knew the briefly imagined fantasy of running to each other’s arms in slow motion with dramatic music playing in the background wasn’t exactly feasible, but was definitely normal for friends. However, with their history he didn’t even know if he should hug Bucky. Would that be too awkward, given their history? Then did hug before they got together, obviously, but would it be too much now? 

He was probably overthinking this, but what else was he supposed to do while he sat in this airport? It’s not like he could be thinking about what he would be doing once he got to this destination. He was planning on just taking Bucky back to his parent’s apartment. But would his parents think it was weird? Should he have been planning on taking him out somewhere? Was there some kind of rulebook for what to do when meeting up with your ex? If there was, Steve would very much like to read it.

Steve realized that he had never met up with an ex before, entirely because he had never had an ex before. At least his ex was Bucky, he had done so many embarrassing things in front of him, that even if he managed to screw this up, it wouldn’t ruin what they had now. At least he hoped it wouldn’t. His thoughts were interrupted by his phone buzzing.

Bucky:

We just landed

To Bucky:

Welcome to NY!

Do you know what baggage carousel you will be on?

Bucky:

No, but this is my flight

He texted Steve a picture of his boarding pass. Steve quickly moved around, trying to find the carousel which would be carrying the luggage from his flight. It took around fifteen to twenty minutes, and by then he was buzzing with energy, shifting from foot to foot and looking through the crowd. He knew it could still be like ten minutes or more before he even saw Bucky, depending on many factors, so he tried to calm himself down, but it didn’t work. 

When he saw Bucky every muscle in his body froze. He could feel his heart thumping against his ribcage, and he was sure if it wasn’t so loud in the area he would be able to hear it as well. Bucky hadn’t noticed him yet, his eyes still searching the crowd. He would say that he looked even more gorgeous than he remembered, but that would be a lie. Steve would always remember how utterly beautiful Bucky was, but it was different to see his features in person. He could never forget Bucky’s face, but that didn’t mean it didn’t take his breath away. 

His hair had gotten a bit longer, like he hadn’t gotten it cut in the four months they were apart. Bucky had always been covered in muscles, a combination of the boxing he did and the heavy lifting for his old job. Now he seemed to have grown into himself though, he had put on a bit more muscle, but mainly he just looked older. Less like a teenager and more like an adult. The angles of his face sharper, the way he held himself straighter. 

Their eyes met just before he reached the carousel. There wasn’t any slow-motion running or a cruciendo of classical music, but the blinding smile on Bucky’s face made up for that. Steve had to hold himself back from flinging himself at Bucky. He instead walked towards him calmly, at least that is what he was going for, until they were face to face. And Steve had no idea what to do. He contemplated for a second before extending his hand for a handshake.

“What are we, business partners?” Steve blushed at the comment, but not quite sure what to do now. Bucky rolled his eyes.

“Given where that hand had been on me, I think we are above a handshake,” Bucky commented, pushing Steve’s hand aside and pulling him into a tight hug, “I missed you, punk.” The embrace could have been slightly awkward as Bucky was still wearing his backpack, but Steve just pushed his arms under the backpack so they were directly wrapped around his back. 

“I missed you too, Buck,” Steve muttered into his shoulder, still blushing furiously. They didn’t break apart until the bell on the carousel went off announcing that the bags were arriving. It was definitely a much longer hug than Steve had been expected, but as soon as Bucky’s arms were around him he didn’t want to move. So when Bucky didn’t pull back, he didn’t either. It took the loud noise to jar them apart. Bucky cleared his throat and stepped back, turning to face the same direction as the rest of the crowd. 

“You still have the same bag?” Steve asked, mainly to break up the silence that had fallen between them. He knew it would be the same bag. 

“Yep,” Bucky replied quickly, eyes scanning the bags coming in. Steve couldn’t think of anything else to say, so he stayed silent, hoping Bucky would be the one to speak up this time. He did not, however, which let the awkwardness draw out. 

Steve grabbed Bucky’s bag off the belt for him, lifting it mostly effortlessly. Even though the weight was easy to carry there was no graceful way to carry a suitcase. Bucky gave him a mildly shocked look as he extended the handle, not giving Bucky the opportunity to take it from him. 

“I guess we should just head over to my parent’s then,” Bucky commented, turning and walking through the doors. The subway ride over was as painfully silent as the wait for the bag had been. Before when neither of them felt like talking it was never awkward, especially when they were leaning against each other or holding hands. Now Bucky could barely even look at him, eyes scanning around the carriage instead. 

On the walk to the apartment they exchanged a bit of small talk, Steve talked about the new people he had met, how him and Peggy got together. Bucky was quieter, only interjecting briefly with some of his own experiences, most about life in California or the culture difference. It felt almost normal, at least it did until they reached the door. Winifred Barnes opened it, her mouth hanging in shock. She snapped it shut quickly, but the expression didn’t change much. 

“Steve, we weren’t expecting you,” she said before anything else. Bucky tensed next to him. Steve felt the instinct to reach for his hand, but held himself back, clenching his hand into a fist instead. 

“I was just helping Bucky with his things, I can go now, Mrs. Barnes,” Steve replied, polite as ever. 

“Mrs. Barnes? I don’t think you have called me that in years. Of course you are welcome Steve, it was just a surprise,” Winifred stepped aside to allow them both room to come in. Steve started in with the suitcase, but Bucky held out an arm to stop him, grabbing the suitcase and taking off his backpack. 

“Actually mom, Steve was planning on showing me around NYU today. Just to give me a chance to stretch my legs after sitting for so long.” Bucky pushed the bags just inside the door against the wall so they would be out of the way.  _ Did I? _ Steve couldn’t help himself from thinking, but he stayed quiet. Their agreement had remained unbroken for years, if either of them wanted to get out of something they could always use the other as an excuse. 

“Oh, wonderful,” Winifred responded, her voice filled with hesitancy. 

“Well, it is a beautiful campus,” Steve stepped it, “And Bucky never got to see my dorm room in person.” Bucky nodded in agreement.

“No, he didn’t” her voice was still tense, with good reason. Everyone here knew Bucky never saw his dorm room before because he and Bucky weren’t exactly on speaking terms then. Thankfully, she did not mention that.

“Well, have fun you too,” she said instead. Both of them gave a smile and a little wave before heading out of the building. 

“Thank you for that,” Bucky told him once they were outside. Steve scoffed. 

“You don’t have to thank me.”

“Yeah, well I just did. You can go back to campus now, I’m sure you have plenty of studying to do.” Bucky stopped walking as he said that.

“You aren’t coming with me?” Steve asked. 

“No, I mean not unless you want me to,” he shrugged. 

“And here I was, led to believe that I promised you a tour of NYU, and what am I if not a man of my word?” Steve made an overly dramatic gesture, while he started walking again, still facing Bucky.

“You’re a little shit, that’s what you are," Bucky grumbled, but kept up with him.

“So what, you don’t want to come with me?” 

“Are you sure you want me there?” Bucky’s defenses lowered slightly, letting a little bit of vulnerability show. Not a lot, but enough that Steve could see how self-conscious he had really become. 

“Why wouldn’t I?” Steve tried for bewilderment, but really hoped Bucky wouldn’t bring up the obvious reason. He did not, instead giving him a look that fondly said  _ you idiot _ . Steve took the win. He put his arm around Bucky’s shoulders, squeezing him slightly.

“I always want you with me,” he said more softly, attempting to reassure him before dropping his arm back to his own side. 

Steve got him to open up a little more about California on the subway ride over. It was not much, but he seemed fairly willing to talk about his professors and classes. He talked about a few people, but Steve couldn’t help but notice a few people Bucky mentioned knowing. The few people he did see regularly, he didn’t know much about. He forced down his concern though, instead letting Bucky lead the conversation uninhibited. He was finally seeming somewhat comfortable, and Steve didn’t want to ruin that. 

When they got off at the stop, Steve straightened himself up and cleared his throat, getting ready. Bucky cut off what he was saying and looked at him in confusion. 

“You wanted a tour, and lucky for you one of my friends is a tour guide who loves to state random stats, so I can give you the full experience,” Steve explained with a grin, wiggling his eyebrows. Bucky groaned. 

“I believe I said you were going to show me around,” Bucky tried to protest, but Steve shook his head. 

“Artistic liberty,” he stated simply. 

“You can’t just say that to win any argument,” Bucky argued.

“I just did,” Steve retorted with another grin. Bucky shook his head, but the slight smile on his face was fond. 

“You’re lucky I love you,” Bucky responded before stopping and turning towards Steve in horror, “I’m sorry, that just slipped out.” It was unsurprising he picked up that habit, considering how many times he had said it to Steve while they were dating. Steve chuckled humorlessly, tugging on his arm to get him moving again.

“It’s okay, Buck. We’re friends, I love you too,” Steve cringed as he said it, but it was too late to take it back now. Bucky gave him a small smile, but it didn’t meet his eyes. Silence fell upon them again, and Steve knew he was the one at fault. 

“You know, I haven’t been back here since I toured it my senior year,” Bucky commented, trying to start the conversation up once more. 

“Yeah? I doubt it’s changed all that much.”

“Well, you better tell me those stats you know so I can compare.” There was a bit of twinkle in his eye. Steve had always been impressed at this skill of Bucky’s, the ability to easily steer the conversation and recover from awkwardness. Steve’s go to move was pretty much just to freeze, which wasn’t exactly helpful. 

“You might regret asking that,” Steve chuckled. 

“I don’t have anything better to do today than listen to you sprout false facts about NYU.”

“Who said they are going to be false?” Steve was mock offended. 

“You gotta have better things to do than listen to stats about a college you already go to.” 

“That’s a bold claim coming from someone who knew me in high school.” 

“I’m sure you have more friends than you did in high school. It’s pretty much impossible to have less.” 

“That is a fair statement. Who knows, maybe we will even run into a few of them?” 

“On a campus this size I would be surprised.”

“Shall we start with a residence hall tour?” Steve gestured towards the entrance to his dorm building, letting him and Bucky in. As Bucky would probably yell at him for walking up the number of stairs to get up to his floor, so they went in the elevator. He let them into is room before taking off his coat and flinging it onto his bed, jumping on it himself right after. Bucky raised his eyebrows at him before taking off his own jacket.

“I guess we are staying here for a while then,” Bucky said, sitting at his desk chair. 

“Don’t worry, we don’t have to stay here long, it is just incredibly hot in here. When the heat came on we thought it was too hot, so I tried to mess with the valve to make it cooler and I ended up just making it hotter. So Sam banned me from touching it,” Steve explained, pulling off his sweatshirt as well. Bucky’s eyes bugged and Steve blushed. It’s not that he forgot he had gained a considerate amount of muscle mass since Bucky had seen him, he just was trying not to think about it. 

Steve nervously waited to hear Bucky’s response, hoping he didn’t realize exactly how he had gained the muscle. There was a reason he never worked out this much in high school, because it was not advised for him to push himself to the point of needing an inhaler when he worked out daily. If his mom found out he had done it even once she would have nipped it in the bud. His mom wasn’t here now though. 

Bucky seemed to have been rendered speechless. He opened his mouth once before shutting it and reaching out as if to touch him.

“Can I?” He asked. Steve nodded and he reached out and grabbed his bicep. 

“Jesus, Stevie, what happened to you,” he sounded flabbergasted. Steve blushed yet again, not willing to answer him. 

“I joined the army,” he joked. Bucky’s face whipped up, eyes meeting his fiercely. The grip on his bicep tightened. There was genuine fear covering his face. 

“Stevie…” his voice broke. Steve rolled his eyes.

“I’m joking, jerk, I wouldn’t just spring that on you,” Steve tried to laugh it off. Bucky released the death grip on his arm, scrubbing his hand over his face.

“Holy fuck, you can’t do that to me,” Bucky breathed out, pulling Steve into a hug and burying his face into Steve’s neck, “you’re the worst.”

“I may be the worst, but I bet I can pick you up now.” Bucky leaned back as Steve spoke, so he could see Steve raising his eyebrows as he talked. 

“Don’t you dare,” Bucky warned, but Steve was already grinning. 

“Put your arms around my neck,” he commanded. Bucky didn’t look happy about it, but he complied. Steve held his waist tightly and picked him up, his feet barely lifted off the floor before Bucky went limp, forcing Steve to put him down. Steve pouted at him.

“Come on, help me out,” he asked, and Bucky sighed. 

“If you drop me I will never forgive you,” Bucky threatened, but backed away in order to jump into his arms. Steve braced himself, and counted down from three. Bucky didn’t hesitate, which was a surprising show of trust. Steve caught him a bit harshly, but he managed to hold him up. His arms supported Bucky’s thighs, which were now encircling his waist tightly, as Bucky’s own arms were wrapped around Steve’s neck once again. 

“I don’t think I will ever get used to you being bigger than me,” Bucky commented, looking down at Steve’s face. 

“Yeah, cause I’m so much taller right now,” Steve said sarcastically. 

“I don’t remember you complaining about the change in high difference when I used to lift you up,” Bucky challenged. Steve rolled his eyes. 

“Yeah, because I was like 4’8 with a fragile sense of masculinity.”

“Are you implying that you, the one who just picked me up to prove he could, no longer has a fragile sense of masculinity?” Bucky punctuated his point by poking Steve in the side. He flinched, but didn’t drop him. Bucky, on the other hand, was shaking with laughter. 

“Now who’s the little shit, huh?” Steve asked, playfully shaking him and joining in with a chuckle. And it was at that exact moment that Sam and Riley walked in. Sam dropped his bag with a thud, arms open in shock. Steve sobered up quickly, putting Bucky down gracefully. 

“Bucky, this is my roommate Sam and his boyfriend Riley. Sam and Riley this is Bucky,” as Steve made the introductions he pointed at both of them in turn. Bucky smiled, extending his hand at them both. Sam shook first, then Riley. 

“Man, and I thought when I walked in on your and Peggy holding hands that was the worst that was gonna happen,” Sam complained. 

“If that’s your idea of a wild night I feel bad for your boyfriend,” Bucky replied. Riley chuckled. 

“Hey, I know how to have a good time. I’m just not sure that purity boy over there does. I mean him and Peggy have been together for over a month and I have seen them kiss like three times.” Steve rolled his eyes at that.

“Yeah, because I always make sure you are watching before I kiss my girlfriend,” Steve said sarcastically. 

“If you think he is some pillar of purity or something, I’m glad you weren’t sharing a room with Steve when we were dating. We might have scarred you for life,” Bucky responded with his trademark smirk.

“I’m glad I’m not  _ your _ roommate,” Sam corrected, “Steve would never do anything more than just a peck with his friends watching.” Bucky snorted. 

“What are you guys up to?” Steve asked, quickly changing the subject. 

“We were just gonna study in the lounge, Sam forgot one of his textbooks here,” Riley explained. 

“Hmmm, wild night,” Bucky wiggled his eyebrows. 

“How did you ever date this man?” Sam questioned. Steve shrugged.

“Relatively easily,” Steve answered. 

“How?” Sam pressed.

“I’m rumored to be very charming,” Bucky supplied. 

“I think I’m gonna start spreading the opposite,” Sam grumbled. 

“Good luck with that, my reputation in Brooklyn is not easily shaken,” Bucky responded. Sam threw his hands in the air in exasperation.

“I give up,” he announced, going over and rummaging through his desk. 

“So, Stevie, is the next spot on my tour by any chance the lounge?” Bucky asked, turning towards him. Steve shrugged while he responded. 

“It can be if you want it to be.” 

“ _ Stevie? _ ” Riley asked, a grin forming on his face. Steve sighed.

“I gave up trying to stop him years ago,” he gave as an explanation. 

“You love it,” Bucky scoffed. 

“Alright, me and my boyfriend will now be going to the lounge to study. If you two happen to be going in the same direction, kindly sit on the other side so that I can actually study,” Sam announced before leaving, with Riley right behind him. 

“So, you got something I can help you study for?” Bucky asked. 

“Art history, tomorrow morning,” Steve answered. 

“Where’s the stuff?” Steve went over and grabbed his notes, textbook, and a sketchbook instead of answering him. Bucky smiled.

“To the lounge we go then,” Bucky said. 

The lounge, as it turned out, was very full. Everyone was grouped off, huddled in groups poured over notes or quizzing one another. The only empty seats were at the same table as Sam and Riley. Bucky did not hesitate before going over to them. 

“What did I say?” Sam asked, putting down his pencil and looking up at them. 

“Do you see other room?” Bucky responded, gesturing around the space before he sat down. Steve joined next to him with an apologetic smile. Bucky extended his hand and Steve wordlessly handed over his notes and textbook. 

“Your professor tell you what’s going on the final?” Bucky didn’t look up as he asked.

“It’s in the front pocket of my notebook,” Steve answered, opening up his sketchbook and putting his pencil to the paper. Bucky read the requirements and skimmed the notes Steve made on it. He had made a comprehensive study guide, a habit he picked up from doing this very thing in high school with Bucky. 

Bucky started asking questions, mostly going off the study guide, occasionally drawing from his notes. Steve answered them easily, falling into the familiar rhythm. He looked up whenever Bucky was asking him about a painting, but the rest of the time he was focused on his sketchbook. There was a persistent scratch of pencil on paper, but the noise blended in with every other person writing furiously around them. 

Although Sam and Riley were both working hard, they would sneak glances at the other two. They worked with an ease neither one of them had seen in Steve before. Bucky seemed relaxed too. Though, not that they had really seen him anything but. Any time Bucky or Steve noticed they would quickly look away. 

“One or two?” Bucky asked, which was very different from any of the other questions. It didn’t affect Steve, however.

“One,” he answered immediately. 

“You sure?”

“Yeah, memorization isn’t that hard. Also, I’ve done plenty of studying without you,” Steve replied. 

“Where are you then?” 

“Nose, but I’m almost done.”

“Okay, what are you guys talking about?” Sam interrupted. Steve stopped sketching. 

“What?” He asked dumbly, not having fully heard Sam. 

“Steve thinks better when he is doing something with his hands, namely sketching. One or two, how many portraits he is doing while we cover this subject, aka how long he feels he needs to study. He does a rough sketch first, but he has finished that a while ago. Then he shades, works his way down the features eyes, nose, mouth, cheeks, chin. Hair is last. It gives me a good sense of how much longer I have to ask questions, so it helps me prioritize,” Bucky explained, not looking up from where he was flipping through Steve’s notes. 

“Yeah that,” Steve said, going back to sketching. 

“In what era…” Bucky started to ask, but he was cut off by Sam. 

“You know how much longer it is going to be based on the pace of his sketching?” 

“Yeah, I mean he’s sketched me more times then I can count, I have a pretty good sense now,” Bucky shrugged it off. 

“How do you know he is sketching you? There are plenty of people here,” Riley added.

“He always draws me,” Bucky replied easily.

“Mouth,” Steve stated suddenly. 

“Is that you trying to tell me to be quiet?” Bucky teased. Steve rolled his eyes.

“In what era…” Bucky started again, only to be cut off again. 

“He doesn’t need you to stop moving your mouth?” Steve snorted at the question.

“I could draw his mouth in my sleep I’ve done it so many times,” he replied, eyes flicking up to glance at Bucky’s face before looking back down. Bucky smiled. 

“Yeah, I remember when you got obsessed with it that one summer, took so many pictures of my facial expressions ‘for reference’, to improve your knowledge of the human face or some shit like that,” Bucky air quoted. Steve blushed a bit, but was undeterred. 

“You have very interesting lips,” Steve muttered, turning redder once he realized what he said, “to draw,” he corrected hastily. 

“That excuse only worked before we started dating,” Bucky pointed out. Sam coughed a bit, just haven taken a sip of water, which he seemed to be regretting now.

“This is why I wanted you to sit on the other side of the room,” Sam said, pointing between the two of them. 

“We were just studying before you butted in,” Bucky retorted. 

“Fine, I’ll be quiet, if you will stop doing that,” Sam offered. 

"Scout's honor," Bucky said with a cheeky grin before turning back to Steve

“In what era…” Bucky started for the final time, finally being able to finish the question. Steve answered it easily. They fell back into the routine they were doing before, not stoping again until Steve announced he was done. 

“Let’s see it then,” Bucky requested, and Steve turned it around. Sam and Riley both looked up as he did so and gasped. 

“That is amazing!” Riley exclaimed. 

“Seriously Steve, I see why you got in,” Sam told him. Steve blushed under the praise. Bucky smiled proudly. 

“It’s beautiful, Stevie, as always,” Bucky said softly. 

“It’s you,” Steve stated simply. Bucky smiled at him before the two of them got up and headed back downstairs. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay so, long story short, I am currently in college (now online because of covid, and yes it is not a fun time) and thanksgiving break was the first (and only) break we have had all semester so my brain basically crashed and I couldn't do pretty much anything that week, thus the lack of a chapter. I am really sorry about that, and I am going to try and get chapter 10 up by Thursday, though I am still catching up so I'm not 100% sure that I will. I'm really going to try my hardest though! 
> 
> Thank you guess so much for hanging in with me, this is a joy to write and your comments and kudos make my day! And look, after nine chapters they have finally met in person! I can't believe I forgot to put the slow burn tag in there until like two weeks ago. Anyways, that's all for now! If you too are entering finals season, like I am soon and these boys are, then good luck!


	10. Christmas is Coming

After his final Bucky insisted that he come over and take Steve out to lunch before he packed up for the end of the semester. He didn’t have to take that much back to his mom’s apartment, just the clothes he would need really. It only took his backpack and a suitcase to bring everything he needed over.

Sarah only made a few slide comments towards Bucky before falling back into their old routine. He stayed for dinner as well before going back to his parents. Sarah had a brief line of questioning about Bucky being here, one that he answered mostly honestly, before she let him go. He didn’t have anywhere to go, instead just going back to his room and laying down, letting his mind rest after a week of non-stop studying and working. 

The next morning Bucky came back still in his pajamas. Steve had not changed yet either, having no real reason to as he had nothing planned for the day. The look on Bucky’s face said that his lack of plans was not changing. 

“You promised me a day of not doing anything, and as you said, you are a man of your word,” Bucky said as a greeting. 

“I am,” Steve agreed, stepping back to let Bucky in. 

“Alright then, to the bed we go,” Bucky announced, moving easily towards Steve’s bedroom. By the time Steve had locked up once again and made his way back, Bucky was already lying on his bed. 

“You really weren’t kidding, huh?” Steve commented as he joined Bucky. 

“I was not, you need a break,” Bucky told him, “You better stay here too, I was also not kidding about tying you down. Now, where is your laptop? We are watching Netflix all day.”

Steve wordlessly complied, letting Bucky pick what they would watch. He only lasted about an hour before he could feel himself falling asleep. As he was in his own bed, he figured he deserved to fall asleep if he wanted to. He didn’t force himself to stay away, letting the background noise of Netflix lull him to sleep. 

He woke up with his head rested on Bucky’s shoulder. Bucky hadn’t stopped him, instead encouraging as he had wrapped his arm around his shoulders so that he could thread his fingers through Steve’s hair. The movement was relaxing enough that he didn’t want to move despite the small amount of awkwardness he felt at the gesture. 

Ignoring the pang of guilt, he settled more comfortably against Bucky, pressing his face deeper into Bucky’s chest. Bucky stopped stroking his hair as he readjusted, but immediately started up again once he stopped moving. The movement felt unconscious, Bucky not moving or even acknowledging the shift. 

They managed to stay that way all day. Obviously they shifted positions, got up to use the bathroom or get food, but other than that they didn’t go anywhere. They both took a nap at some point, leaning against the other when they did so. They were rewatching a show, so they didn’t need to be paying much attention to understand what was going on. It was easily the most relaxed he had felt in months. 

He didn’t pay attention to the sun setting or the time passing, all that mattered was the screen in front of him and the man next to him. He texted Peggy for a bit in the middle, but she was busy getting caught up with all of her family and friends in England. He had just spent months with her, so he wasn’t too bothered when she had to go. He understood, spending time with the people around you while you could was important. 

Bucky ended up staying the night, something his mom raised her eyebrows at, but didn’t say anything about. He left the next morning after they had eaten breakfast. As his mom had Sunday off, he spent the day with her. They went to all their favorite Christmas shops, getting a good amount of their Christmas shopping done. He hadn’t talked with his mom in a while, a few short phone calls, but he lad let himself get swept up in college. He caught up on everything with Peggy and his new friends. She had a few questions about Bucky, but mostly kept it to his college life, for which he was thankful. 

His mom had waited for him to put up the decorations, so that is what they spent the rest of the day doing. They didn’t have a lot of them because they only had their apartment to decorate, but by the time they were done it looked a whole lot more like Christmas than when they started.

After Sunday Bucky came over every day. Steve’s mom was working some long hours so that she could get Christmas Eve and Christmas Day off, leaving the apartment empty except for the two of them most of the time. It was amazing how easily Bucky and Steve fell back into an easy rhythm like they always had. Steve had expected the awkwardness to last for longer, but it didn’t. They easily became  _ Steve and Bucky _ again, best friends. 

Christmas Eve came quickly. Steve had never prided himself in gift giving, but this year he thought he did okay. The big ones had always been in mom and Bucky, and somehow that had still not changed. He was doing a gift exchange with Peggy and the rest of his college friends when they got back for break, so he didn’t have to worry about them yet. 

As Christmas was going to be the day that Bucky spent with his own family, and Steve would be spending time with his mom, they decided to do a Christmas Eve gift exchange instead. He came over in the morning as they were making cookies. He was glad to help, and also happy to smear dough and various ingredients all over Steve’s face. 

His mom eventually gave up on the two of them once they got the cookies in the oven, leaving them to finish up (mostly so they would have to clean up the mess that they made). It, however, just spurred Bucky on, covering Steve’s face even more than he already did. 

“You are a complete jerk!” Steve exclaimed as Bucky dumped sprinkles on his head. Bucky was just cackling like a maniac. 

“I am going to get you back,” Steve swore. Bucky just grinned. Darting around him as Steve tried to throw flour at him. Steve reached out with his still flour-covered hand and dragged it all down the front of Bucky’s sweater. 

“I  _ like _ this sweater,” Bucky protested, but he was still smiling. 

“And I _ like _ my hair,” Steve countered, grabbing what was left of the stick of butter on the counter, now very room temperature, and smushed it on Bucky’s head. Bucky glared at him, taking the globs of butter out of his hair and throwing them at Steve’s shirt. Steve laughed as he attempted to dodge them, failing most of the time. 

“You really shouldn’t have started this,” Bucky growled, but Steve just kept laughing.

“You are actually the one who started it, I’m just finishing it,” Steve retorted, coughing as he got a face full of flour. 

“I’ll finish you.” Which would have sounded really threatening if Bucky didn’t have butter in his hair, flour all over his sweater and face, and various spices on his shoulders and head. Bucky essentially tried to tackle him, and he would have succeeded just last year. Now Steve braced for it, refusing to be taken down. Taking him down, however, did not seem to be Bucky’s intention. As soon as their bodies were against each other he began rubbing the various substances which were all over him onto Steve as well. 

He got his face covered in butter and Bucky’s hair, while some of his flour rubbed off into Bucky’s hair as well. Everything that was on their chests mixed together. Essentially, they both got much messier in the short time the Bucky was wrapped around him. Bucky pulled back and smirked, satisfied with the job he had done. Only then did they look around the kitchen to see the disaster around them.

“This is gonna be fun to clean up,” Steve said, noticing how there was hardly a clean spot on the counter. There was also quite a bit of stuff on the floor, and a bit sticking to the cabinets. Steve began to reach for the towels when his phone went off in his pocket. It was Peggy trying to FaceTime him. 

“Shit,” Steve muttered, trying to get everything off his hands so he was able to answer the phone. Bucky gave him a questioning look before he saw what was on the screen. 

“Hey, Peggy!” Steve said as he answered the phone, hoping she wouldn’t be able to tell the extent of the mess behind him and on him.

“Happy Christmas!” Peggy replied immediately before concern spread over her features, “Steve, are you quite alright?” Steve sighed. 

“I’m fine, we were just baking cookies,” he explained. She looked at him quizzically.

“Were you a part of the dough?” Steve rolled his eyes at her.

“I was not, until Bucky decided I was,” Steve said, with a glare in Bucky’s direction, who just smiled at him. 

“So he is just there to get you into trouble then,” Peggy stated. That is when Bucky cut in, face appearing on the screen behind Steve’s shoulder. 

“Actually, for most of the time I have known him, I was getting him out of trouble. I call this payback.” 

“You must be Bucky,” Peggy said, a hint of coolness to her voice. Steve decided to look past that, Bucky was his ex after all. 

“That’s me. I’ve been trying to convince Stevie to introduce us since you started going out, so I’m glad I finally get to meet you,” Bucky replied, with every ounce of politeness his parents instilled in him as a kid. 

“The feeling is mutual,” Peggy had a tight smile, “though he was so insistent about meeting in person.” Bucky laughed.

“That worked out just great,” Bucky was all sarcasm, “I feel bad though, we must have just missed each other’s flights. I got in the same day as you.

“Oh really? When did your flight get in?” 

“Just around 8:30.” 

“We really did then, mine took off around then, though we started boarding like an hour earlier.” 

“And knowing Steve, that meant you got to the airport at like 5, right?” Peggy laughed at that, though it was a bit forced. 

“We did,” she answered. Suddenly Bucky had a realization, looking at Steve. 

“Did you wait in the airport all that time? For three and a half hours” He asked him. Steve blushed in response, clearing his throat. Peggy raised her eyebrows. 

“You waited in the airport?” She questioned. 

“I was just studying, I can do that anywhere,” Steve defended. Peggy didn’t seem entirely convinced. 

“Well, I’m gonna clean up this mess if you want to go and talk to her somewhere else,” Bucky offered, taking the towel from Steve’s hand. 

“Yeah, thanks Buck, I’ll be out to help in a bit,” Steve responded, walking out of the kitchen and into his bedroom. 

“How’s England?” He asked once the door was closed, plugging in his headphones so he wouldn’t disturb his mom in the next room over. The conversation was focused on her for most of the time, talking about all her different family traditions and what she had been up to so far. Steve’s holiday traditions really just involved him and his mom, so it wasn’t as interesting as hearing about Peggy’s huge family and the ways they all got together. He had also never been outside of the country, so he was fascinated to hear how the traditions differentiated because of that. 

He talked a bit about what he and Bucky had been doing all week, mostly just watching Christmas movies and playing their old childhood video games attempting to settle the never-ending debate of who was actually better at them. Becca also came over a few times to challenge both of them. Even though it was all in the festive spirit, they did get quite competitive. 

He was in the middle of describing their most recent Mario kart tournament when Peggy interrupted him. 

“Did you really wait in the airport for three and a half hours?” Steve was a bit shocked at the question as it was completely off topic. He had the answer ready to go anyways. 

“Yes.”

“You still love him, don’t you?”

“Of course, he’s my best friend, he always will be.” Peggy actually rolled her eyes at him. 

“You were dating him for two years, do you even remember what it is like to love him as only a friend?” 

“We were just friends for longer than we were dating,” Steve pointed out.

“That doesn’t answer the question.” Steve closed his eyes at that. This is certainly not where he saw this conversation going, and he honestly wasn’t sure how to answer that.

“I don’t know,” he eventually replied. 

“But you still love him.” 

“Peggy…” he started, but stopped when he saw her head turn to the side, looking like she was listening to someone else. She was quiet for a moment before turning back to him. 

“I gotta go,” she said quickly, “Bye Steve.”

“Bye Peggy, Merry Christmas,” Steve replied, not really wanting to end this conversation right now, but understanding. It was the holidays after all. She gave him a forced smile before hanging up. 

Steve didn’t really know where to go from here. He was standing alone in his room, not wanting to sit down because he was covered in baking ingredients. Eventually deciding to take a shower, he grabbed a few clean clothes and went to the bathroom. Careful not to get stuff everywhere, he wrapped his dirty clothes in a towel before getting under the stream of water. He was as quick as he could be, making sure he got everything off his skin and out of his hair before exiting. 

Despite toweling off, his hair was still damp when he made his way back into the kitchen. Bucky was just finishing up in the kitchen, you couldn’t even tell what had happened before. When he saw Steve he smiled.

“Thank you for this,” Steve said, motioning around the kitchen. Bucky just shrugged.

“You don’t gotta thank me.”

“I left some clothes in the bathroom if you want to shower too,” Steve told him. Bucky nodded, throwing out the towel before heading out, “And put your clothes with mine on the towel, I’ll wash them too.” Bucky nodded again as he continued walking towards the bathroom. 

Steve finished up the few places left to clean as Bucky washed himself off. He also saw that Bucky took the cookies out of the oven, so he moved them to a cooling rack before washing off the tray they were on. He was sitting on the couch with a plate of the cookies when Bucky came out. He grabbed a cookie off the plate and sat down next to him. Sarah was out soon after him.

“I take it, everything is cleaned up now?” She said, hands on her hips.

“Yep, and the cookies are ready,” Bucky replied cheerfully. Sarah sighed, but walked into the kitchen to grab one. 

“These are good,” she called from the kitchen, only needing to raise her voice slightly in the small space. 

“I mean, we did follow the recipe,” Steve pointed out. 

“Are you guys gonna do gifts now or are you waiting?” She asked. 

“We can do it now,” Bucky replied with a shrug. He got up and headed to the door, where he had dropped his gifts before coming in. Steve retreated to his bedroom, grabbing the present he had for Bucky. He could admit he was nervous, not quite sure what Bucky’s reaction to his gift was going to be. 

Sarah and Bucky were exchanging gives when Steve came back out of his room carrying the carefully wrapped tube in one hand. They both looked up at him, waiting until he was seated once more to begin opening them. 

“You know Bucky, I wasn’t really expecting you to get me anything,” Sarah told him as she began taking the tissue paper out of the bag to reveal a travel mug, something she could never get enough of. Not only did she use them all the time, she had taken to getting one every knew place she went. Having never been to LA, however, she did not yet have one from there. Until now. She smiled at him.

“Thank you, honey.” Bucky gave her a smile in return before opening the box she had given him. Inside was a maroon sweater, a color that Bucky admittedly looked amazing in. He held it up to his chest, grinning. 

“This is just my style,” he commented. Sarah nodded.

“That is what I thought as soon as I saw it.”

“Alright, you ready Steve?” Bucky asked, picking up a gift Steve could only assume was for him. He shook his head, instead extending his own gift towards him. Bucky raised his eyebrows, but put down the gift he was holding and took the one Steve was giving him. He tentatively unwrapped it and opened the tube, pulling out the rolled up paper inside. His eyes went wide when he saw what it was. Steve blushed and looked down, not quite able to take the look on Bucky’s face.

It was a print of one of his assignments from his digital art class. It had ten different frames, all of the same specific view of Camp Orion. The first was just his original sketch, and the remaining nine were all digitally put together and colored, showing the time progression through 24 hours in that one spot. 

“It was one of my first assignments, just to get us familiar with the software and the printer. I figured if anyone would appreciate it, it would be you. And your dorm walls did seem pretty empty,” Steve explained. Bucky looked up from examining each frame to meet his gaze. 

“Stevie, I love it,” he said softly. Steve smiled at him, blushing yet again. 

“Can I see?” Sarah asked, and Bucky turned the print around wordlessly. Sarah gasped at it.

“That’s beautiful,” she whispered. 

“It really is,” Bucky agreed, “I would gladly hang this in my dorm room.”

“I’m glad,” Steve replied looking down. Bucky chuckled. 

“I mean, I don’t think that I can top that, but here you go,” he said, handing Steve the last unopened gift. Inside was a sketchbook and some charcoals, which in itself was something that Steve could always use, but wasn’t necessarily the more sentimental gift. However, then he saw the logo stamped on the side of everything, LACMA. 

Steve remembered back over the summer when he was talking about going out to visit Bucky in LA, before they broke up. Bucky had asked him where he would want to go first, and his answer had immediately been LACMA, the modern art museum in Los Angeles. He had been to art museums plenty of times, living in New York City his whole life, but he had just done a project on an artist who was currently showing there, peaking his interest. Also, he just loved art museums, jumping at any opportunity to go to a new one. 

“You remembered,” he muttered, that phase being the first thing that came to his head.

“Of course I remembered,” Bucky responded.

“Thank you,” Steve said looking up at Bucky smiling at him. He put down the gift and stood up, pulling Bucky into his arms. It was strangely familiar to have Bucky smelling like his body wash. It used to happen all the time last year, when Bucky would just end up staying over randomly, not having anything with him. After Thanksgiving he just had a drawer of clothes in Steve’s room, and even before that he had a toothbrush at their place. He had never wanted to bring over body wash or shampoo or anything.

That whole year it seemed that Bucky stayed at Steve’s more than he did his own room at his parents. He practically lived with them, which meant he pretty much always smelled like Steve after a shower. The only distinction was the product he used in his hair, which he also had a jar of in Steve’s bathroom. Of course, he did have his own cologne as well, which he also brought over. Inexplicably, now the scent calmed him. 

Bucky must have found the old jar he kept in the bathroom, because the product was clearly in his hair. He smelled like he always did back then, and it made his heart do just a bit of a flip. Not a big one, not big enough to warrant further thought. At least that is what he told himself. 

The three of them sat down and watched a Christmas movie, eating more cookies and a few leftovers for dinner. It wasn’t the healthiest, but it was Christmas Eve, so he didn’t need to think about that. He caught himself looking at Bucky a few times, but not enough times that he had to think about. At least that is what he told himself. 

After the movie was over Bucky announced that he was going to go home. Steve walked him to the door, hugging him briefly before stepping back. Bucky was holding all of his gifts, so he only had one free to return the hug, but he somehow made it work despite the awkwardness. 

“Goodnight Stevie, Merry Christmas,” he said as he stepped out of the doorway.

“Merry Christmas, Buck,” Steve returned with a small smile. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you guys so much for your support on my last chapter, it really means the world to me! And I did manage to get this one up, so let's go!


	11. Welcome to the New Year

The week after Christmas was pretty uneventful, pretty much the same as the week leading up to Christmas. He, Bucky and Becca all went ice skating, where Becca completely outdid both of them. Steve spent most of the time clinging to either Bucky or Becca or both, as it had been a while since he had been ice skating and he fell down multiple times. 

He also had to continue his Christmas shopping for all of his college friends. It was actually really nice to shop during all of the post-Christmas sales, making everything cheaper. Becca was very helpful in finding stuff for Peggy, not that he didn’t have any idea what to get her, it was just always good to have a second opinion. Bucky helped him with Natasha’s present, something he desperately needed because he had no idea what to get her. 

By New Years Eve, however, he had finished all of his shopping. His mom was gearing up for the New Year’s Eve party that she was throwing. It was mostly just their neighbors, and Steve wasn’t going to be around for most of it, but he still wanted to help. They spend a good part of the day putting up decorations and making various snacking foods that went well with copious amounts of alcohol for toasts. 

He stayed for a bit, saying hi to all the guests as they arrived. Each of them wanted to hear about college, so he had the same conversation about ten times. He always had a drink in his hand, much like everyone else at the party. He paced himself however, not wanting to be more than tipsy before he had to ride the subway over to Bucky’s. By the time 10 rolled around the party had been in full swing for two hours, so he told his mom he was heading out and rode straight to Bucky’s.

Traveling on the subway on a night where people are inevitably going to get very drunk or are already very drunk is an interesting experience. Steve never quite knew what to expect. This time once the doors opened he was immediately greeted by a man standing on the seats singing Feliz Navidad while wearing an extremely shiny fedora. No one else in the car seemed to even be acknowledging it other than his friends, which, in Steve's opinion, was really the only option. 

Unfortunately they were on the train as long as Steve was, so he listened to the refrain of Feliz Navidad on repeat for five minutes. As soon as he could he got off, walking briskly to get away from the singing and up to Bucky’s apartment instead.

The party here had also clearly been going on for a while. There were less people though, so everyone had considerably more to drink. Not only was everyone talking louder, but Bucky answered the door and immediately draped himself all over Steve, in a move that could be considered a hug. 

Becca had some of her friends over, and as they were incidentally the children of Bucky’s parent’s friends, they were all drinking as well. Though they all were being reasonable, as they were under supervision. The same could not be said for the adults doing the supervising, however. And apparently Bucky. Bucky was very far from sober.

“I’m so glad you are here,” Bucky said, still completely covering Steve. Steve maneuvered them both backwards so he could close and lock the door behind them. Bucky pulled back a little, but his hands were gripping Steve’s biceps. 

“I invited Nat, but she said she was over at her boyfriend’s. Did you know Nat had a boyfriend? I didn’t. I’m offended she didn’t tell me, she was the first to hear about you, you know,” Bucky started rambling, occasionally leaning a bit, using Steve to keep himself steady. Steve was very glad that he was just tipsy, as he would be able to take care of him. 

“I didn’t know that they had put a label on it,” Steve responded truthfully, choosing to sear the conversation away from their past. 

“Steve!” He heard from around the room. Steve turned to see Becca and her friends waving at him. He freed one hand and waved back, starting to maneuver Bucky towards them. 

“Hey guys, how’s it going?” He asked once he was within earshot, taking the tv playing in the background into account. They all seemed to be playing a game, and given the giggling coming from over there for most of the time he had been there, it was at least somewhat amusing. 

“Well, our parents are completely gone, they were talking about playing garage band,” Becca told him. Steve smirked, none of the parents were particularly good singers, so them screaming drunkenly into the mic was rather hilarious to watch. “We have just been having a rather competitive game night.”

“Which Becca is losing,” one of her friends piped up.

“Shut up,” she snapped back, “Bucky was playing with us for a while, but then he got to the point where he just started poking me repeatedly at around his eight drink, and I banned him to the couch.”

“That was mean,” Bucky pouted.

“Do you know how much he’s had?” Steve asked.

“After he sat on the couch about thirty minutes ago I stopped keeping track,” Becca answered. Steve sighed. 

“I would love to play with you guys, but I think I am going to take him somewhere in which he can’t do any more damage.”

“Thank you,” Becca called after him as he started to walk Bucky into his room. He wasn’t sure what he was expecting to see when he swung open the door, but it definitely wasn’t what he saw. The room was filled with boxes, some open and some not, that looked like they had all been shipped recently. Steve’s brow furrowed, was Bucky moving somewhere? Now was probably not the time to ask that question.

Luckily his bed was not covered in anything. It was unmade, but that was expected. It had been a long time since either of them had made their bed in preparation for the other. Steve deposited Bucky on it and left briefly to grab some water and a drink for himself. He might not be planning on getting drunk, but he certainly wanted to keep up his buzz. 

Bucky was just sitting up against his headboard staring at the door when Steve walked in. He smiled when he saw Steve, reaching out for the glass containing the alcohol. 

“Come on Bucky, you know that one is not for you,” Steve said rolling his eyes. Bucky just grinned at him, accepting the glass of water.

“I figured as much,” he replied, taking a sip, “So, you have me drunk, any glaring question you want to ask me?” Bucky quirked his eyebrows

“I did not get you drunk, I would like you point out, you did that to yourself,” Steve responded, moving to sit down at the edge of the bed. Bucky rolled his eyes at the gesture, putting the glass of water on his nightstand. 

“You can come sit next to me, I’ll only bite if you ask,” Bucky promised, sounding kind of half asleep, scooting aside so there was more room on the bed, “Don’t worry, I’m kidding, I know you have a girlfriend.” Steve narrowed his eyes slightly at Bucky, but did as he suggested. 

“Do you know what Nat said?” Bucky asked, he works stringing together slightly. 

“That you are an idiot?” Steve guessed, only slightly teasing.

“No she said that the other time, after we broke up. That’s not what she said this time. Well maybe she did, I actually don’t remember completely. I was -”

“Bucky, what did Nat say?” Steve attempted to keep him on topic, generally a hard job when he was like this. 

“Oh yeah, she said that I get clingy and annoying when I am drunk. That is why she didn’t want to come.”

“I thought she was with Clint?”

“Well that too. She said she was going over to Clint’s, but that it was nice to finally have an excuse to get away from me being all clingy and annoying.”

“You definitely get clingy, and I don’t think there is such a thing as a perfectly pleasant person when they are drunk, but I wouldn’t go as far as to say you are annoying. I always used to think that you were cute.”

“Used to?” Steve figured it was supposed to sound joking, but that tone fell a bit flat. There was a bit too much truth in his mock-pout. 

“You’re still cute Buck, it’s just not really my pace to call you that anymore.”

“Oh, right.” He didn’t even try to hide his disappointment that time. That is what Steve really didn’t understand. Of course it was natural for Bucky to be broken up about them, but if he knew it would hurt both of them so much why would he do it? 

_ “What do you mean?” Steve refused to cry, not right now. _

_ “I’m sorry, Steve, I am so sorry,” Bucky seemed like he was on the edge of crying himself.  _

_ “Don’t be fucking sorry, explain yourself!” Steve demanded. That is when the tears started falling from Bucky’s eyes.  _

_ “I just don’t think trying to do long distance is a good idea,” Bucky excused lamely. _

_ “Like fuck you don’t, you’ve never mentioned this being a problem before,” Steve couldn’t remember the last time he had been this upset at Bucky, he didn’t know if he ever had.  _

_ “I’ve just thought about it more recently,” Bucky told him.  _

_ “What? You want your options to be open in LA? Can’t go three months without fucking someone? You afraid you're gonna get drunk and cheat on me? What is it Bucky?” Steve yelled.  _

_ “God, none of that. You are it for me Steve, you always have been, it’s really just the distance,” Bucky repeated. _

_ “Then why?” Steve’s voice was breaking. He assumed Bucky couldn’t stand to see him like this, knowing he was causing it was even worse, as he clenched his fists to keep them at his side. It looked like his arms started to hurt with the force he needed to use to keep them at his side.  _

_ “Baby,” Bucky froze as soon as the endearment crossed his lips, but he pressed on, “It is nothing you did, I promise…” _

_ “What, the whole it’s not me it's you? Are you really pulling that Barnes?” Steve snapped.  _

_ “Steve, I don’t know what else to say,” Bucky’s voice broke. _

_ “The truth, you idiot,” Steve sobbed, and that was clearly too much for Bucky. He ran forward, holding Steve in his arms as tight as he could. Bucky expected to be punched, considering Steve’s usual instincts, but instead he just melted into his arms. Like he always did. Bucky’s own face was soaking wet now.  _

_ “I love you so much, Stevie, that’s the truth. It might be the only truth I know,” Bucky murmured into Steve.  _

_ “I love you too, you fucking jerk,” Steve said back, “I just don’t understand.” _

_ “I know, Stevie, I know,” Bucky began swaying the two. They stood there for a few minutes. Slowly Steve’s sobs got less loud, though the stream of tears never stopped. _

_ “I mean a relationship goes two ways, so if that is what you think, then I guess it is what we are going to have to do,” Steve sniffled. _

_ “I am so sorry. So so sorry,” Bucky replied. It was a long while before either was able to talk again.  _

_ “You said it wasn’t anything I did, right?” Steve asked, looking Bucky in the eye as he did so.  _

_ “God, Steve, no. It could never be anything you did,” Bucky replied instantly. Steve shook with fear, anger, sadness, confusion, but he still wanted Bucky. He still wanted him to hold him and tell him everything was going to be okay, even if it wasn’t. He wanted his boyfriend, even if it was just for one more night. He still had one night with Bucky. He intended on making it count, even if it was the last one they ever got.  _

_ “Then tonight pretend nothing has changed, give me a real goodbye,” Steve demanded. Bucky began crying more, but pulled him tight into him again, so there was no real room between them.  _

_ “Of course, I would give you anything,” Bucky whispered against his neck. He pulled back just enough to kiss him. _

_ When their lips met a fresh wave of tears fell down Steve’s cheeks. Both their faces were wet, sliding together when they met. Bucky kissed him with desperation, and Steve returned them with just as much passion. Steve could feel himself being backed into a wall and he went willingly, their lips only parting for a second. The wall was cold, but Bucky’s hands running over every part of his body was warm.  _

_ “Let’s move to your room,” Bucky muttered against Steve’s lips just as Steve’s legs started to feel like they were going to give out. They separated just enough to make it to his room, and as soon as they did they started shedding clothes. Bucky finished first, sitting up against the headboard. Steve followed him and straddled his legs before joining their lips once more. Bucky’s hands gripped his waist so hard he was sure it would bruise, but Steve didn’t care. He wanted to remember, memorize the feeling of Bucky’s grip, because he may never feel it again. But he wasn’t thinking about that right now, all that mattered now was Bucky’s hands, and his lips moving across his jaw and down his neck. _

_ Bucky picked a spot and started to suck, nipping with his teeth and soothing with his tongue. Steve tilted his head back at the action, closing his eyes, and putting more pressure into his ass and thighs that were pressed against Bucky. Bucky groaned but didn’t stop, leaving a mark that would last for a week.  _

_ “God, Stevie, I’m never gonna see anyone as beautiful as you,” Bucky told him when he pulled back. Steve blinked his eyes open and looked down at Bucky. He must have seen the doubt in them, because before Steve could get a word out Bucky was talking again. _

_ “It’s true, baby, I’ll tell you over and over until you believe it,” Bucky said, and Steve felt his heart sink. No he wouldn’t, Bucky just told him as much a few minutes ago. He couldn’t stand hearing any more of that so he leaned down and kissed his lips again. Bucky hummed in response.  _

_ The night was filled with tears, desperation, soft touches, rough movements, and love. So much love. Bucky couldn’t seem to stop saying it, I love you. He repeated it many times and many ways, both with words and actions. He eventually stopped saying Steve completely, it was all Stevie, baby, and sweetheart. Each one made Steve start crying again, but he never wanted Bucky to stop. He said Bucky’s name like it was a prayer, like it was the only thing worth saying.  _

_ Bucky said it one last time, they were lying under the thin sheet on Steve’s bed, their legs tangled together. Steve’s head was tucked under his chin, the way they had learned to hold each other when Steve was still shorter. Bucky had his arm around Steve and was tracing patterns on his back. Steve’s hand rested on Bucky’s heart, the beating calming him down no matter how fast it was.  _

_ “I’m always gonna love you more than anything else, please remember that. Nothing will ever change that, Stevie, nothing ever could,” Bucky said into his hair. Steve didn’t want to ruin the moment by asking why he was breaking up with him again. He just wanted to lie in the comfort of Bucky’s arms. The place where he felt more safe than anywhere in the world. _

_ “I love you too, Bucky. I love you so much I sometimes think I was born to love you,” Steve replied. He felt dampness in his hair, undoubtedly from Bucky’s tears, but he didn’t say anything. Bucky planted one final kiss on Steve’s head, and he fell asleep with Bucky safely under him, calming him by running his hand around his back.  _

_ When Steve woke up Bucky was gone. There was no note, no sign he had ever been there in the first place, like Steve was some one-night stand Bucky would never contact again. Steve never thought he would be in this situation, so for a second he let himself wonder if it had actually happened, but the headache Steve had and the dried tears on his face told him it was real.  _

“Why did you do it?” Steve asked, similar to his words from that night. That was probably one of the worst parts of their breakup, he never knew why. He had always wondered, even if the answer was that Bucky just fell out of love or wanted to see someone knew. He just wanted to know. 

Steve was expecting some kind of clarifying question, as it really was quite a vague was to ask. Bucky, however, seemed to know exactly what he was talking about. He closed his eyes, leaning his head back against the headboard. It was like he was expecting this, that all night he had just been waiting for that question. 

“Do you really want to go into this, Stevie?” Bucky responded, his position unchanged. 

“Yes, I have to know,” Steve replied instantly. Bucky just sighed, but began to talk.

“Do you remember when we watched Lord of the Rings over the summer?” 

“You are gonna have to be more specific than that.”

“It was the summer before college, we were talking about Arwin and Aragorn’s relationship.”

“I remember that.”

“Well, you were talking about how you would do the same for me, that you would never know what you were missing out on or something like that.”

“Buck -” Steve tried to protest, but was cut off.

“I know it was a joke. I knew it was then too, but for some reason I couldn’t get it out of my head. Over the next few weeks I just kept hearing it over and over. And it was true, I was your first everything. You wouldn’t know what you were missing. And then we only had two months or so before I was heading to LA. Growing up my parents always hounded me about college, how it was so important as it was the first time you were independent. It was a time for fucking up and finding yourself. I felt like I would be holding you back from that. I didn’t want you to resent me for keeping you from those experiences.”

“God, Bucky, I wouldn’t have resented you, that is ridiculous!”

“You don’t know that. But that’s not all either. I was just imagining that even if you didn’t, and we managed to stay together all through college, move in together, get married, you might start to wonder. If I was your one and only, what if you wanted to see what it was like with someone else? What if I started boring you? What if you grew to hate me for forcing you into a long distance relationship for all of your experimental years?”

“And you didn’t think to talk to me about this?” Steve felt his voice raising, he didn’t care.

“I did, I thought about it, but I knew what you would say. You would say that it was a load of bullshit, and that I shouldn’t worry.” Bucky’s voice also loudened, moving to meet Steve’s.

“You’re damn right I would have.”

“But what would you know? You didn’t have the experience, how could you say you would never resent me for that? You don’t know what the future will hold.”

“Neither do you! Don’t you think that I should have a say in my own future?”

“You should do whatever you want with your future!”

“What if the future I wanted was you?” Steve yelled, tears in his eyes yet again. Bucky inhaled sharply. Steve glared at him as he watched Bucky try to collect his thoughts.

“Can’t you just admit you thought about what it would be like to be with other people?” Bucky asked softly after a moment.

“Fine, yes I did, but I didn’t say anything about it because it wasn’t what I really wanted. I would have been perfectly happy with you and only you,” Steve answered, his voice lowering in volume again.

“How did you know that?”

“I don’t know, I just did. I was in love with you, not anyone else. Why can’t you just admit it was you trying to protect me like you always do? Thinking I’m incapable of making up my own mind and having my own decisions? Because it was either that or you didn’t love me anymore.”

“You know I loved you, always did, always will.”

“So you admit it? You were just trying to protect me when I didn’t need it? Making both you and me miserable in the process.”

“God, no, I wish that was the case. We got through plenty of arguments about me being overprotective.”

“So you weren’t just being overprotective? Treating me like a child to be coddled?”

“Fuck, Stevie, no! I was being selfish! You want to know exactly what I thought? I thought you would go to college and everyone would see what I saw. Everyone would see how amazing you are. People would flirt with you and you would turn them all down to be with me. And we would be happy, all through college long distance would be rough but we would get through it. After college we would get an apartment together, and we would probably have a good few years. Maybe even get married. But as time went on you would wonder, having only been with me your whole life that curiosity would grow to resentment for me taking all those prime dating years of your life. That resentment would chip away in our relationship. Then you would ask to end it or I would think you were better off without me and I would leave you. So no matter how it ended, it would end in pain and heartbreak, and all those years would just make it worse. At least here we would get over it eventually, and we could be friends again. I would stay in your life this way. I thought I could deal with this pain, but not that pain.”

Bucky was panting, having only briefly stopped to breathe a few times during the whole speech. Steve stared at him in shock, not quite able to process what he just heard. All of the ways he had thought about this going, this was never one of them. He could never have imagined this. Nothing he imagined could prepare him for this. 

“You are the stupidest fucking man I have ever met James Buchanan Barnes, because you felt like forever for me too. I meant every word I said back then. Sure I was curious, but why the hell would I want to start over with someone new? You were good enough at everything, that I am sure I wouldn’t have gotten bored. I hadn’t gone a few days without talking to you in years. Why would I want anyone else? You were everything I ever wanted. I never cared about what everyone saw in me, just you. And you did the one of the only things that would break me. You made me live life without the one person who I always trusted completely. The one person who had always seen me, always knew me. And I hated you for that.” 

Steve didn’t even try to hold back the tears streaming down his face, he didn’t think he could even if he tried. Bucky was crying too, unrestrained. Their hands remanded firmly at their sides, even if they were bunched up in the blankets. 

“Do you have any idea how much I hated myself for what I did to you?” Bucky’s voice was barely a whisper, “I regretted it instantly, but I kept telling myself it was for the best. Leaving you that morning was the hardest thing I ever had to do.”

“God, Buck, I mean you were talking about moving in, getting married. That would have been far in the future, you didn’t even give us a chance to get there.”

“I know.” 

“It was such a big decision, I can’t believe you didn’t just talk to me about it.”

“I know, I’m sorry. I really am, and if I could redo it I would. But I don’t know if it would have even changed anything. I wasn’t in a good place. I was just waiting for you to regret it and break up with me. That’s a terrible way to be in any relationship, much less a long distance one. I would have been overly jealous and paranoid. So no matter how much I regret how it happened, I don’t regret it happening. I never want to become that person, Steve. I have always trusted you, I still do, and I never wanted to get to a point where my mind convinced me not to.”

“I wish you told me, I could have helped.”

“I wish I told you too. But I also think that it needed it to happen, no matter how much I hated myself for hurting you. I needed a break, and I think it would have broken me to tell you that then. I still should have, but I was just scared. I don’t even think I truly realized what was really happening until it already happened.”

“No matter how mad I am, I do understand. I would have tried to convince you to stay, back then. I wouldn’t have understood then. I’m not saying I agree with all your methods, but I understand.”

“Thank you,” Bucky exhaled. He reached for his water, taking a few gulps before setting it back down. The silence stretched out. Steve could hear the television from the living room, muffled through the walls. Becca and her friends broke out into a round of laughter. 

“Thank you, for telling me,” Steve eventually broke the silence. Bucky scoffed.

“Don’t thank me, I should have done it a long time ago,” he replied shortly. There were a few more long moments of silence before Bucky spoke.

“Do you want me to walk you out?” 

“Why?” Steve was a bit bewildered.

“I figured you don’t really want to spend the start of the new year in my room, especially after all that.”

“Bucky, we’re still friends. I’m not going to leave, I just need to decompress a bit.” Bucky snorted at that.

“Yeah, I think I do too. That was a lot.” Steve hummed in agreement. 

“I’m gonna go to the bathroom,” Bucky said after a few seconds. Steve nodded, watching him leave. After the door shut behind him Steve slumped down. He was shaking a bit, a minor adrenaline crash. He hadn’t done any exercise, but his heart was beating like he just ran a marathon. Everything he felt was overwhelming. His mind was blank, he was just feeling. He did some deep breathing, trying to calm himself. It was not a quick process, but slowly his breathing began to stabilize. 

It was a while before Bucky came back, easily over fifteen or even twenty minutes. Steve was thankful for the time. He needed to process everything, and it was kind of hard to do that with Bucky still in the room. He knew Bucky knew that, and that is why he was staying out. Though part of it also had to be Bucky needing the same thing. That hadn’t been easy for either of them.

When Bucky did reappear, however, he was holding two Champagne flutes, a small smile on his face. He kicked the door behind him shut, but there was no other noise so he could still hear the tv softly. 

“We only have a few minutes,” Bucky said, giving one of the flutes to Steve. Bucky didn’t move to directly sit next to Steve like he had been earlier. Instead, he was at the edge of the bed, to the side of Steve’s outstretched thighs. 

“You can come sit next to me, I’ll only bite if you ask,” Steve quoted Bucky from earlier. Bucky chuckled lightly. In the other room everyone started counting down loudly.

“You should save that line for your girlfriend,” he replied over the shouting. Steve was becoming painfully obvious to the fact that last year at this time he had kissed Bucky once the clock struck 12.

“3, 2, 1! Happy New Year!” Came from the other room. Bucky leaned in, pressing a chaste kiss on his cheek. 

“Happy New Year, Stevie,” he said quietly as he clinked their glasses together before taking a sip. 

“Happy New Year, Buck,” Steve returned, before taking a sip himself. 

——————————

When Steve woke up he was still in Bucky’s bed, Bucky fast asleep next to him. This was not in the least bit unusual, as Bucky had always been a late sleeper when given the opportunity, and since he started getting up at like 5 or 6 every morning to go to the gym, he found it had to sleep past 8 o’clock, even when he had been up til like 3 the night before. 

Looking around the room in the daytime was a different experience. He really noticed the boxes that he had ignored last night. There were a lot more of them than he remembered seeing. He shifted a bit in the bed, trying to roll over to get out of bed without waking up Bucky. He was mostly successful, Bucky only stirred a little as he left the bed. 

He quickly ran out to use the bathroom and brush his teeth. No one else in the apartment was awake. He didn’t know how many people stayed over, but he didn’t run into a single one of them. He carefully shut the door to Bucky’s room as he re-entered. He looked around to see the boxes once again. All of them were from LA to be shipped here. The few that were open, he looked in, each carrying objects which would not be uncommon in a dorm room, but that he would have no reason to send back for break.

“Wha’ time’s it?” Bucky asked with a yawn, startling Steve. He turned around as he looked at his phone. 

“It’s like 8:20,” he replied. Bucky groaned and pressed his face into the pillow he was laying on, making a statement very muffled by his position. 

“What was that?” Steve questioned, moving a bit closer. Bucky turned his head on the pillow so he was facing Steve while still lying down. His eyes were closed. 

“How’re you awake?” Steve chuckled.

“You can go back to sleep,” he responded. 

“’s not what I asked,” Bucky slurred, still very much half asleep. 

“Body’s just used to getting up now,” Steve said with a shrug. Bucky groaned again. 

“Weirdo,” he muttered before turning his face into his pillow. Steve laughed quietly. Bucky shook his head a few times before lifting it up, blinking at Steve. 

“Suppose you want food.” It wasn’t really a question, but Steve nodded. Bucky started to get up, but Steve put out a hand to stop him. 

“I know where everything is, I can get it.” And as to leave no room for argument he left Bucky’s room once again. He just quickly grabbed two bowls of cereal before re-entering. Bucky was pretty much still in the same position, still waking himself up.

“I figured you wouldn’t want coffee so you can go back to sleep after I leave,” Steve told him and he handed him the bowl. Bucky hummed in agreement before taking a bite. Steve sat on the other end of the bed. 

“Is it too early in the morning to ask about the boxes?” Steve questioned after a few moments. Bucky sighed, but shook his head. 

“I’m moving back to New York,” Bucky looked slightly thoughtful, “Well, I guess I already did,” he amended. 

“What?” Steve felt as though the breath had been knocked out of him. 

“I’m transferring to NYU,” Bucky stated, and Steve’s jaw dropped. 

“Why? What about LA?” Steve’s mind was so flooded with questions. 

“I mean, the reason I was going was to figure out if I wanted to live out there. After one month I was completely questioning my decision, but I thought it was just the adjustment period. Then the feeling just got worse. I wasn’t excited to go to any of my classes, I didn’t really get close to anyone. The culture of my school and method of teaching in my classes just wasn’t the best for me, I knew I could be doing better somewhere else. I kept thinking about New York and how much I missed it. I never really fit in or adapted to the differences in lifestyle and attitude in California. I don’t really know how to describe it, but it was more different than I was expecting. Then it hit me that I could leave, so I applied to a few colleges on the east coast, and NYU was the best one I got into.”

“When did you decide this?”

“I applied in mid October, found out I got accepted a few weeks ago. I didn’t know how to tell you.” Bucky was intensely staring into his bowl of cereal, as he had been doing for this entire conversation. Steve was speechless. 

“Were you planning on telling me at all? I mean I go to NYU.”

“I know, believe me I know. It actually made the decision harder, cause I figured you wouldn’t want me to be at the same school as me,” Bucky chuckled, “Actually, it was the last one I applied to because of that. But it’s close to home and has a good mechanical engineering program. Plus, I didn’t get into Columbia, but I knew that was a stretch. And I figured if you really didn’t want to see me, the school is big enough that we could avoid each other.” 

“God, Buck, why didn’t you tell me about this?” 

“Because people generally don’t go around telling their ex-boyfriends that they are miserable and hate their school. Especially when that ex-boyfriend is nice and caring and looks like they are finally happy for the first time after you broke him. I couldn’t put that on you, Steve.” Bucky was still looking down, refusing to meet his eye, so Steve got off the bed to stand it in front of him, tapping under his chin to make Bucky look up at him. Steve gazed down at him, his face filled with determination. 

“Yeah, well, we aren’t like most exes. Because we are still friends, and I would still want you to tell me when you are miserable. Especially with this, because I could have told you that I would love to have you at the same school as me, and that I think NYU would be a great fit for you,” Steve said, leaving no room for argument. Bucky smiled back at him.

“I think NYU will be a good fit for me too.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Um...so...sorry? Please don't kill me. This chapter has kind of been a long time coming, and I promise it will get happier soon, we only have a few more until the end!
> 
> Also in case you were wondering, I listened to the song No Goodbyes by Dua Lipa while I was writing the breakup scene, so that's where all that came from.


	12. The Start of the Spring Semester

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alright, so just a bit of a warning again at the beginning, there are a few things I wanted to mention. One deals with self harm and asthma attacks made worse by anxiety, the other with some rather colorful name calling. I will put more detailed summaries in the end notes. If you have any questions feel free to let me know in the comments or on Tumblr, I don't think either are too graphic, but I also want to leave that up to you all. 
> 
> If you want to skip the self harm (which is done through exercising to a dangerous level) part I started and ended those paragraphs with **

Steve had been dreading going back to school for the rest of break. It wasn’t because of his classes, he was looking forward to some of those, but because he hadn’t talked to Peggy since Christmas Eve. He figured that was not exactly a good sign for their relationship, but he also knew that whatever was happening with Bucky was not fair to drag her into. He knew he had to break up with her, but having never broken up with someone before he didn’t exactly know what to do. And he still liked Peggy, he didn’t want to hurt her, but he knew it would be worse if he didn’t. But he figured it wasn’t uncommon to be dreading breaking up with someone, no matter how much it needed to happen.

It turns out he didn’t even have to be the one to bring it up. He was planning on meeting Peggy at the airport, but she texted him the day before saying not to bother and that they needed to talk once she got back to campus. He knew the talk would be the break up talk, even if that isn’t what she meant. 

So he spent the first day back on campus getting caught up with Sam, Natasha and Clint, all four of them doing a gift exchange. He stopped by Bucky’s new dorm room. His new roommate’s name was also James, though he went by Rhodey, and James’ previous roommate, Tony, was also there. He had moved off campus this semester, but it was pretty clear that they had gotten along well. He invited them all to his new off-campus place tomorrow night, telling Steve to bring the friends that Bucky had been telling him about. Bucky raised his eyebrows at that, but accepted the invitation. Steve did too. 

The next day Steve had plenty to be worried about. For one, Peggy was getting in and they were going to have the talk. Also, he had invited Sam and Natasha to Tony’s place, and they would be all hanging out with Bucky for the first time. Basically, he was looking forward to getting this day over with. 

The first thing he had to do was talk to Peggy. She got in that morning, not texting him again where to meet up until after lunch. He walked quickly over to her dorm, getting someone to let him inside before heading up to her room. The door was propped open just a bit so Steve just stepped inside, shutting the door behind him. 

Peggy looked up as he entered, giving him a small tired smile. She was unpacking slowly, continuing even after she saw him.

“How was your flight?” He asked lamely, not knowing how else to start the conversation. 

“Long,” Peggy replied simply. She looked exhausted. 

“Look, Peggy, we don’t need to do this today,” Steve started, giving her a way out. She shook her head. 

“Might as well, probably should have happened a while ago.” So Peggy did know this was that kind of talk. That was at least somewhat comforting. 

“I’m sorry, I really am, you are an amazing woman Peggy. Whoever you end up with will be beyond lucky, it just won’t be me. I know I should have done this before, but I just wanted it to work. I really did, it just wasn’t going to. So I’m sorry for that too.” Steve let out a shaky breath after he finished. Peggy looked up at him again.

“I’m sorry too. A relationship comes from both ends, I could have walked away as well, I was just clinging to something that wasn’t there in the first place. Just don’t let him break you again, you deserve more than that too. ”

“It’s not about him, Peggy, it’s about me. And I was clinging too, but it’s more on me. I was the one using you. You have every right to blame me, be mad at me.” Peggy smiled thinly at that. 

“We could play the blame game all day long. You were just trying to move on, even if you didn’t know what you were doing.” Steve opened his mouth to protest, trying to make her understand how bad he felt, but she held up a hand to silence him. 

“I am mad at you, but I have been for weeks. I’ve had time to think about what has been happening, and you are right, it is fucked up.” Steve winced. “We both should have seen sooner that neither of us were really into this relationship. I mean, for God’s sake, was there even one time that one of us changed our schedule for the other? Where we made time for each other just because we wanted to and not because it was convenient or expected of a significant other?”

“Peggy- ” Steve tried to interrupt but she didn’t let him.

“You don’t need to answer, I think we both already know. And I am mad, but I don’t blame you. I don’t think either of us really knew what we were doing.” Steve nods, finally accepting. She smiled sadly at him.

“Thank you. I hope, maybe not right away, but eventually we could be friends?” Steve asked timidly. 

“I think we could be friends, Steve,” Peggy answered warmly. That makes Steve smile. 

“I’m glad,” he replies, “I’ll see you then. You can always reach out, I’ll be here.”

“I know you will.” Once Peggy finished talking and turned back around, he took that as his cue and left her room. On his way out he ran into Angie, who didn’t say a word, just glared at him until she passed him. Steve supposed he deserved that. 

He stayed in his dorm for most of the rest of the day, not really wanting to deal with people’s questions about the end of their relationship. And no matter how amazing Peggy was, and how painless she tried to make it, he felt like he didn’t deserve it. He knew he had hurt her, that was inevitable, and he hated that. He didn’t want to hurt anyone. 

**Unable to deal with what was going on in his head any longer, he went down to the gym. He had already been once today, so the employees looked at him a bit strangely, but didn’t say anything. He immediately went over to the treadmill, setting it much higher than he probably should, but right now he didn’t care. He didn’t actually time himself, just running until he felt the familiar tug in his lungs. He ran for a bit longer knowing he would need his inhaler anyways at this point.

When he finally stopped the treadmill he could feel how tight his lungs were. He reached around in his bag for his inhaler, knowing that if he didn’t get to it in the next few minutes he would start wheezing, and that was exactly the kind of thing which would alert those around him to what was wrong. His chest tightened even more in panic as he searched around, not finding it anywhere in his bag. It was still in his dorm room. 

Knowing that he only had a few seconds before the wheezing started, he grabbed his stuff and tried to move to the bathroom. It was his own fault that he was in this situation, so he would have to be the one to get himself out of it. He had barely made it out the door into the hallway before the sound started up. He leaned back against the wall, trying to get it under control before he started walking again, but the breathing exercises didn’t seem to be helping, he was in too public of a place, he couldn’t stop thinking about someone finding him, which made him panic.

He didn’t know how he got there, but suddenly he was on the floor, his back against the wall still, head resting on top of his forearms which were on his bent knees. The position wasn’t good for breathing, but it was for hiding what was going on. He tried to block out what was happening around him, focusing instead on forcing his lungs to cooperate. 

He didn’t know how long he had been sitting there before he started to get himself under control, that was until he started to hear footsteps coming towards him. He hadn’t heard a single person come by until now, and his reasonable thinking that he probably actually sounded fine by now went out the window, instead his lung constricted again. As the footsteps got louder, so did his breathing, which only caused him to panic more and his breathing to get louder and more irregular. By the time the people had rounded the corner, he was back into a full-blown attack. **

“Steve?” He would know that voice anywhere. Bucky’s footsteps sped up until he was kneeling in front of him. The other sets of footsteps approached slowly, but didn’t get too close. 

“Do you have your inhaler?” Bucky asked. Steve reached out one hand clumsily, grabbing for any part of Bucky he could reach. He ended up with his hand on Bucky’s shoulder, tapping twice with two fingers, their old signal for  _ no _ . 

“Idiot,” Bucky muttered. Steve heard him unzip his jacket before he took Steve’s hand and put it on his chest. 

“Just focus on my breathing, I think I have an inhaler here somewhere.” Bucky was rummaging around in his pockets for a few seconds before he grabbed the inhaler and held it out in-between him and Steve. Steve took it gratefully, keeping his hand on Bucky’s chest as he used it. As soon as his breathing slowed and he put the inhaler down Bucky took his face in his hands, resting their foreheads together. 

“You have to keep it with you, punk,” he whispered in the little space between them. 

“I do normally, forgot it wasn’t in my gym bag anymore,” Steve murmured. It was breathy, but at least he could talk. They stayed there for several more moments, however, letting Steve fully come back into himself. Only as he started to pull away did he notice that his hand had never left Bucky’s chest. 

The moment he pulled back Bucky stood up, extending a hand to help Steve up as well. Once he was standing he realized the other people that were in the hallway were Tony and Rhodey, who were looking on with their jaws slightly open. Steve tried to smile at him, but he was sure it came across as flat. 

“I’m sorry about that, I have asthma and I forgot my inhaler,” Steve explained. 

“So why did Bucky have it?” Rhodey questioned, and that made Steve blush. 

“Steve never used to have his inhaler when he needed it, so I asked him for one of his to keep with me. I just got in the habit of carrying it around, and obviously I didn’t have to in LA, but I figured since I’m back I should probably start again. And it looks like it was a good thing I did,” Bucky finished with a glare in Steve’s direction. Steve cleared his throat, quickly changing the subject. 

“Thank you for that, but I was gonna go back to my dorm and shower before the get together tonight.”

“Why don’t we walk you back?” Bucky suggested. Steve was about to answer, but Tony beat him to it. 

“What, you don’t want to finish our tour of NYU’s wonderful facilities?” He said, sarcasm seeping into his voice. 

“Go with them, I’ll be fine. Just went a bit hard on the treadmill, I can make it back to my dorm,” Steve told him confidently. Bucky narrowed his eyes slightly, but didn’t question him.

“Alright. Tony, I guess you are in luck. Where to next?” Bucky asked, turning away from Steve and walking with them as Tony narrated loudly. Steve sighed, but headed back to his dorm quickly. The first thing he did was put his inhaler back into his gym bag before going to shower. Normally he would just shower at the gym, but he figured making sure his inhaler was where it was supposed to be was key. 

———————

Natasha, Clint and Riley all came over to his and Sam’s room for a bit before heading over to Tony’s. Steve was grateful, as it gave them a bit of time to integrate him about his breakup with Peggy so they didn’t do it in a public space. It didn’t last very long, as Steve was trying his best to put off the I-don’t-want-to-talk-about-it vibe. 

By the time they got to Tony’s apartment there was already a pretty good crowd there. As the apartment was only a one-bedroom, a pretty good crowd consisted of about seven people including Tony, Rhodey, and Bucky. He also didn’t recognize anyone else, which was a relief. Tony smiled as they walked in. 

“I’ll do the introductions on my end,” he said, “This is Thor, Jane, Loki, Bruce, Rhodey and Pepper. Oh and I’m Tony.” He pointed to each of them in turn, each person making some move to acknowledge it was them they were talking about. 

“Well, I’m Steve,” he started the introductions for the people who just walked in, each one announcing their name in turn. Once they had finished going down the line, Tony gave them a quick tour of the alcohol before making his way back to the other group. Steve grabbed a beer before heading over to Bucky, who was talking to Thor. They both smiled as he approached, Thor extended his hand. 

Throughout the course of his conversation with Thor he learned that Jane, Bruce and Tony were all science majors who ended up in the same orientation group. Jane, who was Thor’s girlfriend and how he was introduced to the rest of them, was studying astrophysics. Tony and Bruce were both applied physics majors, but Tony was also looking into either minoring or double majoring with some engineering degree. 

Rhodey and Pepper were both in the business school, which is how they met. As Rhodey was Tony’s roommate, he introduced the two and not long after they started dating. Tony had been the one to bring them all together though, wanting all his friends to meet, and as they all got along pretty well it became a regular occurrence. Loki also came occasionally, he didn’t go to NYU but he lived nearby and as Thor’s adopted brother he fit in pretty well. 

Thor was on a pretty different track than the rest of them, he was a history major, looking to teach high school. He was also a football player, so he hoped to coach high school as well. He had apparently met Jane by coincidence when she ran into him with her bike. 

Steve was quick to return the favor, saying how all of them met, going back as far as how Bucky introduced him to Natasha in high school when they dated for like a week before deciding they were better off as friends. Thor was a good listener, and surprisingly understanding of his and Bucky’s slightly strange relationship. Their conversation was only interrupted by a knock at the door. Steve was curious as to who else could be arriving, as it seemed everyone was there. Thor seemed to notice his confusion and jumped in before he could even ask. 

“Apparently Pepper invited someone and her roommate from one of her core classes. I think she is a theater major or something.”

Then the door opened, revealing Peggy and Angie. Steve froze, every muscle in his body tensing. Angie met his eyes almost instantly, glaring at him once again. She whispered something to Peggy who shook her head, and walked inside. Angie looked hesitant but followed. 

“Steve, are you okay?” Bucky asked softly. That was enough to make Thor turn towards Steve as well. 

“Do you know them?” He questioned. Steve nodded. 

“That is my ex-girlfriend and her roommate,” Steve answered stiffly. That is when Bucky tensed up next to them. 

“You didn’t tell me you broke up,” he said. Steve swallowed, forcing himself to look away and back towards Bucky. 

“That’s because we just broke up this morning,” Steve replied. Thor looked a bit uncomfortable at this revelation.

“Well, I’m sure you can just spend the rest of the night talking to different people. We can try to keep it from being awkward,” he told him. Steve nodded appreciatively. 

“So, Bucky, how has your first few days at NYU been?” Thor turned to Bucky as he asked the question. Steve was glad for the change in conversation, but before Bucky could even begin to answer, Tony stood up on one of the couches. 

“Now that everyone is here, how would we all feel about a few rounds of flip cup to get things started?” He announced. All of his friends sounded the affirmative but Thor, who was discreetly trying to get his attention. Tony either didn’t notice or didn’t care. 

“Let’s get this started then,” he said, clearing his table and starting to set up. Thor started to walk towards Tony, but Steve put out an arm to stop him.

“It’s honestly better than playing something that involves a lot of talking, I’ll be fine,” he assured Thor. 

“You don’t have to play,” was how Thor responded. 

“I know, I want to,” Steve replied. Thor nodded, accepting, before going over to help Tony set up. 

“I might have to ask you to keep me from doing anything too stupid tonight,” Steve told Bucky as he turned towards him. Bucky huffed.

“That’s always been my job,” he said. 

“Yeah, well, I might have never actually gotten drunk around anyone here but you, so they won’t really know what to do.” Bucky chuckled at that.

“With how much of a lightweight you are, how is that even possible?” He joked. Steve bumped their shoulders together in retaliation, but smiled nonetheless. 

“I just haven’t really been drinking. They all thought I have though, so honestly they are in for a bit of a shock. They all think I basically can’t get drunk.”

“They’re definitely in for a shock. But don’t worry, I’ll stay mostly sober, keep you from doing anything bad.” 

When Tony motioned them all over Steve purposely stood away from Peggy and Angie, but they seemed to be in the same mindset. Natasha and Sam both checked in with him, making sure he was fine staying there with the new arrivals. He brushed them both off. He still really liked Peggy, he didn’t feel the need to avoid her at all, even if it was a bit awkward right now. 

After the first three rounds pretty much everyone was tipsy, Steve a bit more than the rest. So when Tony suggested Kings Cup, he only remembered how much fun he had playing it at Clint’s, and ignored the concerned looks coming from all of his friends, and immediately agreed. Natasha tried to talk him out of it but Steve didn’t really understand why. The first few cards drawn were all just various groups drinking. It was only when it was Tony’s turn that he realized what Natasha was warning him about. He had drawn a jack, never have I ever. 

Albeit, a bit nervously, Steve put up his five fingers as all those around him did the same. Tony looked a bit thoughtful as he decided what to say. 

“Never have I ever lived somewhere other than New York City,” he finally said. There was a bunch of grumbling, as everyone but Tony, Steve, Clint and Angie had to put a finger down. Pepper was up next. 

“Never have I ever been drunk in public.” Tony put down a finger immediately, Bucky joined him soon after. Natasha looked a bit thoughtful, like she was trying to remember. 

“You have, Budapest,” Clint told her. Natasha laughed, but put down a finger along with Clint. 

“When did you get drunk in Budapest?” Riley asked, a bit bewildered. Natasha shrugged. 

“We all have secrets,” she answered and Clint laughed. 

“I don’t think you can call it a secret if a bunch of tourists witnessed the event to its conclusion,” he replied and Natasha swatted at him.

“They don’t need to know that. What about you Tony?” She deflected. Tony opened his mouth to speak, but Pepper beat him to it.

“I think you mean which time,” she told them. 

“Turns out being a public figure has its perks,” Tony shrugged. That confused Steve more than the previous statement. 

“You’re a public figure?” He questioned, trying to rack his brain for famous Tony’s his age. Tony looked at him strangely. 

“Kinda comes with being a Stark,” he said as though it was obvious. Then it clicked. Tony Stark, son of Howard Stark, the CEO and founder of Stark tech, and the third richest man in the world. Cool, that was fine. He was drinking at Tony Stark’s apartment. No wonder he could afford this place. 

“Oh, you are that Tony,” he replied as a revelation. Tony rolled his eyes. 

“Yes, I am that Tony.” Steve opened his mouth to talk again. He didn’t have a fully formed thought, but he figured he should comment on that information. Maybe about how he didn’t keep up with the latest billionaire drama, that was a good idea. Before any sound could come out, however, Bucky spoke up. 

“‘That Tony’ is now forever your contact name in my phone,” he announced. Tony just shrugged. 

“I’m fine with that, I am  _ that _ Tony,” he replied. Pepper groaned next to him. 

“Bruce, I believe it is your turn,” she said, turning to the man next to her. 

“It is, um,” Bruce paused before speaking again, “Never have I ever, uh, fallen in love with my best friend.” That made Sam groan. 

“I knew opening up to strangers was gonna come back to bite me, didn’t I?” He stated, but put down his finger. Riley chuckled but did as well. Bruce was smirking at them.

“I’m just using the knowledge I have,” he defended. Steve raised his eyebrows a bit, not at Bruce, but at the two of them. They had been dating for just over the amount of time that he and Peggy had, and wasn’t even close to being ready to mention love in their relationship. But then again, their relationships were very different, and he supposed five months really wasn’t too soon. 

Once everyone got past the brief scene in front of them, it became apparent that everyone still had to answer. Natasha and Clint seemed to be having a standoff of who would put down the finger first. Clint eventually gave in, rolling his eyes as he did so. Natasha smirked at him, but followed suit. And that was when Steve realized he had to answer, and he had to put a finger down, with the person he was referring to next to him and his most recent ex also in the same room. Fun. 

He didn’t look at Bucky as he put his finger down, but in his peripheral vision he could see Bucky glance at him before putting his own finger down. It was pretty common knowledge what happened between him and Bucky, at least among those who knew him, so even though it was embarrassing, it wasn’t the worst. 

Next up was Loki, and from the smirk present on his face, Steve was not going to enjoy his much more. 

“Never have I ever seen someone else in this room naked,” he said. Which was pretty bad, but then he realized roommates were also a thing, and he had seen Sam pretty close to naked, which was pretty unavoidable being in the same space so much. But then Loki opened his mouth again. 

“In a sexual context.” Well, Steve was right, he did not enjoy this more. In fact, he enjoyed this much less. While everyone might know he was with Bucky, they never knew the extent of their relationship. And he was pretty sure it was about to become very obvious, at least it was going to be to Peggy, because he had never seen her naked, they had never even talked about it, and hadn’t dated anyone else here. 

He could tell Bucky was watching him, gauging his reaction before responding. He appreciated it, looking around at the other couples to procrastinate a bit. Natasha and Clint both put fingers down, as did Tony and Pepper, all of them with little to no shame. Though it was very clear that they were together, so that’s rather unsurprising. 

Very slowly he put down his finger, Bucky following right after him. He heard a few sharp intakes of breath, but refused to look up. He was sure a few of them were looking at Peggy and very clearly noticed she had not put a finger down. When he finally did look up he noticed that Tony was looking confused between the three of them, probably mirroring what his friends had all been doing.

“So that is what Bucky was talking about with the whole roommate thing,” Sam muttered, barely loud enough to be heard. Riley elbowed him and Steve blushed. 

“Am I missing something?” He asked, and Steve kind of wanted to tell him to shut up. It probably wasn’t a great idea to piss off Tony Stark, but then again, he never made good decisions. 

“She’s his ex, so am I,” Bucky answered before Steve could say anything. Steve felt the blush flushing his face and neck. 

“You’re not still together? What was that hallway thing then?” Tony seemed genuinely mystified, but that didn’t stop Steve from wanting to punch him. He looked up to glare at Tony only to see Peggy curling into herself a bit more. Angie put an arm around her before going back to glaring at Steve. At least Steve assumed she was glaring at him the whole time. 

“Tony, you should really stop talking now,” Steve warned, trying to keep his voice even. He sat forward a bit without even realizing it, only noticing when Bucky put a hand on his chest to push him back. 

“Why?” 

“What does it matter to you?” Steve snapped. 

“I mean, it is my apartment.” Steve moved to get up. Bucky put out an arm to stop him. 

“You told me to keep you from doing stupid things,” Bucky told him, actually having to use some strength to hold him back. Steve sighed, sitting back a bit to make it easier on Bucky. 

“And the ‘hallway thing’ was just an asthma attack. Just because we aren’t together doesn’t mean I like seeing him unable to breathe,” Bucky said to Tony, his words a bit clipped. Tony raised an eyebrow but didn’t say anything. 

“Whatever you say,” Tony replied, his voice incredibly insinuating. Bucky had to grip his arm to keep him from getting up. 

“Thor, it’s your turn, why don’t you give us one,” Bucky suggested, completely changing the direction of the conversation. 

“Um alright, never have I ever taken dance lessons,” he said. Steve greasy appreciated the change in conversation, and also that Natasha put down her last finger, causing her to lose and Steve not to have to think of one as he was next to Thor. 

Both Loki and Thor picked drinking cards. Loki started the waterfall and Thor drew so that he just had to drink. Then it was Steve’s turn. He was definitely not looking forward to seeing what he had to do, but there also was really no putting it off. 

He drew a queen and internally groaned. Everyone would go around in a circle and could ask him whatever they wanted, if he didn’t want to answer it he had to drink. This was possibly the worst card he could draw. He showed everyone and they all smirked. He turned to his right where Bucky was sitting, knowing he was the first to ask him a question. 

“Favorite professor you’ve had so far?” Steve sighed in relief before answering. He figured that Bucky wouldn’t try to make his life more difficult, but he could have asked something that revealed more than he wanted to on accident. 

“Alright now, be honest, who do you think is the cutest couple here?” Sam asked. Steve drank immediately. 

“Hey!” Sam protested. 

“No matter what I answer someone is gonna be mad, I’m not risking that,” Steve explained. 

“What’s the drunkest you’ve ever gotten?” Was Riley’s question. Steve thought about it for a bit before answering. 

“I think it was at Bucky’s graduation party,” he finally decided on, which made Bucky fail to hide a smirk. Steve elbowed him.

“You were gone too.”

“Never said I wasn’t,” Bucky replied with a cheeky grin. Steve just rolled his eyes. 

“Why’d you get so drunk?” Clint questioned. He was next in line, but Steve couldn’t tell if that was just conversational or an actual question.

“That your question?” 

“Sure,” Clint said with a shrug. Steve wasn’t protesting, it was an easy enough answer.

“We played Monopoly with shots,” he answered, turning to Natasha. 

“Out of curiosity, how long do you think Clint and I have been together?” Natasha asked. Steve had no idea how to answer that, but she was looking at him with an amused smirk, so he figured it was safe to answer. 

“Honestly, I don’t know. But if I had to guess, which I guess I do, I would say that you have been together for years, but not consistently,” Steve said, shrinking into himself a bit under Natasha’s gaze. She looked thoughtful and amused.

“Interesting,” she stated simply.

“You are not going to tell us?” Sam asked.

“Nope,” Natasha replied. Steve really shouldn’t have expected anything more. This is what he had been dreading however. He turned to the person on Natasha’s right, Angie. He was expecting the question to be harsh, but nothing could have prepared him for what she actually asked. 

“Are you still in love with Bucky?” He was pretty sure he stopped breathing. No one else in the room dared to say a word. His heart was thumping against his ribs. No matter the situation, this wasn’t a question he wanted to answer in front of a group of people, but especially not now. Angie was still glaring at him, as if she was daring him to answer. He took a sip of his drink instead, but apparently that was enough of an answer for Angie. 

“Of course you fuckin’ do! Why else would you break up with her?” Angie yelled. 

“Angie, don’t,” Peggy tried to stop her, speaking softly. 

“No, he deserves to hear this. Peggy told me she let you down easy, but I’m not going to. You spent the entirety of this break flirting with your ex-boyfriend, instead of talking to the girlfriend you very much still had. You didn’t even see her broken up about it because you never called her, but I was talking to her all that time. She knew it was over on Christmas Eve, which made for a really festive holiday season by the way, but was giving you a chance to reach out and convince her she was wrong. But instead you did the opposite. You are such a two-timing dick, I bet that’s why you two broke up in the first place,” She pointed between Steve and Bucky, “Fuckin’ whore.”

Steve felt himself deflate at the words. He had been fine until the last two sentences. He knew he didn’t deserve to be let down easy by Peggy, that relationship really went on for longer than it should have. But he hadn’t thought about how similar it was to what happened with Bucky. Bucky broke up with him because he was afraid Steve would either cheat on him or regret not doing so. It was a pattern, and Steve hated himself for it. He felt physically ill at the thought of cheating on anyone, but that is exactly what this was all for.

Steve would have tried to think of a reply, probably an apology, but as soon as Angie was done talking Bucky leapt to his feet. Steve didn’t have any time to process it, much less stop him. He was practically shaking with rage, jabbing a finger at her. 

“Don’t you dare,” he started, his voice dangerously low, “You don’t know anything about him or our relationship, so don’t pretend.” Angie rose as well.

“I don’t need to pretend, I know everything I need to know about him. I know that he broke her heart, and that’s all that matters. Their relationship never even had a chance because of you, and Steve let her think that it did.” 

“Steve would never purposely lead someone on. He couldn’t if he tried, and from everything I was hearing about Peggy he wanted it to work just as bad as she did. The relationship had its chance, it just didn’t work. That’s what happens to relationships sometimes. And yes, he broke her heart, but that’s what happens when you break up with someone. There is no way to do that nicely, no matter how hard you try. Steve is the nicest, most caring and most generous person I have ever met. I’m not saying he is perfect, I’m sure he made plenty of mistakes, but it was only the second relationship he had ever had. Of course he doesn’t have everything figured out. But, I do know he would never do anything to hurt someone on purpose, especially not someone he cared about as much as he cared about Peggy.” 

“God, if he is the nicest person you have ever met I feel bad for you. Your life must be full of assholes. There is a difference between making mistakes and making your girlfriend watch you flirt with the man who broke your heart.”

“I am certain that Steve would have never talked to me again if he knew it was affecting Peggy that much. Not because he didn’t want to be friends with me, but because he is a self-sacrificing dumbass. He would much rather hurt himself than hurt anyone else. And yes, we did spend a lot of time together over break, but I have known him for more of my life than I haven’t and even though we broke up I still like talking to him. We were friends long before anything else happened between us and we were working our way back to that.”

“It seems like you were working up to a lot more than that. Steve must have realized that, if he didn’t he would just be stupid. You look at each other like an old married couple that never left the honeymoon stage.” 

“Steve definitely did not realize anything. I can tell you that with one hundred percent certainty. Because if he did he would have either stopped talking to me or broken up with Peggy. He would never drag something out on purpose.”

“If you think that maybe you don’t know him as well as you think you do.” Bucky started to take a step forward, but Steve grabbed his arm, enough sense in him not to let this escalate any further. He stood up as well, his grip unchanging. 

“Come on, let’s go,” Steve told Bucky softly. It took him a few seconds before he nodded, and let Steve drag him out of the apartment. They didn’t talk all the way back to Steve’s dorm, the silence filled with built up tension. Only when they both stepped inside Steve’s room did Bucky say anything.

“I’m not going to apologize for defending you.” 

“Bucky, come on, it really was my fault. I should have realized it wasn’t working. I should have broken up with her the night you called. Hell, I shouldn’t have ever dated her in the first place. I didn’t realize it until today, but I never really got over you, and it wasn’t fair to drag her into all that. I didn’t realize anything I was feeling until it was too late. I don’t blame her or Angie for hating me. They more than have the right.”

“No, Angie took it too far. She didn’t have any right to comment on our relationship. You might have made a mistake with Peggy, but I know that you never would have done any of that on purpose. You wanted to be happy, you thought you could be with her. But you are not a two-timing dick or a whore. I broke up with you because of me, not because of anything you did. I know you would never cheat on me, which is part of the reason I did break up with you. I know I was drunk on New Years, but I didn’t black out. I know what I said, and all of it was true.” 

“Angie was just protecting Peggy, and God knows someone needs to do that. Not because she needs it, but because someone needed to call me out.”

“Not like that, not in that public place. It was just too soon after the breakup to have that conversation, emotions are still too intense. I should have made you leave.”

“You don’t have to protect me from everything. I deserve someone to yell at me every now and again, especially once I hurt someone.”

“I’m sure you will be glad to hear that Natasha yelled at me for what I did to you then. I broke your heart, I hurt you, and so by your logic I needed to be yelled at. I was trying to do what I thought was best, and I made a huge mistake. You did the same thing. She doesn’t have to ever forgive you, just like you don’t ever have to forgive me.”

“I have forgiven you, you know that,” Steve interrupted.

“That’s not the point. I know you hate yourself right now, and I know there is nothing I can do to stop that. But you shouldn’t beat yourself up forever, we are all human Steve.”

“Being human isn’t an excuse for hurting someone.”

“Hurting someone on purpose and hurting someone on accident are two different things. Neither is good, but one is a whole lot worse. You are not a bad person, Steve, I don’t even think you would know how to be one. I just hope one day you will see that.” And with that Bucky moved towards the door, opening it before turning around one last time. 

“Goodnight Steve, and please actually try and sleep.” Steve didn’t even have a chance to respond before Bucky closed the door behind him. 

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings:  
> After Steve and Peggy breaks up he goes to the gym and overexerts himself on the treadmill which causes an asthma attack and he doesn't have his inhaler. He then panics over being seen, making his attack worse. That is the section designated with ** Directly after that Bucky comes with a rescue inhaler, which Steve uses before he goes back to his dorm.   
> The name calling is basically Angie yelling at Steve for what he did to Peggy, and the names basically insinuate that he was cheating on her. I know there has been profanity throughout, but I also know it might be different when it is used in a degrading context. 
> 
> I also just want to make it clear that Peggy in no way made Steve hurt himself. While their breakup was stressful and Steve felt guilty, he has a lot of mental problems going on which are causing that reaction. I tried to make sure it didn't seem that way, but just incase I also wanted to state it clearly. Also, if you are feeling similar urges, please talk to someone you trust, especially a medial professional if you have one you feel like you can talk to. If you don't want to, you can text the crisis text line: text "Home" for free 24/7 support at your fingertips US and Canada: text 741741 UK: text 85258 | Ireland: text 50808. More information on them: https://www.crisistextline.org/topics/self-harm/#what-is-self-harm-1
> 
> Okay everyone, so this has been a long note and this has been the big drama chapter, so much is going on. But in exciting news, my last final is today so after that I will be done with this semester! I am so excited to be done, this semester has been insane. As always, let me know what you think! Or if you want to, you can try and guess where this is going, we only have a few chapters left!


	13. The Aftermath

It had been three weeks and Steve still hadn’t talked to either Peggy or Angie, but he supposed that was for the best. He had also only seen Natasha once or twice. He and Sam had an awkward week or so, but they were starting to get back to normal. Well, as normal as things could be now. He was honestly so glad he had met up with other people at Tony’s apartment, because he started spending more time with Thor and Jane. 

He had also started to go to the gym a lot less because after a second incident with him forgetting his inhaler a week after the first, Bucky, Sam and Riley cornered him to make sure he didn’t go to the gym without a gym buddy to make sure his inhaler was always available. Steve protested at first, but having three of his friends glaring at him eventually made him concede. Bucky also came up to him afterward saying that he should make an appointment with the school psychological health center. It took a few weeks but eventually he agreed.

He had gotten used to spending a bunch of time in Bucky and Rhodey’s room when him and Sam had been avoiding each other, which had now evolved to the two of them spending most nights in the lounge at his dorm, just doing homework next to each other. Thor and Jane would sometimes join them, as the two of them were quickly becoming their closest friends now. Him and Peggy had been in all the same clubs, which meant he really didn’t want to go to any of them anymore. He had gotten a few texts from the people he knew in the clubs, but he just told them he was busy. 

That is where he was when Natasha called him again for the first time since Tony’s apartment. He was a bit concerned that she had called him on accident or that she was going to yell at him again, but he figured he deserved it so he answered the call anyway. 

“Hi Natasha,” he greeted, which caused Bucky’s head to whip up to look at him.  _ What? _ Bucky mouthed, confused. Steve just shrugged, not knowing as well. 

“Hi,” she responded, “You should come over tomorrow, we are starting the movie nights up again.” That was entirely too normal for Steve to handle. He was sure that his body was tensing up, as Bucky was tensing up to match him. “And bring Bucky too.” That was even stranger. 

“Are you sure this is a good idea?” He asked tentatively. 

“Yeah, it’s just going to be me, you guys, and Sam and Riley,” Natasha answered. Suddenly everything was making a lot more sense. 

“Are you sure you want to? I have a feeling Angie won’t be too happy about it,” Steve replied, knowing how close they had gotten at the beginning of the year. Natasha signed.

“I haven’t been talking to either of you because I didn’t want to pick a side, but I miss all of you and I have just been stuck third wheeling Sam and Riley. So I am just going to do the movie night and I am going to start hanging out with them too and you can’t say anything about it,” Natasha stated, leaving no room for debate.

“I wouldn’t dream of it, I miss hanging out with them too,” Steve admitted. 

“Good, so you are coming,” Natasha said, not really asking. 

“We’ll come,” Steve agreed. 

“I’ll see you then,” and with that she hung up. He put his phone away before noticing that Bucky was staring at him with his eyebrow raised. 

“Did you just agree for me to go to something  _ for me _ ?” He asked once Steve met his eyes. Steve rolled his eyes at the insinuating tone in his voice. 

“I know you are not doing anything tomorrow night, and I am sure you want to see Natasha as she was your friend before she was mine,” Steve stated. 

“We’re going to Natasha’s?” Steve could tell by Bucky’s tone that he was shocked, and a bit skeptical. Steve rolled his eyes again. 

“Angie and Peggy aren’t going to be there. It will not end in another screaming match,” Steve told him, putting an emphasis on the last half. 

“I guess I’ll go then,” Bucky sighed turning back to his work. Steve smiled a little, also returning to his work. 

———————————

They showed up a few minutes late to Nat’s door, but when she opened it there was no one else inside.

“I was going to apologize, but I don’t really think I have to,” Steve said. 

“What?” Natasha asked, looking confused. 

“No one else is here yet,” Steve explained. 

“Oh,” she motioned them inside. They were all just standing there awkwardly for a few moments before Natasha broke it.

“So, how have you been the past few weeks?” Steve just shrugged. 

“I mean, about as well as you think it could go,” he responded and she just nodded in response. 

“I take it you still haven’t talked to either of them then?” She was more assuming than actually asking and Bucky actually laughed, confirming her suspicion. Steve elbowed him but didn’t do anything else to correct his action. After all, the idea of talking to either of them right now was a laughable matter. 

“I don’t think anything good would come of that right now,” Bucky said once he calmed down a bit. Steve couldn’t help but nod in agreement. Natasha hummed but didn’t actually say anything. 

“What are we watching tonight?” Steve asked, trying to change the subject. He sat down on Natasha's bed, Bucky joining him shortly after. Natasha stayed standing, however.

“I have a few ideas, but I was going to wait until everyone showed up so you guys can decide,”

“Are you going to tell us, or are you just going to keep being mysterious?” Bucky questioned. Natasha rolled her eyes.

“You know how I love my mysteries,” she replied, smirking. Bucky rolled his eyes right back, but leaned against the wall and waited. Just as Steve opened his mouth to say something there was a knock on the door. 

“And that would be them,” she said before going to open the door. As soon as they saw the faces of the people entering, both Steve and Bucky tensed up, getting off the bed. Peggy and Angie looked just as shocked, standing just a few feet past the entrance. 

“I’m not doing this,” Angie said after a few moments, turning back around and trying to get out of the room. Before she could even take a step in the opposite direction, Natasha put an arm out to stop her. 

“It’s been three weeks, I understand the need for time and space, but at this point it just seems like it is festering. You shouldn’t spend the rest of college avoiding each other, like I know you have been doing this whole time. So, you are going to talk this out. Right now,” Natasha stated, before standing in front of the door with her arms crossed. 

“This is ridiculous,” Bucky huffed, “You really think just shutting us all in a room together is going to make everything better? The last time we broached this topic the only reason it ended so peacefully is because we left, and that only happened with Steve’s prompting. I would prefer not to go there again ever, so I think it would be best if we just left.” 

“Bucky,” Steve started as a warning.

“Steve,” he stated right back, “I’m not going to stand by and let anyone insult you. You’ve done the same for me more times than I can count.”

“You are getting awfully defensive towards two people who have barely even said anything yet,” Natasha scolded. Bucky glared at her.

“I heard about as much as I could last time,” he replied. Natasha didn’t back down, staring him down with the same amount of intensity. 

“If you could put what happened behind you for two seconds maybe you could actually have an adult conversation,” she snapped back, “I’m sure you both think everything went too far. I know everyone else did.” 

“I definitely think things went too far, and I’m sorry about that,” Peggy added, extending the olive branch.

“I agree,” Steve piped up, “And like I said before, I really am sorry. I know I was a mess, I definitely could have handled everything better.”

“We’ve already been over all of this,” Peggy said, a sad smile on her face. 

“We can go over it again, if you want to,” Steve offered, but Peggy shook her head. 

“I don’t think that is necessary, especially not in front of other people.” Steve nodded expecting. 

“You know you can always text me, if you change your mind,” Steve told her. 

“I do, but right now I think I just need time,” she replied. Steve sighed.

“Yeah, I think I do too,” Steve agreed. Natasha began slow clapping from her stance against the door. 

“I’m proud of you two,” she said, clapping them both on the shoulder. Peggy rolled her eyes. 

“Like Steve said, we already had this conversation. I just wasn’t aware it needed an audience,” she responded coldly. 

“I think it was good for the two of them to get a better handle on the situation,” Natasha gestured towards Bucky and Angie as she spoke. 

“You called me on Christmas Eve almost crying because of Steve, how can you be so okay with all of this?” Angie asked, looking directly at Peggy, “Did you just expect me to forget about that? And that is just one instance I can mention.” Steve’s mouth fell open. 

“Peggy?” He questioned, his voice distraught, “I would have never left that call if I had known, I swear. Hell, I probably would have flown to England if I knew it was really that bad. I am so sorry.” 

“Our relationship was over then Steve, it wouldn’t have made sense for you to fly out to me, not to mention how expensive it would be. I don’t want you to empty your savings account over something like that. I was sad because that is when I realized what the relationship really was, not just what I wanted it to be. It was hard to take in.

And that is why I called you, Angie, because my relationship was over and I needed a friend. You are the best friend I have made here, and I knew you would understand. I didn’t want to win Steve back, because it was over. We just both needed to accept it, and that was hard. I haven’t forgotten it, and I don’t think I will. I don’t expect you too either, I just need to move on, and that is something which is very hard to do when everyone is being hyper conscious of talking about Steve or running into him, it feels like even though we are over, so much of my life is still revolving around him and I am sick of it. 

So no, I am not letting myself be hung up about it or staying angry, because then I can’t move on. Then I am going to be stuck thinking about it forever. I want to spend my time in university well, while I still have it. I want to go to all my clubs and hang out with my friends, because we only have four years. I am not going to spend it avoiding a guy I dated for like two months with a relationship that never really went anywhere anyways. So I am going to do all of that, and what I really want from all of you is just to act like everything is normal. We can all hang out together, we can go to the same clubs. We can stop all of this ridiculousness right now.” When Peggy finally stopped no one said a word, letting everything sink in. 

“Okay,” Angie finally spoke up, breaking the silence, “I can do that.”

“I can too,” Natasha quickly pipped in. 

“Me too.” Steve agreed. Bucky nodded as well.

“Of course I can, and after that speech, I would eventually like to get to know you better too,” Bucky told her. Peggy smiled. 

“I would like to get to know you too,” she replied. Natasha opened the door. 

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm not sure I am completely happy with how this came out, but I wanted to keep moving on with the story. I might go back and edit it at some point, I'm not really sure yet. Also, I'm back! I'll have a longer note at the end of the next chapter (the next chapter will also be much longer than this one) explaining a bit more, but for now just go and enjoy that one!


	14. The One You've Been Waiting For

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just a quick warning, there are some dissuasions of someone trying to force themself on another person in a part of this chapter. It never gets that far and the characters put an end to it quickly, but I would rather over-warn than under-warn when it comes to stuff like this. If you have any questions at all, feel free to message me on Tumblr.

“You can’t say no,” Tony protested. 

“Actually I can, last time was kind of a disaster,” Bucky pointed out sarcastically, barely looking up from his notebook. 

“That wasn’t exactly my fault,” Tony responded,“Also, you’ve talked it out, it’s been like five weeks. It’ll be fine.” Bucky rolled his eyes.

“I’m kidding, I’ll be there,” Bucky replied, only briefly looking up before returning to his work. Tony turned to look at Steve next. Steve shrugged.

“I’m in,” he agreed. Tony grinned.

“I knew my offer was too good to refuse. It starts at 8, I would say not to be late, but I don’t really care. Just be there eventually. And look hot!” Tony told them before turning on his heel and walking out of the lounge.

“How did Rhodey ever deal with him as a roommate?” Steve wondered aloud once he heard Tony retreat down the stairs. Bucky shook his head, chuckling. 

“From what I have heard of their interactions, he has the patience of a saint,” Bucky replied. Steve hummed in agreement before returning to reading his textbook. They sat in silence for a while. Since it was the middle of the say on a Friday, no other people where in the study lounge, so all that could be heard was the scratching of Bucky’s pencil and the flipping of pages. 

“Can I draw you?” Steve asked after around thirty minutes. Bucky looked up confused. 

“You know you can,” Bucky answered easily, but he was clearly still confused. 

“I don’t just mean like sketching you, I mean for my class. Like have you actually pose,” Steve clarified, his face turning a bit pink. 

“Why are you nervous, do you need me to like be naked or something?” Bucky questioned, which fully made Steve blush and clear his throat nervously. 

“No, of course not, you just need to like sit. And be comfortable. Fully clothed,” Steve told him, unable to meet his eyes. 

“What if I would be more comfortable not fully clothed,” Bucky insinuated, eyebrows raised. Steve did look up then, to glare at him. 

“You’re a jerk and I take it back,” Steve retorted. 

“Who else are you going to get to pose naked for you?” Bucky continued to prod. 

“I don’t need you to pose naked,” Steve insisted loudly. 

“What did I just walk into?” Sam groaned from the doorway. Steve blushed again. 

“I was telling him  _ not _ to get naked, not the other way around,” Steve protested. 

“I don’t care if you were telling him to put on a clown costume, if you are blushing that much there is no way I walked into something good,” Sam replied, sitting down next to them and opening his backpack, “Actually, especially if you are telling him to get into a clown costume. Then I really don’t want to know.” 

“I’d get into a clown costume for you,” Bucky said, throwing a wink towards Sam. 

“You two are the worst and I can’t believe I decided to come up here to work with you,” Sam responded. 

“I mean if clowns are your kink, Riley is really the one you should be telling,” Steve piped up. Sam turned towards him. 

“I can’t believe I thought you were innocent the first few months I knew you,” he told him. Bucky smirked. 

“You haven’t even seen the half of it,” Bucky said. Steve pushed his shoulder.

“Either you shut up or I’ll make you,” Steve threatened. 

“I’d like to see you try,” Bucky responded. 

“This, this is what I mean by you two being the worst,” Sam stated. Bucky just smiled. 

“I have no idea what you are talking about,” he said, Sam groaned. 

“I hate both of you.”

—————————————

They ended up only being around thirty minutes late to Tony’s. Mostly because there were five of them all arriving at once and it was really difficult attempting to get all of them reading to go at the same time. By the time they arrived there were already many people in his apartment. Steve was quite impressed as he didn’t recognize most of the people there. 

“Drinks are where they were last time, enjoy yourself,” Tony greeted quickly when he answered the door before going back to the group of people he was presumably talking to before. 

“How on earth does he not get noise complaints?” Sam wondered as they walked in. Steve couldn’t help but agree, they could definitely hear the music before the door opened. 

“I’m gonna go get something to drink, anyone want to join me?” Rhodey asked, making his way towards the kitchen. There was a chain reaction of nodding before all of them ended up walking into the room together. Steve grabbed a beer for himself before walking back out to rejoin the rest of the party. He saw Natasha in one corner talking to Clint and Pepper and went over to join them. 

“Hey,” he greeted once he was within earshot over the music and other talking. They all either raised their glasses or nodded. 

“You have fun rounding up all of them?” Natasha asked, gesturing towards the group emerging from the kitchen. Steve chuckled and shook his head. 

“Next time we are all arriving separately,” Steve swore, “What about you guys, how’s it been going here?” 

“Well, Tony gave a senior six hundred dollars to buy alcohol expecting to get like ten bottles or so,” Pepper said and Steve burst out laughing. Pepper nodded along with him, “As you can imagine, he got a lot more than ten bottle. What is in the kitchen is only a third of what he got.”

“I wish I just had six hundred dollars to spend like that,” Steve stated. Natasha snorted.

“Don’t we all,” she agreed. 

“Hey, at least that means he will have plenty for future get togethers,” Clint pointed out. 

“Or that we have an obligation to drink everything in the kitchen tonight,” Natasha suggested. 

“No, I don’t think that is what it means,” Steve told her, eyes wide at how serious she seemed. 

“Really? You don’t think you can take me, Mr. Alcohol-Can’t-Touch-Me,” Natasha challenged. Now it was Steve who raised his eyebrows. 

“Is that an actual challenge?” Steve asked. 

“You know it is,” Natasha confirmed. 

“I would just like to point out this is a bad idea,” Clint piped up, “But I will not stop you. I just figured you could use the warning.”

“I know it is a bad idea,” Steve agreed, “Natasha could drink me under any day. Doesn’t mean I don’t want to know how long it will take.”

“Good, I just needed you to be aware of what you were agreeing to,” Clint nodded. 

“I’ve known her long enough that there is no way I would ever think I could win this,” Steve said. Natasha smirked.

“What should we start with?” She asked, walking towards the kitchen. Both Steve and Clint followed her. “I’ll even start doing a shot and a half to every shot you take, since you are so sure we are not on an even playing field.” 

“I would like to think I am not that stupid,” Steve replied, “I don’t think anyone can outdrink you.” Natasha smirked.

“Many have tried, none have succeeded,” she stated

“That’s not strictly true. Budapest,” Clint responded, catching her eye. Natasha rolled hers in response. 

“That was a draw,” she protested. 

“Sure didn’t look like it,” Clint muttered and she glared at him. 

“So, alcohol,” Steve steered them back to the topic at hand. 

“Right,” Natasha said, looking over the selection, “Why don’t we just use this?” She held up a pack of cheap beer. Steve shrugged.

“Why not.”

————————————

Around an hour later Steve coincided. Although he had been very adamant that he wasn’t really feeling anything yet, when he stood up to grab the next round he hand to grip Thor’s arm to avoid falling down. He decided then that he probably shouldn’t have any more. Thor thankfully brought him over to the couch so he could re-center himself. 

“Been a while since you drank that much, huh?” Jane asked. Steve snorted. 

“I can’t even remember the last time I had this much,” Steve responded, “But not like blacking-out don’t remember. I’ve never black out, just like the expression, you know? Like it’s been so long that I don’t remember. That’s what the expression means. I do actually remember, you know.”

“I know what the expression means,” Jane cut him off, fighting a smile off her face, “I believe you.” 

“Hmmmm, thanks nice,” Steve hummed, “You’re nice. So’s Thor. Nice and strong. And I mean he is both nice and strong, separately. Though he is also nicely strong and strongly nice.” 

“Why thank you, Steve,” Thor replied. Jane was fully laughing next to him. Steve frowned. 

“Did I say something?” He asked her. She shook her head. 

“No, you are just such a funny drunk,” she told him. Steve looked thoughtful.

“I suppose I am drunk, but no one has ever called me a funny drunk,” Steve looked genuinely confused, “my friends would call me a Chihuahua guard dog. Said I was tiny and protective and aggressive when I was drunk. I mean I was always tiny.” 

“I can’t imagine you tiny,” Thor said. Steve nodded. 

“‘Was always tiny,” Steve confirmed, “I’m sure I have pictures somewhere.” Steve took out his phone and started scrolling. 

“Wait, they said you were an aggressive drunk?” Jane questioned. Steve nodded a bit too deeply. 

“Yep,” he answered, still looking at his phone. 

“I can’t imagine you being aggressive, a chihuahua, yes, but guard dog, not so much,” Jane responded. Steve shrugged. 

“It’s what they said.” Jane hummed appreciatively. 

“Ah!” Steve exclaimed, a bit too loud, as many people looked over at him. Seeing Steve’s mannerisms, however, they quickly understood the situation and turned back around. 

“I found it!” He continued, turning his phone toward Thor and Jane. It was a picture of him, Bucky, and all their high school friends at Bucky’s graduation party before the drinking started. It was a good reference for how little he actually was. Thor nodded. 

“I see what you mean, you had quite the growth spurt,” Thor commented Steve nodded in agreement. 

“Senior year of high school. Suddenly nothing fit and I got to be taller than my boyfriend.”

“Boyfriend?” Thor interrupted, “Would he happen to be the one we know?” Steve nodded. 

“It was Bucky,” he confirmed, turning to look over the back of the couch. When he found him in the crowd, he gestured clumsily at him, “That one right there.” He turned back around and slumped against the back of the couch, “At first I was a bit disappointed. No, that’s not right. I was happy, I had always wanted to be taller. But I had gotten so used to being short. Even the doctors had said I was done growing. So I had made my peace with it, no matter how much I had complained. But when I got taller everything fit different.”

“You told us about outgrowing everything,” Thor nodded along, but Steve shook his head at that.

“No, not like that. I mean with him,” Steve gestured backward haphazardly, “I used to be so short I could fit under his chin. I’d sit on his lap all the time, he could throw his arm around my shoulders. Just stuff like that. After I grew I felt so awkward in my body for a while I didn’t know what to do. I always missed that, but I never told him. And you two better not either,” Steve said, glaring and pointing at both of them. 

“If this is what you friends were talking about, I think the term aggressive is a bit much,” Jane commented. Steve’s glare intensified. 

“I won’t say anything,” she responded to his glare. 

“I won’t either,” Thor promised, “But I don’t think he would have minded you telling him.” Steve waved him off. 

“It’s not like it matters anymore,” he told them both with yet another shrug. 

“Then why not tell him?” Jane questioned. Steve’s face contorted with confusion.

“Because it doesn’t matter?” But he didn’t sound very confident. Now it was Jane’s turn to shrug. 

“I really don’t think he would mind,” she told him, “he might even be willing to do some of those things again.”

“No, he broke up with me, we don’t do stuff like that anymore,” Steve explained.

“You still hug though?” 

“Yes,” Steve answered, though he clearly didn’t understand why she was asking.

“Then I’m sure he wouldn’t mind putting his arm around your shoulders,” she prompted. Steve looked even more confused. Jane sighed. 

“I give up, we can talk again when you are sober.” Steve nodded, but the confusion never really left his face. 

“Yeah, I should probably stop talking until I’m sober. Why don’t you two talk? I mean you guys had a fun meeting, right? Hitting him with a bike, that doesn’t seem like something that would lead to you dating,” Steve said, prompting the other two to take over. Thor did so gladly. 

“It does not, does it? Well, it was an accident, and it wasn’t really that hard. It also helped that she helped me to the student health center and then waited in the waiting room until I was done. And that she insisted on getting my number to check up on me.”

“I was just worried, I had never hit someone on a bike before. I didn’t know what else to do,” Jane cut in. 

“Then since it happened the first week of school, I didn’t know many people, so I invited her and her friends to come and see a movie with me and a few of my teammates. We didn’t all make much sense together, but me and Jane did, so we started just going places the two of us, or me tagging along with some of her friends. Then about three weeks later I asked her out.”

“That’s a cute story, you two are cute,” Steve told them. 

“I’m sure your relationships were cute at their peak too,” Jane said. Steve hummed thoughtfully. 

“Me and Peggy weren’t really together long enough to get to the level me and Bucky were at. We were really cute though, all our friends thought so,” he eventually decided. on. 

“You and Peggy?” Thor asked. Steve shook his head, then paused. 

“Well, yes, but no. I was talking about me and Bucky. It’s the difference of two months vs. two years,” Steve explained. 

“You were together for two years?” Jane asked, a bit awestruck. 

“Yep,” Steve answered. 

“I’m impressed you are still friends,” Jane commented. 

“How could we not be? We were friends for much longer than that. I can’t imagine what it would be like not talking to him. Well, I can, because I didn’t talk to him for a few months, but that was terrible. I don’t want to do that again.”

“I’m sure you won’t,” Jane assured. Steve nodded.

“I’ll make sure of it,” Steve stated. Steve suddenly became very awake that he had to use the bathroom quite urgently. 

“Do you know where the bathroom is?” He asked, attempting to stand up. Yet again, he couldn’t quite stand up straight and had to lean on Jane and Thor. Thor nodded, steadying him before giving directions. Steve gratefully made his way, getting more of a hang of it the farther he went. 

When he reemerged into the main living area his eyes zeroed in on Bucky, mostly because he was clearly uncomfortable. Every muscle in his body was tense, even his jaw was clenched and he shortly answered. He was talking to someone new, Steve had seen him talking to someone else before he went into the bathroom. Everything about this new man was rubbing him the wrong way/ There was no way the guy he was talking to didn’t know how uncomfortable Bucky was, but he kept getting closer, even as Bucky would back away. Steve set his jaw before walking over without a second thought. 

“Come on, everyone says you’re easy, and I’m not even asking to fuck you anymore. You could at least give me something, I’m not going to say no to a bj,” the man was saying. 

“I’m not offering one,” Bucky responded sharply, turning to walk away. He was stopped by the man grabbing his wrist. 

“We could just go to the bathroom right now, it won’t take too long if you’re good,” the man pestered. Bucky tried to yank his hand away, but the grip tightened. The man tutted.

“You don’t want to make a scene, especially from what I have heard about the last one,” the man scolded. 

“Either you let go of him right now and back away, or this scene is about to be much worse than the last one,” Steve growled. Bucky’s eyes flicked to his face before turning back to the man and trying to tug his hand away again. He didn’t let go, so Steve swiftly punched him in the gut, effectively getting him to let go. Bucky immediately backed up, blending into the crowd, rubbing his wrist.

“You’re a fucking asshole, you know that right? Thinking you are so entitled to a blowjob just because you pester someone enough. People like you make me sick,” Steve spit out. By the time he finished everyone in the apartment was looking at him. Tony came over quickly. 

“What did he do?” He asked quietly. 

“Nothing about this is gonna be quiet, he asked someone to have sex multiple times, and went they said no he grabbed them and refused to let go until they went to the bathroom and sucked his dick because they should ‘at least give him something’,” Steve answered a bit louder than his normal volume. 

“Who?” 

“That is not for me to say, but if they want to talk to you they can, after you get him the fuck out of here,” Steve stated, his voice deathly calm. 

“Brock, you are leaving,” Tony said, moving to usher him out of the apartment. 

“You’re not even going to give me a chance?” The man, Brock apparently, scoffed. 

“What, you want to try?” Tony questioned, disbelieving. 

“He wanted it, I could tell,” Broke said. 

“If he wanted it, why didn’t he just go with you? Why did you have to grab him harder every time he tried to get away?” Steve growled, taking a challenging step towards him. 

“Yep, I’ve heard enough. Brock, get out, and please never come back. Otherwise next time I won’t step in,” Tony warned, going over to the door and opening it, gesturing for him to leave. Brock looked around before huffing and starting the walk out. He turned around once he reached the door. 

“You all are a bunch of sensitive bitches, this party was lame anyway,” he said before he left, grabbing the door from Tony and slamming it. 

“Well, I think we can all agree this is much better without him,” Tony announced after a few moments of silence. Still no one moved. “You all can go back to what you were doing, or just start gossiping about what happened. Just start talking again.” That got people moving, albeit, warily, but it was still something.

Everything in Steve was screaming at him to go and check on Bucky, but he held himself back so he wouldn’t immediately give away what happened. He just stood awkwardly, watching people continue to glance at him. After a few moments, and as inconspicuous as possible, as though he was just going to talk to a friend after everything, he walked over to Bucky. 

He was standing against the wall, his head looking down at his hands clasped in front of him against his stomach. Steve joined him in his stance. He was sure they were standing much closer together than they had been recently, but Steve didn’t want this conversation to be overheard. 

“Are you okay?” He asked quietly. 

“Yeah, you shouldn’t have had to step in like that,” Bucky answered in a similarly low tone. 

“Bullshit, Buck. I’m always here for you. I also would have done that no matter who he was doing it too, no matter how much I knew they could defend themself,” Steve replied. Bucky didn’t respond. Steve stood there for a few moments searching his body language. Eventually he held out his hand. Then Bucky looked up.

“Please, let me check, like you used to,” Steve asked, motioning a bit with his hand. Bucky signed, but placed the hand Brock had been gripping into Steve’s palm. He brought it up a bit so he could see it better. His wrist was a bit red, but if it bruised it would be light. At least that was something Steve could be thankful for. Steve let go, but Bucky didn’t drop his hand. Steve looked at him, confused. 

“I’m checking to,” Bucky simply said, and Steve didn’t protest. He laid the hand he punched Brock with on Bucky’s. Steve knew what he was seeing, the knuckles might bruise, but he wasn’t bleeding. Bucky nodded, satisfied. 

“Thank you,” he said, but Steve shook his head.

“You don’t need to thank me, it is nothing you haven’t done before. I’m just glad I can actually stand my own now.”

“I can thank you if I want to, and I want to,” Bucky insisted. Steve just sighed. The adrenaline rush fading, plus all of the alcohol in his system was not a good combination. Suddenly he was very glad he was leaning against a wall. Bucky noticed.

“Come on, let’s get back to the dorm. I don’t think I’m much in the mood for partying anymore,” Bucky stated, taking Steve’s arm to help him walk, and making his way towards the door. Tony noticed them on their way out and gave a little wave. They both waved back before leaving. 

It was only around ten thirty, so the streets of New York were still very much awake. Steve and Bucky managed to make it back to Steve’s dorm room fairly easily, all things considered, and for that Steve was grateful. He had almost fallen over multiple times on the way back. Bucky, who hadn’t had as much to drink, was good stability to lean on.

“Stay with me,” Steve asked once they were actually in his room. 

“What?” Bucky questioned, clearly fully prepared to leave. 

“Stay with me,” Steve repeated, “It’s not like we have never shared a bed before. And I just want to make sure you are okay, that he didn’t drug you or anything.”

“I don’t think he drugged me,” Bucky responded.

“I wouldn’t put it past him,” Steve said doubtfully. 

“Yeah, me either, but you seem to be worse off physically, and I think it would be the other way around if I was drugged.” 

“Fair point,” Steve conceded, “I just figured I’d offer. I know it’s what you would do if the roles are reversed, and it seems like the right thing to do.”

“So you don’t actually want me to say?” 

“Christ, no. I don’t think I am able to talk in circles right now. I do want you to say, because it is the right thing to do, and because I like sleeping next to you. I don’t want to force you to stay though, especially after tonight. So basically, I want you to stay, but only if you want to,” Steve stated. 

“I want to stay,” Bucky responded. 

“Then it’s a good thing my most recent toothbrush came in a pack of two,” Steve said, retrieving both his toothbrush and the other one from the half opened pack. Bucky accepted it and Steve grabbed toothpaste before they went to the communal bathroom down the hall. After both using the bathroom and brushing their teeth they returned to his room. Steve grabbed some pajamas before stepping aside. 

“You can help yourself,” he said before he began to change. Bucky rummaged around for only a second before he froze, causing Steve to freeze as well, his shirt off and thrown into the hamper. Bucky turned around slowly, holding the Camp Orion sweatshirt he had buried at the beginning of college. Steve blushed, knowing full well Bucky could see it all down his chest. 

“You kept it?” Bucky sounded strained as he talked. Steve could only nod. Bucky set the sweatshirt on his bed before also taking off his own shirt before pulling the sweatshirt on. That only made Steve blush more, so he had to turn away, instead focusing on the task he had begun. When he turned back around he was fully changed, and so was Bucky. Steve quickly hopped onto the bed and laid down, motioning for Bucky to join him. 

It was a tight fit, the bed just fitting Steve alone and definitely not built for two men to share. So Steve made himself as small as he could, practically forced to tuck himself into Bucky’s chest. He’s lungs stopped working for the moment after he did it, completely unaware of what Bucky’s reaction might be. Bucky stiffed at first, and Steve was just about to pull away, push himself as close to the wall as he can and try to ignore the shame which was taking over his body. But then Bucky moved, wrapping an arm around Steve’s back and drawing him closer, burying his face in Steve’s hair. Steve couldn’t help the content sigh that escaped him. He was embarrassed for a second before he felt Bucky smile against his head. 

“I missed you,” Steve muttered, not aware the words were making their way out until he had already said them. 

“I’m right here,” Bucky said, his voice muffled. Steve shook his head, which caused Bucky to pull back. 

“No, I mean I missed this,” he replied, tugging Bucky closer and pushing his face into his chest, “When I got taller I missed this, the way we used to fit together.” Bucky stopped breathing for a second and Steve’s heart-rate sped up, afraid he had ruined everything. But Bucky simply wrapped his arms around him tighter and pressed a lingering kiss into his hair. 

“I missed it too. We always fit together, but if you need to fit like this you can always come to me,” Bucky murmured into his ear. Steve couldn’t help the full-body shiver that took over his body. He nodded into his chest, not trusting himself to speak. Bucky drew one of his hands up his back and tanged it into the hair on the back of his head, scratching soothingly. He placed one more kiss into his hair before resting his cheek against Steve’s head. 

“Get some sleep, Stevie, we can talk more in the morning.” Steve hummed in agreement, already starting to drift to the gentle scratch of his scalp. He fell asleep quickly, Bucky’s heartbeat in his ear. 

——————————

Steve woke up again a few hours later if the darkness from the windows was anything to go by. Looking for the source of what woke him up, he propped himself up on his elbow to see Sam standing in the doorway. 

“So that’s how it is?” He asked quietly. Steve opened his mouth to speak, but Sam shook his head, “I’m just going to go back to Tony’s with Riley, he offered his place for people to crash if they need to.” Steve opened his mouth again to say it wasn’t necessary, that nothing would happen, but Sam shut his door. Steve considered going after him, but his bed was warm, especially where Bucky was still pressed against him. He would deal with Sam in the morning. 

Now, however, he laid back down, tucking his face into Bucky’s chest once again, putting himself into the same position he was in before. Bucky signed in his sleep, drawing Steve closer. Steve smiled against the sweatshirt, he would definitely not be leaving his bed by choice.

—————————

The next time he woke up was only for a second, but he didn’t even know if it was that. Distantly he heard a door close, but he wasn’t sure if it was his or not. He didn’t feel Bucky against him for a second, but then Bucky was there, wrapping his arms around him again. He was about to fall back asleep very quickly. 

—————————

Finally, he woke up for real, blinking against the light which had filtered through the closed blinds in his room. Bucky was still asleep next to him, which made the fact that he really had to pee very unfortunate. He didn’t want to wake up Bucky, but he really needed to go, so he very carefully crept out of bed, getting out at the bottom instead of off the side like he would normally, as that side was completely taken up by Bucky now. 

He tiptoed across the floor, grabbing his toothbrush and toothpaste before going down the hall. Once he had finished up, he headed back quickly, hoping Bucky hadn’t woken up yet. 

When he walked into his room he was briefly stunned. Bucky had turned towards the door while he was away, so Steve could see his sleeping face the second he walked into the room. There he was, in Steve’s bed, wearing the sweatshirt of their childhood, looking so peaceful. Steve was positive he had never seen anything so beautiful. 

He put down the toothbrush and toothpaste before climbing back into the bed behind him. Bucky turned as he did so, so Steve was able to wrap himself around Bucky’s front yet again. He knew he wasn’t going to fall asleep again, he was much too awake now. But he could fake it for as long as it meant he got to stay this way. 

As the moments stretched on it felt timeless. Steve didn’t know how long he had been laying there, and he didn’t care. He could do this for eternity, he was sure of it. And right now, for all he knew, he could be. 

“So are we going to keep pretending to be asleep, or are we going to talk about this?” Bucky asked, his voice rough with sleep, breaking the movement. It took Steve a few minutes to process what he had said before he pulled back so he could look into Bucky’s eyes. 

“Talk about what?” He responded, still not completely comprehending what was about to happen. 

“Please, Steve, you have to tell me if I’m reading this wrong,” Bucky said, searching Steve’s face as he did so. 

“How are you reading it?” Steve had to know, searching Bucky’s face right back. He had to be completely sure they were on the same page, this was too important for it to be any other way. Bucky reached up and cupped Steve’s face in his hands. Steve let him.

“I feel like we have been back in the pre-relationship stage. That these past weeks you have been flirting with me constantly, and that right now would be a really good time to kiss you,” Bucky practically breathed against his face. Steve felt his voice get caught in his throat. 

“I-“ he started, unable to respond for a second. Bucky let him take his time, his grey eyes completely open and honest. Steve took a breath in before opening his mouth to speak again.

“Is that just what you are getting from me, or do you feel that way too?” He finally asked. Bucky stoked his thumb against his cheek, ever so gently. 

“I feel that way too. I want us to be in the pre-relationship stage, I’ve been flirting right back at you these past few weeks, and I really hope that this is the time I get to kiss you because I have gone entirely too long without it,” Bucky responded, his voice so soft, so full of promise. Steve dug his fingers into Bucky’s waist. 

“You’re not reading it wrong,” Steve said, leaning closer, “and this really would be the perfect moment for you to kiss me.” Bucky exhaled shakily before planting his lips on top of Steve’s. 

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all so, so much for sticking with me! I appreciate every single one of you so much. Your comments and kudos have always made my day, and I just wanted to tell you I never forgot about this story. After finals my brain just kind of shut down and didn't turn back online until my spring semester started. I always knew I was going to come back to it though. I'm sorry the wait was so long, but we have made it everyone! As you can see, there is still one more chapter which will be coming up within the next week!


	15. The One You Have Been Waiting For: Part II

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is it, the last chapter has arrived!

The kiss started out so gentle, barely there. It was almost as though it was their first kiss ever, too scared to move or go any farther. Paralyzed by the feel of someone else’s lips against their own, not sure what to do next. 

But even in that gentle touch, it felt like coming home. Steve felt his chest expand as he breathed in, captivated by how good it felt after all this time. 

Bucky pulled back first, but only for a second, before pushing his lips against Steve’s more firmly. He reached up and cupped Steve’s chin, because if they were standing he would be a bit taller, but right now he was shorter and that meant that Bucky was tipping his face up to get a better angle. And that is exactly what he always did before. 

That thought was almost too much for Steve. He wrapped his arms around Bucky’s waist tightly, and tipped his head up even more forcefully. Like he had to prove to himself that this was actually happening. 

The second Steve felt a hint of tongue against his bottom lip he opened his mouth, wanting to take anything Bucky would give him. As soon as Bucky began to comply Steve heard someone swear from the doorway.

“Oh for fucks sake, I knew I shouldn’t have come back. We are really going to have to come up with a sock on the door system or something, because, shit, I don’t want to walk in on anything like or worse than I just did,” Sam said, closing the door behind him. Steve groaned and hurried his face into Bucky’s chest, trying to hide. Bucky on the other hand just laughed. “And I am not going to offer to leave because I had to sleep in these clothes since you hijacked our room last night.”

“You barely walked in on anything,” Bucky dismissed, “And you don’t have to go anywhere in order for us to keep going.” Steve made a noise of protest.

“Bucky…” He started warning, but Bucky cut him off. 

“Oh baby, I know, you ain’t an exhibitionist until you’ve had a few, ain’t that right?” Bucky teased. Steve blushed and glared at the same time. 

“We have  _ never _ had sex with someone else watching,” Steve emphasized, mostly for Sam’s sake. 

“No, but you will sit on my lap and kiss me until I make you stop in order to prevent an asthma attack in the middle of a crowded room.” 

“You two are the absolute worst, and I can’t believe I am going to have to deal with this now,” Sam replied, routing through his clothes. Bucky grinned. 

“Remember how I said you should be glad that you weren’t his roommate when we were dating?” Bucky asked mischievously.

“Funnily enough, it is all I have been thinking about since I walked in last night,” Sam answered. 

“Last night?” Bucky questioned. 

“Yeah I walked in on you two wrapped around each other and it was so disgustingly couple-y I went to Tony’s. Steve’s face was giving off some pretty strong  _ nothing is happening _ vibes when he noticed me, but I knew that wouldn’t last long. He was looking at you like you were everything, which is nothing new, but you weren’t letting go no matter how much he moved even fast asleep. I thought maybe you two had finally gotten your act together.”

“I’m right here,” Steve protested. 

“Yeah, and are you going to deny anything I just said?” Sam challenged, one eyebrow raised. 

“Technically, we didn’t get our act together until about five minutes before you walked into the room,” Steve corrected. 

“That just means you’re dumber than I thought,” Sam stated, waving it off. Bucky opened his bag, but Same noticed and continued before he could say anything, “You look at him the same way, so don’t even think about commenting on that.”

“Why would I? I know I do, cause it’s true,” Bucky replied, looking Steve directly in the eyes. Sam groaned loudly. 

“This is as bad as watching you make out,” he complained. 

“It’s true for me too,” Steve whispered. 

“I swear to God, you two just got back together five minutes ago,” Sam protested. 

“Yeah, but I’m not risking what happened last time. It’s called communication,” Bucky said, brushing Steve’s cheek with his thumb, but looking straight at Sam for the last part. 

“Okay, this is definitely not a conversation I want to be here for, so I’m going to take my stuff,” Sam held up his backpack, “and take a nice long shower, but I do actually want to spend some time in here today, so when I come back in an hour, you better not still be like this,” Sam gestured at them before turning towards the door.

“You got it!” Bucky replied with a cheeky salute. 

“Damn right I do,” Sam responded before shutting the door behind him. Bucky turned back to face Steve, his thumb resuming its previous motion. Steve sighed.

“We should probably get up then,” he stated. Bucky nodded in agreement, but made no move to do so. They stayed there for a few moments before Steve chuckled. 

“You’re not exactly making this easy,” he said. Bucky smiled at him. 

“Why would I make it easy,” he replied, pressing his thumb against Steve’s lips. Steve fully groaned, batting his hand away.

“We are really never getting up if you keep that up,” Steve told him.

“Sounds good to me,” Bucky responded, wrapping himself fully around Steve. Steve closed his eyes, letting himself enjoy the moment briefly before unwrapping Bucky from himself and getting up. Bucky protested, however eventually let go with a huff. 

“I will only get up if we can go get food,” Bucky stated, rolling himself out of bed as well. 

“We can head out to the dinning hall, and Sam can have some space,” Steve agreed. 

“I’m not doing it for him,” Bucky grumbled. Steve rolled his eyes, striping his pajama bottoms off. Bucky hummed appreciatively, which caused Steve to blush all the way down his neck. 

“I just changed in front of you last night,” he muttered. Bucky hummed again.

“Yes, but a lot has changed since last night,” Bucky responded, also changing out of his bottoms. 

“I guess it had,” Steve blushed again, grabbing a pair of jeans out of his drawer and pulling them on. He gave Bucky a once over before digging around again. A few seconds later he produced a second pair of jeans and a pair of sweatpants. 

“I don’t know which you were prefer, I can’t guarantee either will fit you very well.” Bucky grabbed the jeans. Steve looked around, putting a few books and his pencil bag in his backpack before slinging it over his shoulders. 

“I figure I should probably try to look like I haven’t been ravished all night,” Bucky responded easily, with a wink, putting on the pants. Which looked…interesting. 

“You weren’t,” Steve replied, blushing a bit. After a pause he spoke up again, “And who uses the word ravished anymore?” He shook his head in disbelief. 

“I do,” Bucky defended. 

“You ready to go?” Steve asked, ignoring his last comment. Bucky nodded walking out the door behind Steve. Steve hesitated, looking down at their hands for a second. Bucky noticed, chuckling slightly and taking his hand. Steve looked a bit uncertain.

“We don’t have to tell anyone, you know. It’s very new,” Bucky said, letting go off his hand. Steve shook his head.

“Sam knows, Natasha will know as soon as she sees us anyways. They’ll tell everyone else,” Steve responded. Bucky took his hand again, giving it a squeeze. 

“What is it then?” He asked. 

“You’re sure about this right? I mean we didn’t exactly talk about what this will mean.” Bucky would have rolled his eyes at that if Steve had sounded any more certain of himself. But after everything that had happened, instead he brought Steve’s hand up to his lips so he could kiss the back of it. 

“This means I am completely obsessed with you, and I’m so lucky that you want this too,” Bucky held up their hands for show, “That even after this summer you are willing to give us another chance. I don’t need us to be anything else right now. It’s so new I don’t want to put any pressure on it.” Steve scoffed.

“It’s not new, we were together for two years, if you remember.”

“We were, but this relationship is new. I don’t know about you, but I don’t want this to end up like it did last time. We are both a bit different and need a bit different things, and we can learn about those just like we learned last time, together.” Steve was now grinning, a playful glint in his eyes. 

“Who knew the flirt of Brooklyn could be so unbelievably cheesy,” he replied. Bucky blushed a bit, but his expression didn’t falter. 

“What do you think made me such a good flirt,” he threw back at him, “As much as I love talking to you, can we continue this conversation as we are eating?” 

“Of course, I know how much you love to talk about flirting,” Steve rolled his eyes as he spoke, beginning to walk down the hall. Bucky just grinned. 

“You mean I love  _ flirting _ , and you better be ready to be the focus of all of it,” Bucky replied. Steve groaned, but the effect was lessened due to the smile on his face. 

—————————

They almost made it through their meal without running into anyone. Just as they were about to get up Natasha came stomping over, everything about her body language signaling a threat. Steve tensed up, preparing to have Natasha scream at him, but she didn’t even look at him, her gaze instead intent on Bucky. 

“If you hurt him again because you decide it is for the best,” she was right up in his face. Steve pulled her back. 

“Nat, don’t do that,” he protested. 

“I am going to do that, because I spend beginning of the fall semester dealing with both of you being miserable for such a stupid reason. And I don’t want to see either of you go through that again. And I don’t want to go through that again,” Natasha stated.

“You don’t have to threaten anyone,” Steve said. Natasha shrugged.

“I don’t have to say anything else, that’s for sure.” 

“If I am that stupid again you have full permission to do whatever you were able to threaten me with,” Bucky agreed, much too calm for the circumstances. Natasha nodded, satisfied. Steve looked between the two of them, as if deciding whether or not to intervene. 

“I’m happy for you two, though,” Natasha said, and Steve couldn’t help but raise his eyebrow at her. 

“I  _ am _ , you’ve needed to get your act together for weeks. It was really quite painful to watch,” Natasha continued. 

“That’s what Sam said,” Steve muttered. 

“Yeah, well it was very obvious,” Natasha replied, “Anyways, I’ll leave you to your romantic brunch.” Natasha wiggled her eyebrows before walking back over to Clint. Bucky turned towards him again.

“You think we should risk Sam or see if Rhodey is back in our room,” he asked and Steve cleared his throat. 

“Um, actually, you remember how I asked about drawing you yesterday?” Steve asked. Bucky raised his eyebrows. 

“You have an idea,” Bucky stated. 

“It’s just, it’s due on Tuesday and I really need to start it,” Steve said. 

“Maybe we should head to my room then, I am not exactly dressed to be drawn,” Bucky looked down at himself. Steve shook his head, turning a bit pink.

“It actually would be better if you didn’t,” Steve replied. Bucky raised his eyebrows. 

“How would it be better if it looks like I just got out of bed?” Bucky questioned. Steve shook his head.

“I’ll explain once I am done,” Steve stated, getting up. 

“Fine, keep your mysteries,” Bucky responded, following behind him. They got rid of their dishes before exiting, Steve grabbed his hand, starting to pull him where he wanted to go. He sped up, moving around people quickly. They went into the dorm and up to the lounge. Steve practically threw Bucky into a chair before he sat down himself.

“What should I be doing?” He asked, as Steve had sketched him many times, but he had never posed. 

“Give me a sec,” Steve muttered, rifling through his bag. He withdrew his pencils and sketchbook and placed them on the table before pulling out a final book. 

“You can just read that,” Steve said, handing it to Bucky. Bucky looked at the cover. 

“Norton’s Anthology of Drama?” Bucky questioned, holding it up. 

“I took the history of theater for my history requirement last semester,” Steve shrugged, “I thought I would be one of my more interesting textbooks. I didn’t have much of a selection to choose from. Just find a section that looks interesting.” Bucky started reading the table of contents as Steve was getting set up. 

“You ready?” Steve asked. Bucky nodded, settling into the chair comfortably. Soon the only sounds were Steve’s pencil and Bucky flipping the pages. 

Bucky was completely beautiful, from an artistic standpoint. Also from a non-artistic standpoint, but that is not what he was noticing right now. Steve had known this for years, but he never stopped noticing. He would never get tired of drawing him, he didn’t think it was possible. It was like saying he would get tired of sketching the grand canyon. There were so many different emotions and angles he could draw, and at this point he was determined to draw all of them. 

Steve didn’t keep track of time, so he didn’t know how long it took for him to get a detailed sketch done. Bucky had made good progress, so he figured it had been a while. He examined his sketch before pulling out his next set of tools. 

Yet again he lost track of time as he darkened the lines and started with colors. He got wrapped up in what he was doing, he rarely even looked up from his sketchbook anymore. He already had the position down, so it was just quick glances for colors. He noticed Bucky shifting, but Steve wasn’t paying any attention to what he was doing. At least he wasn’t until the next time he looked up he noticed Bucky was staring at him. 

“You’re adorable,” Bucky said once their eyes met. Steve rolled his eyes.

“I don’t think that any would call someone who looks like me adorable,” he responded, motioning down to his body. 

“Nah, you were adorable when you were tiny and you’re adorable now,” Bucky said. 

“Idiot,” Steve muttered, going back to his work. 

“D’ya wanna take a break? It’s been a while,” Bucky asked. Steve shrugged. 

“I’m okay. But, I mean, you can move, I’ve got a good base down,” Steve replied. Bucky got up, crossing to stand across from Steve. 

“Can I see it?” Steve nodded. Permission granted, Bucky came around, peering over his side. Steve’s hand had stopped moving, giving Bucky a clear view. He was silent, waiting for Bucky’s reaction. Before he spoke, however, Bucky turned his head, pressing his lips to Steve cheek. 

“God, you’re so good. It’s perfect,” Bucky whispered in his ear. The feeling of his breath so close caused Steve to shiver. Instead of replying he tipped his head back to look Bucky in the eye. Bucky took the invitation, leaning down once again, kissing him softly. 

“Art technically can’t be perfect,” Steve corrected once they pulled apart. 

“Well, I thought art was meant to be interpreted, and I interpret it as perfect,” Bucky countered. Steve rolled his eyes. 

“You’re such a dork,” he said fondly, kissing him quickly before starting to get up. He groaned as he stretched, his muscles stiff for being in the same position for hours.

“I suppose that a break might actually be a good idea,” Steve conceded, still shifting around his upper body to try and work out some of the tension. 

“Yes, it would be,” Bucky responded, bringing the book back and letting Steve pack up before he moved towards the door, “Why don’t we just go get a coffee?” Steve nodded in agreement, following him out of the building. 

——————————

As it was getting into the evening, the coffeeshop was pretty full. Students filled the tables, most of them with open books or laptops. One table stood out among the rest however, as it was occupied by Peggy and Angie, who were holding hands under the table. They both had laptops open, but were completely ignoring them, instead they were hysterically laughing. Steve nudged Bucky, but he was also already looking over there. Steve smiled a bit and was looking away as Peggy noticed them and waved them over. 

“I see you too finally got your shit together,” she said once they were in front of the table, motioning to their joined hands. 

“I see you did too,” Steve replied, doing the same. Peggy nodded. 

“Only took us about three weeks since Natasha’s,” Peggy agreed, “How ‘bout you two?” 

“This morning,” Steve answered a bit sheepishly. Instead of saying that she was right all along about the two of them, or teasing him like he was expecting, Peggy just smiled.

“Well, I’m glad you two got there eventually. It really was painfully obvious,” Peggy responded. 

“Yeah, that’s what everyone has been saying,” Steve muttered. 

“Who broke the ice?” Bucky asked, gesturing between the two of them. They looked between each other before Peggy answered. 

“Technically I did.”

“Technically I was the one who said that I wanted to date you first though,” Angie pointed out, “Because you started it by saying something like ‘so I’ve been thinking. Why would you say everything you said if you just cared about me. So many people in that room cared about me and none of them said anything. Why did you?’ 

And I was like ‘Well I care about you a lot.” 

And then you were like ‘did something happen between you and Steve?’ And I might have screamed a bit and so you were like ‘I’m not saying you two were ever actually together and cheating on me, but like was it ever close. Were you trying to warn me or something.’ 

And I got so mad that I was like ‘you idiot, it’s because I was the one who wanted to be with you. Because I would have treated you so much better, and instead I had to stand by and watch you get hurt by someone else.’ And then you kissed me,” she turned back to Save and Bucky, “So I really think it was more of a group effort.” Steve was grinning. 

“I’m really happy for you two,” he said genuinely. 

“Me too,” Bucky concurred, also smiling. 

“Well, we are happy for you two, even if you are both idiots,” Peggy responded, looking towards Angie. 

“Yes, we are,” she affirmed, giving Peggy’s hand a squeeze. After a few moments of silence Steve cleared his throat.

“We should probably go order,” he said, taking a step back, “But it was really nice to see you, honestly.”

“I was good to see you too,” Peggy agreed, “And maybe we should tell Natasha to start those movie nights up again.”

“That would be amazing,” Steve replied. 

“Though, we might want to have them at Tony’s or something so that there is more room, especially if you would want to invite Thor and Rhodey and all of them,” Peggy added. Steve chuckled. 

“I’m sure he would be very willing to host. Apparently he seriously overbought alcohol.”

“I’ll let her know then,” Peggy smiled. Steve returned it and got back into line, taking Bucky with him. 

—————————

“So, it’s Tuesday,” Bucky said randomly as they were sitting in the lounge doing homework. 

“It is,” Steve replied, curiosity seeping into this voice. He looked up to meet Bucky’s eye, but he still kept his hands on his keyboard.

“You turned in your art assignment today,” Bucky continued. This was true, yet did not seem relevant. However, Bucky was now looking at him expectantly.

“I did,” Steve responded, still not understanding. Bucky huffed just a bit, over-exaggerating his exasperation.

“You said you would give me more answers when it was finished. It is finished,” Bucky finished, making it very clear what he was after. Steve, however, was not going to give up that easily. That was one of the best things, in Steve’s opinion, about being in a relationship with your best friend who has essentially the same humor as you. Who actually enjoys having pointless and meaningless arguments, but that knows limits, so it never goes too far and no one actually gets hurt. It was something Steve and Bucky were well practiced at.

“Well, one could argue that art is never done, the artist just eventually decides to stop working on it,” he countered. 

“But you did stop working on it, and therefore it is as finished as it will ever be,” Bucky argued. 

“I could start working on it again when I get it back. Maybe I am just taking a pause,” Steve continued to push. 

“Steve, I just want to know what the assignment was,” Bucky sighed. 

“And I just want to finish this paper about love in the modern world,” Steve threw back, pointing at his laptop screen where his paper was pulled up. 

“Steeeeeeeve,” Bucky continued prodding, giving his best pouty face. Steve was not affected.

“Do you not think I should focus on my education?” Steve questioned, not conceding. He knew it was a bit of a low blow, but he also knew that Bucky would roll with it. That if he actually didn’t want to talk about it with Bucky, all he would have to do is say he didn’t want to tell him. 

“I happen to be asking about another aspect of your education, one that I was directly involved in,” Bucky didn’t back down, the lines in his face setting. Steve sighed. Although between the two of them he was often seen as the stubborn one, Bucky could be too when he wanted to be. Especially when it was over something like this. 

It wasn’t that Steve didn’t want to tell him, he just wanted to put off telling him for as long as physically possible. It wasn’t bad, he just knew that Bucky would spend the next few hours teasing him about it. And he was really just pushing that back, as it was inevitable. But right now it seemed like his options were teasing or instant asking, and one of those was far superior. 

“Fine, if you want to know so bad, the assignment was to submit an illustration of what makes you feel the most at home on campus. And I have spent so much time in this lounge it makes me feel comfortable, and you can guess the rest,” Steve said. 

“Can I guess the rest?” Bucky questioned, faux innocence seeping out of every aspect of his voice and body language. 

“You fuckin’ jerk, yes you can,” Steve answered. Bucky scooted his chair closer, leaning towards him, putting his elbows on the table and balancing his chin on the palms of his hands. Steve glared at him. 

“You sayin’ I make you feel at home Stevie?” He asked, keeping up the act. 

“I fuckin’ hate you,” Steve replied, “That’s what I’m saying.” 

“Mm hm,” Bucky agreed noncommittally, “Right back atcha.” Bucky closed the distance between them, kissing him firmly. 

“You make me feel the same way,” Bucky said when he pulled back, “You’ve always felt like home to me.” 

“Now who’s the sap?” Steve retorted, though the faint blush gave him away. 

“That has always been an established fact,” Bucky agreed, “And yet you are the one who has chosen to date me. Twice, I might add.”

“Yeah, well, everyone makes mistakes in their teens,” Steve joked.

“Funnily enough, people make mistakes all of their lives,” Bucky corrected, “Apparently sayings always seem to miss that part.” Steve hummed in agreement. 

“I, for one, am planning on continuing to make mistakes my whole life,” Steve responded quickly, agreeing, before realizing what that was implying. Then his face turned bright red, looking down at his keyboard.

“Now who’s the sap?” Bucky threw his own words back at him, a cheeky smile on his face.

“I blame you entirely,” Steve told him.

“Well, I sure hope so. As we are dating it would be a bit odd if you were telling me about how you were waiting to spend your life with someone else.” Steve glared at him, but the blush had not left his face. 

“Says the self proclaimed flirt,” Steve retorted. 

“I thought we established that while I am with you all of my flirting energy goes towards you, even if I am a mistake,” Bucky told him. 

“Maybe you could put some of that energy towards helping me write a paper on love, if you love flirting so much,” Steve replied. 

“Why, you need some tips?” Bucky teased. Steve pretended to consider it before shaking his head.

“Nah, I seem to have gotten you locked down pretty well,” Steve replied. 

“Damn right you do,” Bucky agreed, kissing him again quickly before going to move back to his previous position. Steve grabbed his hand, stopping Bucky from moving, his face more serious now. 

“And Buck, you’re not a mistake. Never were, never could be,” he said a bit forcefully. Needing him to know, especially after the summer. Bucky just smiled.

“You aren’t either,” he replied, giving Steve’s hand a little squeeze. 

———————————

“Finally, we can start!” Tony exclaimed, dragging the two of them into his apartment. 

“Tony, leave them alone,” Rhodey said, merely glancing over from his spot on the couch, “They showed up like five minutes after Natasha.” 

“Well that means we could have been watching the movie five minutes ago,” Tony called back, walking over to the TV with Steve and Bucky right behind him, “And as for you two, the punishment for coming late is…”

“Oh, there’s a punishment, is there?” Bucky interrupted. 

“Yes, there is,” Tony answered before continuing, “You punishment is that there is only one chair left. Enjoy.” Tony gestured towards an old wooden chair in the corner. It was clearly well worn, one leg slightly shorter than the others, the shape of the back a bit warped. 

“Can we just sit on the floor?” Steve asked, eyeing the chair suspiciously.

“Nope, punishment. None of my guests will sit on the ground,” Tony insisted, throwing himself down on the loveseat next to Pepper, putting an arm around her as he did so.

“What a gentleman,” Steve replied sarcastically, “Don’t blame us if it breaks.” He walked over to the corner and retrieved the chair. 

“Why do you even own this chair?” Bucky grumbled, sitting down on it. 

“Came with the apartment,” Tony responded, “The whole place was empty except for that chair. I wouldn’t be surprised if it was haunted.”

“Alright Steve, I’m ready for you,” Bucky said motioning with his arms, but as he did the chair rocked and squeaked dangerously loud. 

“You may be, but is the chair?” Steve asked, moving to sit on his lap anyways. 

“I bet they last a minute,” Peggy announced. 

“If they last a minute I will be impressed, I was honestly surprised that chair didn’t fall apart when Steve picked it up,” Natasha replied. 

“Fuck you all, I have faith in my weird chair. I say it will be fine at the end of the night,” Tony said. 

“Only one way to find out,” Steve muttered, sitting down on Bucky’s lap. At first he held his weight off Bucky as much as he could, using his stomach and leg muscles. When Bucky pulled him down completely, saying to let himself go. When he did the chair groaned loudly, and Steve tensed, preparing to fall. The fall didn’t come, though. 

The two of them shift a bit, getting comfortable in their positions. As they did so the chair protested loudly, both creaking and rocking against the floor because of the short leg. Steve tensed again, gripping Bucky tightly. 

Meanwhile, the rest of the group was laughing, Natasha even had a timer pulled up on her phone. Steve glared at them, hating solely waiting for the chair to collapse. After a minute with more noise, but no disaster, Steve felt his muscles loosening. 

“Can we start the movie now?” Rhodey asked, “I really don’t want to sit around here just staring at two people in a chair.” 

“Yes, because nothing is going to happen,” Tony answered, turning on the tv. Steve hadn’t actually asked what movie they were watching, but given that it started out with someone being killed, he had a feeling it was going to be a campy murder mystery. Steve leaned his head against Bucky’s chest, his heartbeat steady in his ear. 

Many of the other couples were in similar positions, Pepper was leaning into Tony where he had his arm around her. Clint was laying down with his head on Natasha’s lap, her stroking his hair, clearly very tired, his eyes completely shut. Jane was resting her head on Thor’s shoulder. Peggy and Angie were cuddled together in one of the couch couriers, Sam and Riley on the other. 

As the movie progressed Bucky started running his hands through Steve’s hair, lightly keeping his head against his chest. Steve was holding his other hand, occasionally stroking his thumb along Bucky’s knuckles. Even though both of them were pretty uncomfortable given the chair situation, Steve was able to push it to the back of his mind for the most part.

Bucky shifted pretty often, but Steve couldn’t blame him. The combination of an unsteady chair and someone sitting on you is not a good one. Steve was trying to keep most of his weight off him. However, the one time he had gotten up and sat on the floor, muttering about how he didn’t want Bucky to be uncomfortable, Bucky just rolled his eyes and pulled him back on to his lap. 

As it was a murder mystery, there was a fair amount of suspense in the movie. Including a scene in which the main characters were alone in the house with the killer, sneaking around. So of course, as they peaked around a corner and the killer was barely visible behind them, that was the moment the chair broke. 

“Shit!” Bucky and Steve exclaimed as they toppled to the ground. The rest of them, all being the great friends that they are, burst out laughing. Steve pulled himself off Bucky, and sat up, glaring at Tony. 

“This is entirely your fault,” Steve said. 

“Hey,” Tony replied, hands raised in surrender, “I was the one that thought it wouldn’t break.” 

“Yeah, and we were the ones who fell on our asses,” Bucky told him pointedly. 

“What happens when no one wins a bet?” Peggy asked, interrupting the three of them. 

“What happens is me and Steve get to sit on an actual chair,” Bucky said, walking up to Rhodey, who was sitting alone in a recliner, “Can you sit with them?” He motioned to Tony and Pepper. 

“My entire time in our room last semester seemed to be third wheeling them, so sure, why not. I’d love to relive that,” Rhodey responded sarcastically, but he did move. Bucky sat down as soon as he could, and Steve joined him, sitting across his lap so his legs hung over one of the arms of the chair. His back was held up by Bucky’s arm around him. 

“Can I just say as the only single person here, you are all disgusting,” Rhodey piped up once Steve and Bucky were situated. 

“Ah, Rhodey, it is just because you are single you think that. But you know what, we are going to fix that. Starting now,” Tony replied, turning towards him, “You were telling me about that girl in your history class. What’s her name, Hill? Maybe there is something there.” 

“We are working on a project together, that is what I was talking to you about,” Rhodey deadpanned. 

“That’s how it always starts,” Tony wiggled his eyebrows. 

“I am in a room with six couples and not a single one of them started like that,” Rhodey pointed out.

“Exactly, we can always use more variety in the meeting stories,” Tony said, seeming very pleased with himself, “You should text her!”

“I already texted her today, we are meeting up tomorrow to work on the project. You know, the reason I am talking to her.”

“Perfect, after you are done you can offer to get dinner, a start to a non-work related relationship,” Tony suggested. 

“Sure, Tony,” Rhodey said to shut him up, turning his attention back to the screen. 

“And I mean if that doesn’t work out, then Tinder really can do wonders,” Tony continued, “We should make you a profile now, to keep your options open.” 

“I think I am going to not do that and instead completely ignore that suggestion,” Rhodey replied, not turning back to look at him. 

“Look, all I’m saying is that you got 12 wing-people behind you, so basically you can rule this dating scene if you want too,” Tony put his hands up. 

“‘Cause ruling the dating scene is really something I would want to do,” Rhodey said sarcastically. 

“If it ever is, you could,” Tony re-enforced. 

“Great, I’ll let you know,” Rhodey told him, again trying to shut him up. This time, however, it worked. And it also definitely helped that The movie was beginning to reach the climax, so all of them became engrossed yet again. Well, everyone but Clint who was asleep. 

They spend the rest of the movie commenting on the movie, instead of waiting for a chair to fail. Steve particularly enjoyed that his position allowed him to whisper inside jokes into Bucky’s ear, Bucky taking the same advantage. The ending ramped up to such a ridiculous ending and was so easy to make fun of, that by the time the credits rolled they were all cracking up. As they calmed down Tony spoke up again.

“Natasha, great choice,” he complimented and Natasha nodded in response, “So, Angie, do you know what we are watching next week?”

“Well, I was thinking some kind of rom-com,” she answered, a bit vaguely. Natasha hummed appreciatively. 

“We haven’t done one of those yet,” Natasha commented. 

“Exactly,” Angie agreed. 

“I feel like at this point you are all just rubbing it in my face,” Rhodey said. 

“Then all the more reason to get a date,” Tony pointed out, “You could invite Hill, or maybe some random Tinder date. Spice things up a bit.”

“Yes, because watching a movie with a large group of friends the other person does not know is a great way to get to know someone. Forget going to a coffee shop, that is the new ideal first date,” Rhodey stated sarcastically. 

“Well, after all of them figured their shit out, we have room for some drama in here,” Tony said, gesturing around the room and Steve, Bucky, Peggy and Angie.

“Or we could just not,” Angie suggested. Almost everyone nodded in agreement.

“I don’t know, it could be kind of fun. Plus, you two didn’t even get to see Steve punch Rumlow,” Tony insinuated, making sure to point at Peggy and Angie as he referenced them. 

“I’ll punch him again, as many times as you want me too,” Steve offered, “That should be enough drama for you.”

“As much as I appreciate that, Rumlow would definitely call the police, and I don’t feel like spending our entire relationship bailing you out of jail,” Bucky told him. 

“For better or for worse,” Steve replied cheekily.

“Nope, we are not married, and we sure as hell won’t be if I have to bail you out every day,” Bucky said. 

“Just every day? Good to know. I promise you will not have to bail me out every day,” Steve stated, much too calm. 

“Steven Grant Rogers…” Bucky started.

“Nope, that’s what you said, and that’s what I’ll promise,” Steve interrupted. Bucky turned towards the others, singling out one person in particular.

“Hey Rhodey? I heard you’re single. You want a stupid blonde boyfriend? Incredibly sweet, fiercely loyal, caring, hilarious, quite possibly has the best ass in the entire world, not to mention the rest of his body. You know, pretty much the perfect boyfriend. One catch though, he is such a little shit he will drive you insane eventually. Also you may have to bail him out more times than not every week.” 

“Nope, I believe there are two catches, the other being that his current boyfriend might be a bit upset with me if I actually took him up on that,” Rhodey replied.

“Hm, that’s probably a smart call,” Bucky agreed, holding Steve a bit tighter against his chest. He looked back down at him. Steve was looking up at him innocently. 

“Oh no,” Bucky breathed, a knowing look on his face. Steve sat up, craning his neck until his lips were right against Bucky’s ear. 

“Third catch, he’s been in love with his current boyfriend since he fully understood what that meant, and it doesn’t seem like he is stopping any time soon, not that he would ever want to,” he murmured, barely audible. 

“Yeah?” Bucky said softly, cupping Steve’s cheek, holding him and maneuvering himself so they were face to face once again. 

“Yeah,” Steve answered, just as softly. Bucky nudged their noses together before kissing him. They kept it short as they were in a room filled with other people, but as they pulled back Bucky couldn’t help but press another lingering kiss onto his forehead. 

“Well, you can’t do that and then just not share,” Tony stated. 

“He said that he wouldn’t be able to get it up for you anyways,” Bucky replied. 

“Bucky!” Steve exclaimed, thoroughly scandalized, “That is not what I said,” he corrected quickly, feeling the need to reassure the others. But Rhodey was still shaking his head. 

“Nope, that’s it. I am moving in with you Tony, I hope you’re ready,” Rhodey said.

“You really think him and Pepper will be any better?” Natasha asked. Rhodey just sighed. 

“I need single friends,” he muttered to no one in particular. 

“You’ve got Bruce,” Pepper pointed out.

“Well, he is not exactly here right now is he?” Rhodey responded, “And apparently it is because he had a date, according to Tony.” Rhodey sighed at the last bit, and everyone else was suddenly very interested, firing questions at him and Tony. Bucky had taken advantage of everyone else’s distraction to whisper in Steve’s ear, tuning out the rest of the group. 

“I love you, Stevie. I never stopped, and I don’t think I ever will.” Steve grinned, and replied at the same volume, the moment just between the two of them despite the others:

“I love you too.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We made it! I am so thankful for every single one of you, whether you have been here since the beginning or just found it, I honestly still can't really believe people are reading this. Your comments and kudos have meant so much! I hope you all like the ending, I know it was super cheesy, but I figured that was deserved after everything that happened in the fic. 
> 
> As always, feel free to let me know your thoughts, and now especially if you have any ideas for what you want to see next. I do have a few ideas...so be on the lookout. But until then, I'll see you later (and in the comments)!

**Author's Note:**

> Come say hi on Tumblr!  
> http://isolatedwriter0.tumblr.com/


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